Star Struck

last post?

2008-11-22T11:24:00.003-07:00

This might very well be my last post for quite some time. why? my life is just too crazy to keep up. you can check in every once in a while to see if i have updated. i just don't know when. basically, i've decided to go back to school for baking and pastry. i just started last week. i'm still working full time so it's been tough. and it's just going to get worse. i'm not doing a show right now, but i'm kinda committed to three shows next year. no leads, but some decent roles. i can always turn it down, as right now, school is before theatre. and i might not be able to do theatre for quite some time. which is alright! because i'm finally going to do something i enjoy and hopefully i'll be able to do some theatre on the side. next year will be my last year with the company. so that's what's going on and taking over! wish me luck!

Blithe Spirit

2008-09-19T11:14:00.002-07:00

only two more weeks until we open! am i nervous? HECK YEAH! i was nervous 4 weeks ago! "Ruth" has so many lines, i didn't know what i was getting myself into! yeah, i've always wanted a lead, but this is like a LEAD role! since it is upperclass british, 1940s, there are a lot of words! or maybe it's just how my character is. for instance, i can't just say "i would rather there were not misunderstandings between us" i say " i really would so much rather that there were no misunderstandings between us." and yes, that is one of my struggling lines. i mean, really? do i really need to say all that? but it's getting there. the guy that plays opposite from me is fantastic! not only as an actor, but as a fellow thespian. he has been so supportive and patient with me and my lines. he's even been meeting with me two hours before rehearsals to work on lines. he's helped me figure out ways to make the line make sense in my head. he's been fabulous to work with. and last night i think it finally paid off. i still struggled on some of my lines, but only because i have like 100,000,000 of them, but the one scene we have together had our director almost speechless. he had nothing bad to say about it and just couldn't find all the words he wanted to say about it. it was great! it's really come a long way, and we still have two weeks to make it better!!! Hope you are able to make it! we open october 3rd, and run every weekend through the 31st. please visit www.gaslighttheatrecompany.com to get tickets!

i remembered the third!

2008-09-02T12:09:00.003-07:00

i do know of a third person who is getting a divorce! (don't know what i'm talking about? read blog before) i have a coworker who is getting a divorce. they have three young kids which really sucks, but i guess he's just using her now and it's just ugly... why are guys such jerks? errr... ok, that's not necessarily true. not ALL guys... anyway, another person i just want to give a hug to and tell her everything will be ok!!!!

lunch break! breakups!

2008-09-02T11:10:00.003-07:00

yeah, not really in the mood to be with people today. that's not always the best when you are stuck in a locked room (don't worry, i can get out!) with 8 other people. so i take my lunch at my desk. at least have of them are at the cafe, and the other half are quiet.
i think august was the month of breakups! they always say it happens on threes. i don't really have a third unless i count my friend's friends who seperated last month as well. my neighbors are getting a divorce. i totally lost respect for him. they just celebrated their 9 yr anniversary, and what does he do? has an affair with a co-worker. i never thought these two had issues. it actually was quite a shock for her as well. she thought they had a great life together, and were going to start trying for kids soon... guess that's not happening. but my husband and i have lost all respect for him. i just don't understand how people can do that to eachother! oh it just makes me mad.
then there's my friend from the theatre company. again, they seemed happy! pretty much in love with eachother, enjoyed eachother's company... but then something happened. don't know what yet. but they broke up. they were engaged. he will be leaving for NYC again soon. he is so not a CO boy. definitely belongs in the city. yeah...
anyone else break up last month? the only good outcome on these, is it give my husband and i a new perspective on our relationship. we know it's good. we know we love each other, but it just reminds us of what we take for advantage, a loving steady relationship. it makes us love each other more i guess... respect eachother more. it just sucks to see everyone around you break up while you live the happy life... i don't know. i just had to blog that as it still rides on my mind how, in a day, your life can change forever. i just want to hug my friends and tell them it will be ok... so here's my hug! {-------------------------------------------------------------------------------}

sleepless nights

2008-08-06T22:37:00.002-07:00

i've been debating over the past month on whether i should keep my blog or not. seeing as i haven't written in it since the end of march. i guess my life got a little busy. and now i am facing my 4th restless night since being back from vacation and finding my thoughts circling in my head even more so tonight than any other night this week.so i guess it's good that i didn't close it yet, so i can sit here and get those crazy thoughts out of my head. or at least damper them. see, we just had a company member with the theatre quit. she has hit on everyone's buttons and i guess one final argument with the artistic director made her part ways. which is for the better, as she was not happy. in her decision to quit, she decided to email the entire company (which is only 10) explanations as to why she was how she was, what we did wrong, accused us of things and pretty much got my mind a thinking. i think what bothers me most about it is that she accused me of blaming her for certain things, that i did not do. and that just doesn't sit well with me. i can't even justify myself as she does not want to hear from any of us again. there were many things that bothered me (CAUTION: don't read these kind of emails before going to bed as this is what happens) which are now keeping me up and have brought me to this computer. we had a production meeting for the children's theatre, which she was not the director of, but was involved in. during this meeting, the director said some things that she did not agree with as to what she wants for the show. so in this email, she is frustrated becuase no one else, basically, didn't take either side on the issue. my thing is, i'm just a props mistress. it's the director's show. if she wants these things her way, that's her call. the only one(s) that i feel should have any say would be the artistic and executive directors. if i've said all these things about her, but she felt like not saying anything because she loves me so much, why would she love me? why car about someone so much who talks about you behind your back? i will admit. i did say some things (but not the direct things she was refering to) behind her back. and i hate myself for it for not being man (woman i guess) enought to confront her on it. and for being the two faced person i don't want to be. i do enjoy working on stage with this woman. but there are just some things that just shouldn't be done, and i should've said something. but i'm a sissy and just let it all build up and vent to other people that i probably shouldn't have instead of saying it to her. so i'm baffled as to how she could love me so much when in reality i am a terrible terrible person! and i hate that person! she also mentions about how not drinking alcohol at the theatre was in our contracts. and yes, we, including the artistic and executive directors, were drinking on occational nights while or after working on the sets. and she mentioned something at one of those moments to me. and i didn't remember reading about it. and so, as i mentioned my mind in circles, it brought me to having a pretend converstion with her about how i don't have a good memory. and she would say "then do something about it". and then i would say i can't fix what i don't have. memory. and then it brings me back to those terrible school days where i would study and study and study and not remember enough to pass the tests. yet i can remember the wierdest oddest things. and some how (2 months later) have my lines memorized in time for opening night. i just don't understand my brain. and then it got me all upset and that is how i ended up writing a blog this late at night. probably doesn't help that i ate dinner very late as well... sigh. so i'm still debating on keeping the blog going. i doubt anyone reads it anymore anyway. but that's not the point of blogs, right? it's for my own personal entertainment, and if others read it, it's just a benefit. oh, and i also got bit by mosquitos last night, in bed mind you. and now they are all itchy again along with 3 new ones i recieved in my car. at least that's where the first itching began. and this is another reason as to why i am still up at midnight. i think i will try some milk. at this rate though, i'm going to be one cranky person come sunday. if i get any decent sleep on thursday, i'm still going to be super tired on saturday as we have to be in the mountains by 6:30 am. it's at least an hour and a half drive of where we need to be. and you know what else bothers me? i try to be such a good person and i feel like i always seem to fail at this! maybe that's why i don't have any friends out here. i just a terrible person and no one wants to spend time with me. that just sucks! i've been out here for over two years now, and i don't have a single person that i think i could just call up and say "hey, lets go out!" and that makes living out here so very hard. see! a circle. are you dizzy too?

sooo shouldn't do this

2008-03-29T11:59:00.004-07:00

i am blogging while taking bath. yeah, that's totally safe! i must say, it was a rough week and this bath is well deserved. we opened the first play for gaslight theatre company! it was very successful and we actually almost sold out! it was very exciting. my job as props for this show is almost over. i have to get newspapers that everyone keeps complaining about. oh my gosh, i won't even go on to that subject right now. i'll just say that i wish people would understand that it is not thier theatre to run, and not thier show to perform. we have to work with what we have.. ok, with that said, i'm glad i donn't have to spend days making stuff, spending hours in dry dusty antique stores (which by the way is the BEST place to find peroid pieces! i am relaxing today and paying bills and be with my puppy. unfortunately my hubby had to work today, i hardly even get to see him... oh well. the good news aboout this show running, is 1. i can go home after work this month, 2 rehearsals for the next show will start! yes, i will miss this show, but luckily most of the cast will be in the next one! and it's going to be a whole new experience for us, as it will be a different director. sigh. i think i'm going to end this now and refresh my hot water...

Miss Willie and me...

2008-02-26T23:15:00.002-07:00

now don't take that title the wrong way! it is short for willimenia. and i totally spelled it wrong. it's my character in "the curious Savage". tonight was one of those nights that every true actor looks forward to. yes, we are still on script, so full character mode is handicapped by a book in your hand. but a character still needs to be present. i had these certain moments where Miss Willie was there. there were points, and i got commented on them, where i just did things. it's what she would do. i was just being her. and i was her. and then i get complimented on my entrance, or a look i gave, or a way i said a line. and to be honest, i don't quite remember what i did. probably becuase she did it. not me. so i just have to hope she brings it again to rehearsal. and i've got to get off book. although i have recieved compliments from the director t hat he can tell i really worked hard on my character, when in reality, i just read the lines between work and rehearsal, in a restaurant. can't really speak them out loud. i just have to trust MW will get me through this and we will become great as one...

i'm addicted...

2008-02-22T22:38:00.002-07:00

and it's driving my husband nutz! my new (old) laptop stays right next to the couch. i'm almost always on it. and tonight i started playing internet games. yeah. i almost didn't want to quit! i think it's even effecting the dog! hmm... i just can't help it! it's here. there's nothing on... why not play! and now i am writing this to ease my mind of the games... but i don't think it's working. i must go to bed soon though because i HAVE to get up tomorrow morning to go to kickboxing. with the late hours of work, then going to rehearsal, then eating when i get home,,, not healthy. i must find a better way of doing things or i will be double my weight by the time the show opens. ok, probably not, but i do need to do something.
i talked to my best friend today. i'm going to see her this summer and i can't wait! last time i saw both her and her daugher was when i got married. actually, that's pretty much the last time i saw most of my ohio friends... hmmm... oh, ohio friends, i'm coming home in july! yeay!!! we must get together!
ok. i must give my puppy some cuddle time, and then i'm off to bed. good night crazy world. i will see you in the morning...

thoughts in the night

2008-02-20T22:49:00.002-07:00

i was laying here reading my lines and started thinking about this role compared to other roles. this one's more serious. she doesn't have the little crazy things almost all my other characters had. then i started thinking about energy. how am i to get this calm character to have energy on stage? i do believe this will be one of the great challenges with this role. then i started reminissing on my other roles and the notes i recieved in the past. and i remember one very distinctly. i was in oklahoma. i was a dancer, and danced the can can scene. although i was not one of the three main dancers for that sequence. there were four of us that were not. and we each came on stage at different times, stood in a pose until it was time for all of us to dance. the director of this show is a fabulous director, and well respected. he's not one to point out a specific person and compliment them in front of the entire cast. let me just tell you what happened.
being a can can girl, i figured they were pretty seductive. so i thought to myself how would i stand if i were a real can can? so i go through some poses in my mind and decided when i got on stage to but my right hand on my hip, cross my left hand over to the right hand, and stand leaning a little to the right. and had a look only a can can can have on my face. and i stuck with that pose. but what i didn't realize was i was even walking to that position on the stage in character. i knew i had to. i couldn't be me then stand and be her. that's just not how it's done. it was like walking through a mirror, and as soon as my feet hit the paint, i was her, whore and all. now keep in mind, i never really had theatre training. i was actually the only one of the 6 that didn't.
so one night during tech week, apperently the director had enough and had to say something. we were all on the floor getting our notes. he says my name and says how as soon as i hit the stage, i am in character. i hit the pose and i'm in character, and my energy shows through that character. i was just standing there! and he said that no one else was doing that! and it made me stand out as soon as i walked on stage!
wow... never saw that one coming! i was just doing what an actress was supposed to do. i was very flattered by this comment and will never forget it. all this time i just thought i was at the lower level of acting, when, in fact, i was getting up there with the better ones! and i've had other comments that said how much energy i had, just standing there! so i have come to ease at having energy with this character, for i do believe it is a natural thing (would it be if i had no idea i was doing it?) for me to have energy. now i just need to obsorb the character, and i will succeed in my acting.
although i can't wait for the next play where i get to be crazy again! haha~!

my crazy life begins

2008-02-10T18:12:00.000-07:00

and my husband gets stuck with the dog...
sounds like a good title for a book huh! well, for now it will have to do for the title of my life, or blog. whichever...

i am writing on my new laptop! ok, it's not new, but it's new to me. and it's a good thing i have it or i wouldn't be getting much done right now as i am not feeling well, that kind where you are still chilled, even under four layers of blankets, and your eyes water for no reason, and your throat just craves salt. and now i can lay under these four layers of blankets and STILL work ono the internet!
Thursday was the first day of many many busy days to come. we had our first readthrough for "Curious Savage" and i'm stoked to start blocking and working with such a talented cast! once this show ends, the next one begins... and then i go on vacation... then the next show begins, if i'm able to be in that one as well. ah, the joys of theatre! i love it.
i still have company meetings. i don't know how often this is going to happen, but i was an idiot at the last meeting and volunteered to be in charge of archiving our newly formed theatre. it was my idea. i feel something like this needs to be saved. it's a big deal! especially if we become something that EVERYONE wants to audition for and we sell out every night. that would be cool! so now i have to work on getting the props that are slowing coming in cataloged, plus, start looking for props for the first show. my frustration with this is that there's some communication that's not going on, or involving me, AKA props manager. hmmm... anyway, i now must find time to hang out on the internet to find stuff.
on top of all the stuff i am now involved with the theatre, i still have my stampin up business. and i'm probably going to be advertising in this one little newsletter, that might start bringing more mula my way! i lost money last year. long story. anywho, i have to now work around my theatre schedule. fun times!
so on top of everything that is going on in the evenings and weekends, things at my full time job have taken a turn as well. they did some reorging within the department, and i was given the middle position of being the communicator for group 1 field people. yeah, that kept be busy. every week, we have lost an associate due to better opportunity. yeah, so what once was 6 people processing payroll (not including managers and projects) we are now 3. so this means that i am now the communicator for the whole world as my boss put it. yeah. i've been busy. no wonder i don't feel well!
the good news is this is a short work week for me and my hubby. much needed, i do feel. we are taking thursday and friday off. not going anywhere, just taking it off. i might paint my office. we'll see though.
so that's my current status of life. i'm hoping with the laptop that i will be able to blog more. not that anyone really reads it. but i guess that's not the point. it's just to write down thoughts, and make realization of just how much is going on in my life right now. sigh...

so much to say

2008-01-26T12:36:00.001-07:00

yes, i have been away for quite some time. this blog can get very long, if i decide to share everything! i'm hoping i will be able to blog more, even though i'm going to be very very busy! how is this possible? two reasons. 1. we FINALLY got cable, internet! oh my gosh it is so much faster i just love it! 2. i'm buying my friend's laptop today! yeah, it's older, yeah, it's used, but it's a start! this will help me out so much in the future!

so, Pedroia's doing great. we enjoy having her. my husband just took her for a run, and she will be wiped out the rest of the day! it's great! his goal is to get her up to do the long saturday runs. we'll see though. she was very whiney at night but she's getting much much better! now she just cries in the morning cause she has to go outside. i love her to death though, and my husband actually said he loved her too!

this is the silly puppy! she was being very stuborn and wouldn't come. so she just sat down and didn't even move for 15 minutes! she's crazy. she was so cute though, i had to get a pic!

As you read in the blog before, i'm in a theatre company. and since it's new, the company members are working very hard to get the theatre up and running for our first show! we are basically turning an empty service garage in to a 150 (i think) seater auditorium and art room! it's slowly getting there, but i think we will be able to accomplish it! we don't really have much of a choice right now do we! anyway, i am props master for the company. so i get to be in charge of all our props! this will be a good challenge for me. i start rehearsals finally on the 7th! i've been so anxious to start!

i've had so much i wanted to blog in the past month. just random thoughts i have on my drives to and from work. but by the time i get home, i'm too tired, my husband's on the computer, i have to watch the dog, still working on the trust thing with her, and have many other things going on that i forget when i get home! so instead of writing my thoughts down, which is what i wanted, i'm stuck writing what's going on in my life. oh well. please see the link on the side for the theatre website and please come support it!

yeay me!

2007-12-18T10:21:00.000-07:00

first of all, yes, i know it has been a very long time. and this is going to be short, as i am at work and really probably shouldn't be writing. but i have some very exciting news! actually 2. the first one is i am now a proud mommy of a 9 month old border collie/lab mix puppy! pictures to follow soon. she's adorable and i love her to death!
the second one is i am now a company member of a new theatre here in colorado! what does this mean, you ask? it means i am going to be guarenteed to be involved one way or another with theatre for the entire year! i am already cast in the first two shows of the season! i will be playing Miss Willie in "Curious Savage" and i will be playing Sarah in Neil Simon's "God's Favorite". i am so excited! and, the even more awesome thing, is i will finally be getting paid to do what i love! yeay me! so for now, this is all i can write. i'll write more later once the holiday season comes to an end. HAPPY HOLIDAYS~!

shutting off

2007-10-31T15:14:00.000-07:00

yeah, i still have 15 minutes of work, and my mind has shut off. maybe it was my "margo" wig that squished my brain, or the fact that the pepsi machine's all out of mountain dew and everything caffiene and was wasn't going to pay 40 more cents in the cafe. maybe it's the eye makeup and allergies in my eyes (which i just found out i have very sensitive allergic eyes). or maybe it was the overload of faxes and emails everyone decided to send to me today! no caffiene. margo has come off. i have kickboxing tonight and i don't really feel like wearing an itchy wig to that. but i will probably put her back on for the trick or treaters. i'm just done functioning for right now. it looks like i'm working, but i'm not. you know what's really crazy? there is this brown haze over our state and it's kinda creepy. why? because it's all the way from california! and apperently it's made it's way to OK. cwazy! creepy! yeah, see! mind, shut off! this blog makes no sense. none. oh well. i must stop and get some gatorade before i get to the Y. she makes us run two laps and that just kills me! ok, blogger of no sense, leaving. must go kickbox!
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

Go RED SOX!

2007-10-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

i am so going to get beat up today. taken behind the building and beat up, left for the wildlife... not going to be allowed to pee in the same bathroom, eat in the cafe, people will slam doors on me instead of holding them open. why, you ask? because i am in Rockies country and i wore my red sox shirt to work today. i am a brave sole. some people think i should convert over. yeah. not happening. i won't even get into the whole ticket situation. i was really hoping to go though! oh well. pray i make it though the series! =)

can you believe it?

2007-10-23T14:31:00.000-07:00

one year ago (and two days) i said "I DO" to the most wonderful man ever! i want to do it all over again! since i was in a show, i was unable to go away for the weekend, so we stayed the night downtown denver in this historic hotel called "the brown palace". i loved it! i made my husband write in the comments when we made the reservation that it was our anniversary. and sure enough, we got a free upgrade to the top floor in this awesome room! the bedroom was as big as our family room. there's an office you walk through before you go to the bedroom. both rooms had flatscreen TVs. do'nt know the inches, but it was a nice size! then there was this little cubby hole that had a closet with bathrobes and slippers! and the vanity had ice and water already in the bucket and pitcher! then the bathroom had a sunken tub, a stand up shower, then the room starts to angle (the building is in the shape of a rounded triangle and we were towards the corner) and there are two sinks, then the toliet just inches from the windows in which you could see down town! don't worry, there were curtains. then we changed and went down for dinner and when we came back they had turned down our bed and left us three little fancy cookies. they were divine. it was so nice! and of course things had to go on hold while we watched the red sox WIN game 7!!!! tried to get tickets for the world series since they will be here, but no such luck. that's a whole frustration and blog! if i get to it. so anyway, i took monday off and we went to the zoo and had carabu hot chocolate (my favorite) and just enjoyed the day! sigh, i want to do it again. oh, and our friends had flowers delivered to our room. it was a very nice anniversary and i can't wait until next year! ha!

interesting

2007-09-28T16:19:00.000-07:00

isn't it interesting that i find out about my friend's baby via an email forward? we were writing back and forth right up to the delivery, then POOF! no more friend. did she have the baby? is she ok? is the baby ok? what happened? none of my friends inform me. i'm sure they think she would've told me since we were at one point inseperable. i tried calling her. she never picks up, so i quit calling her. i'm not going to email her. i don't know when she will be back to work, and since i don't have her home email, i just don't email. over 3 months later, i'm assuming she had the baby. they wouldn't let her carry it that long. it's just not healthy! so a couple days ago, i get an email from her! oh finally! she's going to tell me all the exciting news of her new little one! WRONG! it's a forward. and it's one of those forwards where you fill in your own information, like "what are you wearing right now?" i don't even open it. THIS is how my who i thought was friend is going to tell me she had her baby? i unfortunately have my email at work set up to where you can read part of the email. i see "mommy", she's obviously had it. then i see the "what is your favorite thing to do" and the first one has a boy's name, and it's not her husband. that's the second favorite thing. so i'm assuming this is the new little one. i hated to delete it, but come on! we used to be really close! then i move across country, out of every loop in ohio, and she doesn't have the decentcy to call or even email me about the baby, something she was very excited about? hmmm... makes me wonder. was i ever a true friend? i think at one point i was, but somewhere in the brief friendship, i somehow floated out of friendship, then i moved. i don't know if i did something that offended her? i have no idea. so i guess if she really misses me as she says in emails, she will one day email me or call (highly unlikely) and tell me about the baby. or maybe i'll find out in a christmas card. i am ending now. i have rehearsal. i just had to vent. and if you know who i am talking about, please do not pass on my frustration. if she's truly a friend, she will write, right? interesting...

figures...

2007-09-11T16:51:00.000-07:00

got my CP newsletter today from ohio. I was excited to see my friend on the cover. then i open it up and see that my friend's show from march was invited to a competition (or something good) and then i see my buds are all in the same show, snaps to you! then i see auditions. "you're a good man charlie brown". figures. i have been dying to do this show, and now that i've been away, the one theatre i always did stuff in is now doing it! figures. i'm a little far to audition. oh well. maybe it will eventually get put on out here... sigh...

late at night

2007-09-01T23:44:00.000-07:00

isn't it strange how, when your body can barely stay awake to finish the next chapter in the book, you put the book down, and try to go to sleep, and two hours later you find yourself more awake than you had been all day? did that sentence even make sense? yeah, i don't care. i've had all these thoughts jumping all over the place. and i can't pick a happy one to focus on and go to sleep. here are some of my crazy thoughts/memories.
i was thinking about my friend's wedding this coming july. i wonder if she's going to ask me to be in it. how should i make her thank you cards?
*transition*
i want to get married again. redo a few things i didn't like. like laughing in the middle of the ceremony. yeah that was embarrassing! what they didn't know was snot also shot out of my nose as well, since i was so happy i was a little (ok a lot) teary! i wish more people came that said they did. the reception was not set up how i told my mom i wanted it. i could go with a different photographer as well. yeah, that laugh was embarrassing.
*transition*
i want to go back to school. think they will accept a 30 something in the music theatre dept? what about web design? maybe CSU? that might be too far...
*transition*
HAHA! michigan got slaughtered! and it's all over even CO's news! Buckeyes won!
*transition*
i want to go to new york. can i go to ny and columbus? plus the wedding and a vacation? i need to get stuff from my mom's house (she's moving). wonder if my friend will go with me. oh i so don't want to drive through kansas.
*transition*
i want a dog
*transition*
i should go email my friend. i really want to go to ny. i should write my blog, work on my story. clean my office.
*transition*
i should work on wedding invitations for stampin up so i can get some business doing that! how should i set it up? should i use one color? (if only you could see the images in my head right now) i really need to move the tv to the other side of the desk.

yeah, i have nothing on my mind. can you tell? yeah, i know, it didn't take you two hours to read, but some of them were repeated. i think i left out some stuff too. i think there were even times i wasn't thinking, i was just restless. it's a crazy world after dark. strange things happen. the mind is completely different. and i could go on with a bunch more thoughts, but if i did that, this blog would be very long.
by the way BURTON, still waiting on that other piece of excitement! not fair for us who live far far away! oh and congrats JohnG and Burton on being cast! some day i'll be back again to see you guys on stage this time! yeah, don't know when that will be though.
sleep well world. try not to let your crazy thoughts overtake your mind as you try to slip quietly into peacefulness, even if it's only for a couple hours. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Unit 1 Female

2007-08-27T17:37:00.000-07:00

have i found my curtain players away from home? i have auditioned again, and have been cast again at the same theatre where i did diviners! could this be my theatre away from home? we shall see... still itching for that musical though. burton, you would like this show. perhaps you've heard? "the Deep Beep-Beep" seven short plays written to show what happened during the launch of sputnik. so, my play is a drama, but there's one with star trek which is just hystarical! i'm a pilot. i know nothing of the script, as we have not started rehearsals yet. but i'm glad to be back on stage, even if it's just 15 minutes. i won't be the only one. so that makes me feel better. we even have a performance at a planeterium! how cool will that be? so yeah. have that going on and that's about it. rehearsals will be minimal, so i guess that's good! one more local referance for when i audition for the musical in the spring in longmont!
oh yeah! speaking of longmont, my husband and i are going to join the Y in longmont, and i'm hoping to take up swing lessons in the month of Sept. and voice lessons if possible. we'll see how i am financially. so i'm going to take kick boxing and another aerobics class with my neighbor at the Y. going to start swimming again! will probably only be able to do a 500 (that's 26 laps) since i'm so out of shape! and now when it gets colder my husband can still train for marathons (i think he's hooked) by running on the indoor track. so we shall see what will happen with this, and hopefully i'll actually stick to doing something. by the way, should you read this tonight, supposedly mars is supposed to be by the moon at 12:30 tonight. don't know what time zone it is though. so we are starting at 10:30, provided the clouds go away.

the series is over

2007-08-17T03:55:00.000-07:00

if you've noticed to the right, i still had harry potter book 6 up. well, i was not able to go update in a while. since i was unsuccessful at falling back to sleep after being woken by my damn cat crying in our bedroom, i thought i would clean it up. i have finished the series and have moved on to an adult book before i hunt down the third eragon book ( and yes, i know i spelled that wrong) which i know is coming out soon because the second book has gone to paperback. anyway, i am not going to say anything about the books, in case you are reading, or hope to read the last book. i will say though, i don't recommend reading all 7 in a row. by the time you get to the last book you just want it to end. it's a good book, i've just been reading it since february and my husband started shortly after. we are slightly burnt out, and dreaming about harry potter. not a good sign.
i will say how interesting it is that bloggers take ideas from other bloggers. me included! i took the counter and locator from my friends blogs, and they have started including books they are reading. i just think it's neat how this cyber world our blogs live in obsorb features to make thier blogs more interesting. i'm just proud of myself for figuring it out on my own (with the help of my brother) and then being an inspiration to others to do the same! i'm usually the follower, not the leader. yeah, i know, not a good place to be, but i do follow more than i should lead.
anywho-the books are read.

go back to sleep

2007-08-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

i've decided to write at lunch today. today is not a good day for me. not sure why. ok, i have some issues that came up that have really pissed me off, more at the fact that i screwed it up, than someone yelling at me. maybe some of it is from the lack of sleep. haven't had a good nights sleep since vacation. wait, was i on vacation? maybe it's a lot of things and they have hit at once so i am having a hard time seperating things. i woke up this morning not wanting to go to work. i just wanted to go back to sleep and sleep ALL DAY for the next 5 days. that should've been the sign that it was going to be a crappy day. forgot we had this breakfast with HR and i looked like such a bumb today. oh well. then we had to say who was our biggest influence and i said my brother through major tears. i actually couldn't even get it out. but then i didn't explain why, but most of them know so it was ok. so now i keep thinking of that (not that that is what is putting me in a bad mood) then i get back to my desk and my supervisor emailed me on this issue and basically made me feel like i was the darkest crayon in the box. she even reminded me of the tip, and i explained to her at least two times that i didn't know it was suchnsuch (confidential payroll stuff, sorry) and that it wasn't communicated to me that way so i was just doing what i have bene trained on. and when she sent me the tip i told her that yeah, i might not be the brightest crayon in the box but i did know what tip. i probably shouldn't have said what i did, but i'm so tired of being treated like that. she does it to me all the time. and then they wonder why i'm always so hard on myself. i'll probably get written up or talked to this afternoon. but i don't care. i just don't care. there are other factors behind this issue that had me stirred up as well, so, yeah. i think i just need to go to sleep and rejuvinate my life.
on a side note, there is this guy that always parks his car outside my window and it cracks me up. he has two cars. one is very old and not even a classic or kept up well. then he has this probably 90's saturn station wagon. what is funny about this guy is that he puts a car cover over it. he even has a lock for it. ok, really? oh if i had a picture. he will come out at lunch or something and debate with himself if he should put the cover on, leave the cover on, take the cover off. he'll walk away, then walk back, then walk away again, then walk back. and just stare at his car. sometimes he walks all around it. sometimes when it's windy, the entire cover is over the front hood of the car. since it has a wire that goes underneith it that locks it, it doesn't blow off. it get's stuck in the tires. it's very amusing. his saturn has an atennea, and so it looks like this big tent.
i just want to go home. i really can't because things were missed on the payroll (ironically not my fault) and i have to do about 20 manual checks. jealous aren't you! so i guess i'll end my lunch, suffer through the day, and hope tonight i sleep the entire night (HA!) and have a better day tomorrow. after all! it will be friday! *sigh*

2:18

2007-08-15T16:32:00.000-07:00

yes, that would be the time that my awesome husband ran 13.1 miles!!!! yes, my husband completed his first half marathon last saturday in the mountains! i did not run it. i stayed in the car and let my friend drive along and stop occationally to cheer them on. then a little over two hours later, he crossed the finish line! he ran the whole way! i'm so proud of him! after the run we went up to the top of mt evans, which we have not been to yet. it was over 14,000 ft. there was this place that used to be a lodge or restaurant or something, but in the 70's there was a propaine explosition and all that is left is the stone walls. you can even still see the burnt wood! it was really cool! it was a long day, but it was fun! now my husband wants to run the full marathon in denver in october. so after his rest this week, he will be back training even harder! so i just had to brag about my husband and how proud i am of him!!!

always average

2007-08-07T17:18:00.000-07:00

so i was hoping this would be a happy and exciting blog, but it's not going to be. i auditioned for Damn Yankees this weekend and was not cast. and she continued to tell me on the voice mail that they did enjoy my audition, they just ran out of good roles.but they really want me to come back and audition for Fiddler in the spring where there are more roles available.ARG! ok, i was going to be happy with just a dancer, but i didn't even get that. and unfortunately it was a voice mail, so i was unable to ask just how personal was that voice mail? do they really want me to come back, where they really trying to cast me or is that what they told everyone? of course a theatre's going to want people to keep auditioning. whether they are good or not. this is the second musical i have not been able to get cast in. and what makes it more frustrating is i have been cast in every other musical i have auditioned for. it's days like these i wish i was a guy, where the competition is not as threatening. i would probably be cast if i was a guy. i'm just tired of being that average person. i'm even like that at work, but i won't get into that. just borderline of getting a role, but there's just that one person who is slightly better than me. ARG! i wish my husband would get a big raise so i could go back and get a degree in theatre. THEN i might actually be that person who just beat out the average girl. but i'm getting old. and i keep thinking i'm still young enough. but really, i'm not. i know, just keep trying. i've been doing that my whole life and never seem to cross that line. ok, i've been able to cross it once, when i was a lead, but there were three females. i've been pushed back so far now though, i don't know if i will ever get to that spot again. i want to be that person that everyone thinks they won't get in becuase i will get the role. i want to be that threat. but i'm not. i'm just average...

what's behind the mind?

2007-07-27T13:05:00.000-07:00

so i have no idea what to write. i'm on my lunch, only because i have to be, not because i want to be. since i don't live close, i either waste gas and money at a store, or hang out in my cubie. so i sit here, hoodie up, pondering on the thoughts in the back of my head. what do i want to bring forward? do i even know what thoughts lay back there? some things i just shouldn't post. i'm tired of writing non interesting, look what's got me down, blogs.
but why do i have nothing interesting to say? and why can't i get those thoughts out from the back? i could complain, but no one cares about that. you know that CD i was all excited that i found? yeah, it's still at home, so i'm not even enjoying it right now. although i do have bon jovi, and that's pretty nice to listen to.
i'm really really really tired. i wish i could just sleep through an entire night. i don't want to do the drugs thing. i want to naturally find my peace in the night. maybe that's why my thoughts are stuck in the back. my muscles are too tired to move them forward. i know there's a whole bunch back there. i just don't know how to get to them, and once i have them, how to get them onto this blog?
i'm just randomly placing paragraphs too. did you notice that? i either don't write paragraphs, or i at least have a sense of where they go. i'm just too tired to care right now! did you ever in school write notes to your friends and write them in different shapes and scwibbles (yes i wrote scwibbles) so the person who has to read it has to turn the paper in all sorts of directions? that was lots of fun. i don't know why i started thinking of that. i want to do that to this blog, but i really doubt it will be successful. plus it would be really hard to turn the screen. unless you have one of those really cool monitors. hehe!
so i guess that's the only thing i could come up with to blog about. i shall end it now before i start to continue to type about nothing, and why nothing is the only thing to write about. sigh. have a great weekend! break a leg if you are in show!

Josh Groban

2007-07-21T08:52:00.000-07:00

Heard of him? you should if you haven't. he's had some hits on pop radio stations. he's sung with the Boston Pops (which is where i first heard him), Allie McBeal, superbowl, Oprah, Salt Lake City olympics opening ceremony (with charlotte church) and many other events. i don't remember how i came across his first CD. But when i first heard him, i couldn't turn away. He has a song on the first CD that was sung on Allie McBeal. then after 9/11 (God rest thier souls) the song became more famous. forget the title. but it still makes me cry. went to a concert for his second CD. FABULOUS! OH! and he's on the soundtrack for Troy. He also sings in different languages as well. very unique musician. ok, so why am i writing about him? let me just tell you...
i am in love with this man, or rather his voice. i'm truly in love with another man, but when i hear Josh Groban's voice, my soul just comes to surface. my mind escapes. i listen to him when i take a bath, when i have a stressful day at work. i can't explain his voice. i have 4 cds. one is a cd/dvd. my favorite CD is "Closer". it had come up missing. i have this as concert mode which just highlights the cd (it's the cd/dvd) but it didn't have my most favorite song on it. i was going to withdraw! i almost bought the CD again, but got the new Bon Jovi instead. glad i didn't buy it for as i'm hooking up my old computer to get my theatre resume off of it, i notice the D drive is called Josh Groban! what? could that be? so i open the d drive and sure enough! it's my long lost "Closer" cd! i looked everywhere for this thing! i now have it back! and i am now listening to it!
"When you say you love me..." is my most favorite song. sometimes i can get all the way through singing it without crying. othertimes, i just have to let the tears fall. sometimes his songs just say the right words. just how i feel inside. yeah, i know there are lots of musicians that do that. for me, it's him. it's not just the words either. it's the whole thing. the voice, the rythmn, the instruments. it just pulls everything out from my deepest hideaways, and they all come running out, down the cheeks, clinging to the cheek, in hopes to absorb back into the deepest soul. some are successful. others fall off and leave thier marks on my shirt, the desk, whatever is in it's path.
one of my dreams is to sing with him. my life would be complete if i could just do one song, one duet with him. even if i don't perform it in front of an audience (which would be the icing on the cake). i just want to join our voices. see what would happen. would they clash? or would they sore above together? it's like finding a good pianist to play while you sing. it has to be a great chemistry to be a fabulous song. would we have that? as singers, performers? would we, together, be able to move the world? would i be blessed enough to actually be on a CD someday with him? i'm just a no one, here in CO. but, just for a day, i want to be a someone who gets to sing with one of the most unique, amazing singers EVER!
he's coming here in August. i don't get to go. for one, i just can't afford it. even the nose bleed seats are too much. and two, i don't really have anyone to go with. my husband would go, but i think it's during the week. i shall wait to see when he comes here again. maybe i'll just barge past security, find his manager and tell him i just want to sing one thing with him. just one thing. don't even care if it's just in a dressing room after a long concert. i just want to join our voices together. to see what would happen. to say i was good enough to sing with Josh Groban. and then my life would be complete.

i figured it out...

2007-07-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

it just dawned on me as i put my dishes away what i think i need to get out of this slump!
1. a laptop (which i don't have)
2. some really good books (which i do have or easily get)
3. vacation time (don't have)
4. money (don't have)
5. little beach house tucked along the beachline in petite keys (saw it on the travel channel once)
6. a lot of wine (don't have)
7. alone time (don't have)
8. lots of sun and ocean air (don't have, have mountain air though!)
yeah, so looks like i'm stuck in the slump. yep stuck. can't get out... sigh...

what's going on?

2007-07-20T11:38:00.000-07:00

yeah yeah. i know it's been a while. i just hate my dial up at home and having a terrible time trying to convince my husband we can get it. so i am writting on lunch. i don't even want to be here for lunch...
went to myrtle beach last week! it doesn't even feel like i was there. we went with some fabulous friends, and i hope they had just a good time as we did. what was really sad was i depressed half the time! i shouldn't be! i'm on vacation! away from everything here in CO! we didn't want to come back at all. who does?
i think there's something going on. in my head. i just don't want to do anything. even things i enjoy. i started to attempt to write a book. haven't been inspired to pick it back up again. havent' done any stampin up stuff. half the time i don't even want to read harry potter! who wouldn't want to read that? which reminds me, i need to update my readings. i don't know what's going on. there's so much i want to do, yet i can't get myself to do any of them! i even have an audition coming up in two weeks. need a monologue. i don't have a monologue. printed some off the internet before vac to start working on. never touched it. i just read through them last night. don't know what i'll do. this is not my strongpoint! i should've been working on this long long ago if i want in this show! yeah. need to get working on that. i'm just... uh, i just don't know! i can't even put it in words! i think i'm just stuck right now with my life. i don't want to be doing what i am doing, jobwise. i can't afford to pursue college to do what i want to do. i need a dog. i need that companionship. the cat just doesn't do it for me. it's on his time, not on mine. i need someone who will accept my lovin' anytime. besides my husband. he isn't even home half the time i am. it's still wierd to call him that. i'm stuck. in a hallway full of doors with no way out. or maybe i just haven't found the door that's unlocked yet. or the key to the doors. see! i can't even write my blog in the way i want to! ARGH! maybe i'm just making things more frustrating than they are. maybe i'm waiting for the "big break" when i actually need to go find it. i just have laziness tied around my ankles and i can't get the knot out. the only reason i want a kid is so i don't have to work for 6-12 weeks. and still get money. how sad is that? pretty sad. wow. this blog is a happy one... of course most aren't anymore for me. it seems like. i just need a change. like i haven't had enough of those in the past year and a half. i just need a different kind of change. or move along the ocean where i can sit on my back deck and write fabulous books (*hah) and not have to step onto an office, ever ever ever again... that would be nice. sorry for the downer. hopefully i'll have a good blog soon...

fluffer nutters and altitude

2007-06-16T08:52:00.000-07:00

fluffer nutter? what? yeah, that's what i said the first time i went to rehearsal as stage manager for my friend's play he wrote and directed. so i asked him what it was. he was totally shocked i've never had a fluffer nutter. so i found out it's a sandwich made of peanut butter and marshmallow creame. so i ventured out and tried it. not bad! now i tried it in ohio, and have not had them since.
so i'm at my friends house here in CO. we start talking about food. probably because we were both starving and it wasn't until after the mention of fluffer nutters that we realized this. she didn't know what it was either, so i told her about it. she was intrigued. we were going to make one, but we were shy the marshmallows and didn't want to go out. it was a lazy night.
three days later, it's a weekend. Sony, Burton, you will appriciate this! my husband was back from his business trip. we were sitting on the couch, and i looked over to him and told him i was craving fluffer nutters. he, at least, knew what i was talking about. we hadn't had lunch (or was it dinner?) yet, so he said that actually sounded good, so we went to the store and got the fluffer to our nutter! we get back and i start to make the sandwiches. so i twist off the lid of the fluffer and start to pull back on one of the tabs to get that seal thing off. i get a little bit off, and try to get the rest off when all of a sudden the fluffer starts rising out of the little hole that i had made in the seal! it just kept growing! it just kept getting taller! it ididn't even fall over the side! it wouldn't stop! it was ALIVE!!!!!!!!! it was actually quite cool to watch. so i use some of this for the sandwich so i could get the rest of the seal off. it still doesn't stop, and i'm struggling with the rest of the seal. i make another small hole, yet unsuccessful at getting the whole thing off. and yes, more started to come out of that! it was never ending! FINALLY i am able to get the entire seal off, and the fluffer stopped rising. whew! i guess it was under a little pressure at 5,000 ft! i was finally able to make our sandwiches and enjoy them, with no fluffer going to waste. it was quite entertaining though!

alone

2007-06-07T23:25:00.000-07:00

i hate being alone. last night, there were high winds, that kept me up. no one here to protect me. yes, from the wind. that made the house creek. made the sleep hard to come. tonight, i am yet alone again. i am so sad, for no other word comes to my mind. no, he has not left me, well, yes, he has, but it was work related, no worries. however, now i just mope around the house. eat way too much food, that isn't really satisfying. i watch sappy movies, that he wouldn't enjoy. and then i find myself crying at them. it is late, so the tv goes off. i go upstairs to my empty bedroom, sit on my bed, and find myself crying, lost in thought, missing my love. so i come here, to at least write something. whatever comes to the fingers i guess. i am homesick. i really only have a few friends that i would hang out with here. i can count them on one hand and not even use all the fingers. i have been hanging out with one, however, she is finishing college and can't spend all her spare time with me. this makes me even more homesick. the fact i have no one to hang out with at night. i've gotten lazy. the dishes have not been done. my laundry sits in the basement from a week ago. he will be back tomorrow. i want to go home. where i can count my friends on both my hands and feet. i want to be with my friends as they have babies, get married, get cast in shows, get broken-hearted. i want to live my life with them again. to see them in person all the time. not just a couple hours as i try to see everyone i can in three days. i want to be back home with them. but i can't leave my love here. for i know i would be even more empty than i am now if i should move back home. i am sad. i am lonely. i am sick. he will be home tomorrow. i even miss my job, as much as i was looking for a new job then. i miss the stories. the late night parties. the dance clubs. the bars. i'm missing babies, marriage, heartbreak, joy, accomplishment, sorrow. i make no sense. the fingers to the typing. it is late. i have hardly slept this week. i am alone in a huge house, which makes me even more lonely. i will wake with puffy eyes and a headache, force myself out of bed and go to the job that seems to be a dead end. i can't go anywhere else. i don't have the experience or degree. i can't go to college, for my love will be going soon. we can't both go. i hardly see him now. i won't see him then. i am alone with my thoughts. not a good place to be. alone.

a story of a cat

2007-05-31T17:38:00.000-07:00

the weather is starting to warm up here in CO. our cat is shedding that winter coat. i've already taken him outside in april to give him a good brushing. i was pretty successful at that. i just stayed on the back porch. last weekend, my husband decides to give him a much needed brushing. so he takes him outside, into the grass (the cat hates grass), and starts to brush him. i go out with them. it was going to be a very entertaining day.
he starts to brush the cat. the cat is so stunned that he is outside that my husband was successful at getting one, yes, just one good chunk of hair out. after that, the cat decided to go into the house. he kept trying to run towards the door. he would run really low, and stop at the flowers, as if it was a barriar wall that he could not climb. yeah, they maybe went to his chest, and he just climbed through them 2 minutes beforehand. so i would get up, get the cat, and bring him back to my husband. this went on for about 15 minutes. he even tried to hold the cat by the skin by the neck. it was a losing battle.
"that's it, you're going in the shower!"
we pick up the cat and venture up to our master bathroom where our shower is a standup, with a glass door. my husband locks the cat in the bathroom (toilet) and gets ready to go in the shower. (how i wish i remembered to get my camera before all this) he then gets the cat out and they step into the shower. don't worry, our cat is totally declawed. instantly the cat is meowing, no screaming at the top of his lungs. he's stretching halfway up the door (yes our cat is that big) hoping to reach the top of the shower. he's pulling at the bottom of the door, hoping it will open. he would get quiet, then start crying again. it was so funny! those who have cats, i'm sure you know what sounds i am talking about. it never dawned on him that after 10 minutes of crying, no one was going to let him out. he was NOT a happy kitty, but my husband and i sure got a good laugh!
the water finally shuts off. the cat gets dried off and wrapped up in a towel. my husband passes him on to me and i get the luxury of making sure he gets good and dry. so i sit in our sunken tub and dry him off. he's like a little baby. we thought for sure he was going to run off as soon as we let him go, go hide under a bed or something. he's finally dry enough and i let him go. he jumps out of the tub and stops in the middle of the bathroom floor and starts to lick his tail. the first time we get to see him after a bath!! he was so skinny! he hung out there for a little bit, licking himself dry. he became very cuddily afterwards! and he was so soft! i'm sure he felt better too. oh was it a sight to see!!!

lunch break

2007-05-31T10:53:00.000-07:00

the disadvantage of living 30 minutes away is i'm stuck here for lunch. my job in ohio i could go home every lunch! i only lived 10 minutes at the most away! so now i am stuck here. and no one is going to lunch, so i am eating at my desk. i was going to go shopping, but that get's pretty scary. especially when i'm by myself. so i am sitting here, not wanting to do work after lunch, ready to go home. i'm just so bored anymore here. it's a busy job, which i like, but it's not what i want to do, and the more i do this, the less i want to do it. but i have to stay here for a little bit so i can still live. everything i want to do pretty much requires a degree, so i would have to go back for that. so many decisions. and i'm getting older, and i just want to start over. go back to age 18 when i started college, and convince my mother i need to go to a far away school to study marine biology. i would only take my friends and my husband back with me. there's a woman here who is a temp. she will be doing my coworker's job while she is out on maturnity leave. this woman smokes. no one else in the dept does. i have a headache from the smell. she trys to cover it with perfume. that just makes it worse. i am reminded of this smell every time i go through the door. not very inviting. it makes me wonder if i smell like it when i go home. it really makes me not want to come in. i have to put up with it for at least 2 months. it all depends on when the baby comes. i just hope she comes back from leave, cause i don't think i will be able to work with this every day. it's kinda rude to ask her not to smoke. she's older, and some people are just set in thier ways and won't stop. she has that raspy voice, and wrinkily skin. and such a stench! ok, done venting about that. i'm just reminded every day of it as i take a breath and my nose burns!!! i'm still hungry. my lunch was not satisfying. i was trying not to have to get anything from the cafe, but i think i'm going to have to break down and get something. i did better this pay than last at spending money there. still more than i wanted to. oh well. . .

it's been a while

2007-05-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

yeah, i know. haven't written in a long while. the show kinda took over my life (as they tend to do) and i never really got up to the computer. i don't have the luxury of some with a laptop to write wherever i want. that is something i am hoping to get soon though. so here's what i've been up to. my show was a good success! had two different versions of reviews. one was in the Denver Post, including my pic! they recommended the show. the other was in the Daily Camera (Boulder's paper) and they did not recommend the show. we had another article, but it turned out more about the director and the assistant director hooking up and getting married during rehearsals. there's always drama within a show! =) but they did mention the play inbetween talking about them, and put two pics in, including me! which is very wierd because i had a small role. but man was she a fun roll! according to my husband, i was the only one that had full character to my character (and he wasn't just saying that), and he wasn't a fan of the play.
during the play, i turned the big 30. yeah, that really depressed me. took off work and sulked all day. my husband was good to me though and got me a journey emerald/diamond necklace and took me to gordon biersch for dinner. yum! still not happy that i am no longer a young adult. even though i don't look it. they kept reminding me in the show that i'm playing a 17 year old, so i shouldn't be so down. i just don't think they understand. yeah, i can still look it, but it doesn't change the #. and everyone takes birthdays and ages a little different. i didn't want to celebrate, and people knew that, yet they still felt they should. so i got a cookie with a candle and sung to by the cast. and people at work got me stuff. i just wish people would respect my decisions sometimes. oh well. it came, it went, i guess i'll get over it.
i saw Wicked! OH MY GOSH!!!!! go see! it was fabulously marvulous! i would've gone every night if i could! the girl playing elphaba went to northern colorado. my husband flattered me and said he wants to see me play her someday. i told him i wanted to play glinda, cause she's fun, but he said i would make elphaba more real. i totally recommend seeing it! it's not a show to overlook. it must be seen by everyone! my husband even stood at the end for the chorus! he never does that! we were on our feet before the curtain went up for the call! fabulous!
so now that i've seen that, have the taste of theatre back in my mouth, i'm thinking of going back to school for theatre. yeah, i know, i'm crazy. i've been arguing with myself on it however. am i really good enough to get accepted into the program? will my age be discouraging (yes, it bothers me)? even though i would look the same age as all the other girls, how would i do? if i do go through the program within this year, and then graduate in 4 yrs, that puts a lot of roles out of the question. would i have to move to NY? i don't want to. (yea, i'm crazy) could i just audition in CA? would anyone even cast me? so many questions.i just don't know what to do...
on a last note, as this has gotten long, we finally got our new bed!!! we got it from pottery barn. it is so nice! it's huge! seeing as it's a king size and a canapy. i just love it. and of course we had to get new mattresses as well. i have the hardest time getting out in the mornings. which i knew would happen. we still need one more dresser, but we will be getting that soon. it's on backorder. the bed is so solid and heavy, it's really going to suck when we go to paint the room! ok, i have talked enough. my husband has finished making lunch, and i must go before it get's cold. GO SEE WICKED! miss my ohio friends terribly!!

oh stage, how i've missed you!

2007-04-20T16:22:00.000-07:00

so we are three weeks away from opening night. i can't believe it's already so close! The cast is awesome! the show is going to be spectacular! i can't wait! and i am falling more in love with my character every rehearsal. it's my high. i will have the worst day, or be so tired, but as soon as i step on that stage, it's like this world does not exist. just this little historic church in a small town that is being transformed into a little town in indiana in the 1920s.
the other night i had the best experience and it really made me realize just how much i've missed the stage. i have this scene with a lot of lines. i'm telling about three stories at once. and my character, Darlene, just took over and i was just naturally doing things and the director liked everything i did! i even made him laugh! in a good way! it was great. i can't even explain the feeling. you thesbians know what i'm talking about. you just get engulfed in this person you are trying to create and when it connects, it's unreal, but great! i don't have her completely yet, but for that one brief moment at rehearsal the other day i was higher than a kite.
unfortunately, i won't be able to audition for a while because all the shows coming up are around the time my mom is coming, which would be great, but she's only here for a short bit and i don't want to be at the theatre most of the time. if the shows aren't then, it's when we are on vacation (can't wait!) so i must keep my eye out. this is the best drug ever! that and being in love with my husband. hehe!

Tumbleweeds DO exist!

2007-04-10T16:23:00.000-07:00

being an Ohio born American, tumbleweeds are not something that come blowing across your yard every day. sure, i've seen them on the western movies, blowing, tumbling across the dry dirt road from one ghost building to the next. but i never thought i would actually really see one! driving down the highway, they just tumble right across the road! not caring if you hit them or not. i wouldn't recommend hitting them though. if they get stuck under your car, it gets hot, BIG fire! haven't experienced it yet, and i hope not to. i've seen these strange weeds out here for a while. i just now feel like writing about them. it is so windy here today, the clouds cling to the earth and sky, as the wind pushes the middle away from its central being. they look like big sails in the sky. then tumbleweeds come running across the highway. not a care in the world. makes me feel like i'm in a modern western. plains on both sides, but instead of a dirt road, it's a paved highway with fast moving vehicles, struggling to keep their spot in the lane as the wind trys to clear the land. then the house creaks as the wind hits it with all it's might, huffing and puffing. tumbleweeds even find thier ways into our yard. old western meets modern world. the mountains don't seem to get the weeds. just strong winds blinding the roads, as it turns the soft falling snow to a white blanket. it's out to stop any car from passing. it's a 4 seasons on one day here in colorado today. and it's suppose to snow again this friday. calling for 4 inches right now. as the wind attacks my house, i feel safe inside the walls, knowing nothing will get through, no matter how hard it knocks (unless it's an uncontrolable funnel that the skies have released. but it's too sunny for that)

what to say!

2007-04-09T17:50:00.000-07:00

i don't really have anything to write about. at least at the point of writing the title. rehearsals are going well. they are really pushing me to bring out all this stuff with my character. i feel kinda bad that i keep holding up rehearsals by doing my scenes over and over until i get where they want me. it was kinda frustrating actually. but hopefully i will get her where they want her.
i've thought about writing a book! i know! me! an author! we'll see. i keep thinking about it, but when you have a computer that doesn't move, it's kinda hard and gets very uncomfortable to sit, it's hard to get motivated. and i have a friend who has said she would edit it for me! and i'm sure she can hook me up with some publishers as well! since she works for a magazine. i'm sure she can find someone!
not much else going on. not much else on my mind. i am very excited to see wicked in a month!!! of course that also means it will be the day before opening night!!!! i am so excited to get back on the stage! i just wish i could get on big stages, and even maybe a movie! some day i will make more than my husband and everyone will know who i am. don't know if i want that, but i want to share my talents with the world. ah to be mediocre at everything. someday i will find something that will make me shine!

had to walk away!

2007-04-02T20:18:00.000-07:00

i just can't take it anymore. i just can't watch the game anymore. and by the time i get this posted, it will probably be over. and seeing as i don't hear any excitement from my husband, i have a feeling it's not a pretty sight. why can't the buckeyes just win a championship this year? why are we making it all the way and then lose it in the end? now i will say that at least the basketball players showed up this game. i won't get into my judgement of the game. but i will say i am tried of hearing about Oden and how long he's been in the game, out of the game, blah blah blah! OSU has other players! it's like when krenzel (?) was the quarterback! all we heard about was how smart he was, blah blah blah. maybe if i walk away, there will be a miracle. maybe just maybe! i can't take it. i just have to not watch anymore. it's a good thing OSU has a good medical program cause they have a lot of heart attacks to study from all the suspense every sport seems to like to give. maybe some day they will make a movie about OSU, the teams that never made it to the end. sigh.

rough life

2007-03-18T08:48:00.000-07:00

i don't understand why people marry people when that person hurts them. i have a friend here that is married, and some of the things she tells me he does, i just don't understand. he doesn't hit her, at least that i know, but i think he's a little rough of the verbage sometimes. like, the other day we got in this little argument, and one of the things she said was that she has enough negativity at home, she doesn't need it here, meaning work. i won't get into that argument, but it just makes me think, why do people put themselves in that type of environment? they know going into the marriage that he's like that. maybe there's A LOT more good stuff about him that i just don't know yet. there would need to be A LOT, and i mean A LOT of good stuff for me to get over the not so good. yeah, i grew up with being terrified of my father. not exactly negativity, but it was abuse. why would i want to marry someone who would be the same way? maybe because i was already in that environment, i knew better? i don't know. i just don't see how people can be with people who make them sad, or don't have much good to say, wether about them or someone else. and then i think about the kids involved. are they going to grow up being terrified of thier father as i was? that's not healthy either, and they don't have a choice! i don't even know if this blog even makes sense. i just had to get it off my chest. whew.
on a side note, i start rehearsals tonight, and i can't wait!

17 again, even if it's just for a day

2007-03-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

My absence from the stage has ended! That's right my fellow readers! i am back on the stage! i saw the audition a week ago, i never got to read the script. just saw the ages. knew i would be stuck in the middle, but i thought i would give it a chance. so this monday, i went and auditioned for this little theatre (and you thought CP was small!) about 20 minutes away. i handed the director my application and he saw my age and told me that i was borderline for some of the roles, and i told him i had played a teen before (and won an award for it, but i didn't tell him that) and he said he'll see what he could do! so i go up and read. i read for the sister to the lead brother. both teens. felt good about it. then i read for her best friend and cousin, another teen. the character engulfed me! i was this person, saying these words and making these motions and i had no control of it! and i was reading her for the first time! it was the best feeling EVER! and how i missed it! so he had me read her a lot that night. then on wed, he sends out the email for those he wants called back. i emailed him back saying i would be there. he emails me back and said that i would've already been cast, however it was the boyfriend that i had to match up to and suggested i try to look slightly younger that night. and he really enjoyed watching me! there were more comments and suggestions from him in another email, that i won't bore you with, but it really shot up my confidence! so i work with my husband on how to get me younger. i go to call backs. two roles were already cast. the lead teen boy, who is slightly older, but it works, and then the preacher. both did really well at auditions. well, the teen (his character's name is buddy) sat beside me. when we went on break after a tough audition, he told me i did a really good job. then there was some small talk and then he wanted to know how old i was. i told him i would tell him later. i just didn't feel right telling him at that moment when my competition was sitting two seats over. break is over and the director asks some men to stay and say to everyone else he will email the cast list by saturday, but will probably have it out before then. then dismissed everyone else. so i look at buddy and tell him this is the worst part of auditions. he said i have nothing to worry about. he's pretty sure i am in. i said i don't know. then he said he would put money on it, and i said i wouldn't. don't want to get too confident! it just makes disappointment more shattering. so then i shake his hand and say congrats on the role for him and tell him i'm 29. his eyes got big and his mouth dropped and he said NO WAY! i just laughed and said yeah, and walked out. this morning i check my email about a thousand times. no listing. not that i expect it to be posted! then at around 9:30 i get a call from the director asking me to play the role of Darlene! of course i accept, i get off the phone and fly to cloud 9! i think i'm more excited to be on the stage again than getting the role! although i am thrilled to be playing Darlene! she is the character that overtook me and i can't wait for it to just grow and grow! i am so exited i can't even stand it! i just want to climb to the top of mt meeker and tell the whole world "I'M BACK STAGE! WATCH OUT!" and what is really cool is that i always wanted to play a teen or kid. i thought it would be something like charlie brown or something, but this works! sigh. still floating. somebody pull my cloud down! my husband is a little bumbed. i think he's kinda sad he's not on the stage, and he's the theater major! he is sad that he won't see me three days a week. and then if i have a workshop, or have to work at WS, yeah, he won't see me much. you probably want to know the play huh! it's called "The Diviners" and the website is www.tclstage.org just in case you want to take a trip to CO and see me!!!!!!! there's free lodging! YEAY!!!!

must be the night

2007-03-10T10:39:00.000-07:00

I had a terrible dream the other night. it woke me up around 3:30 and i forced my eyes to stay open. when that failed, i tried to get my mind to think of other things instead of what just happened in my mind. i think i fell asleep for an hour before my alarm went off. then i had that heavy sleep, like i didn't sleep well. oh wait, i didn't. so what was that terrible dream?
there's a girl i don't like back in ohio. in the dream, she convinced my brother to catch my bedroom on fire. this bedroom is of the house i grew up in. i was there when he does it. he sets fire to the bedsheets, which just lingers in one spot. i convince him to put out the fire. i told him i don't want my room to burn (who wouldn't!) and that i liked my bed (it's a canapy) and everything in my room. so the fire is out, however i can't sleep becuase i'm afraid she will look in the window to see if he succeeded on the fire. she never comes. but i hear somebody shoveling outside, yet there's no snow. so i go into work the next day, which is here in CO. she comes in because she works in the same department. don't ask. so i get up when i hear her come in and start yelling at her. i ask her why she would want to do such a thing and that i hate her and how cruel and rude she is. and then i tell her that it didn't happen. then she so casually (which makes me want to hit her) says, "that's alright. i've taken care of it along with some other houses.' she gives a little smirk and sits down. i run out of the office, and all of a sudden it's night. the guy (don't know if it's my brother or my husband, but i'm close to him) drives me to a house. it's a ranch. sure enough, the entire inside is empty and the colored walls are smeared with smoke. she wasn't lying. i run to the back yard, which is covered in snow and start to run towards my mom's house (that little growing up house has changed to this) and i ask the guy how far our house is from here and he said a couple blocks, so we run back to the car and head that way. i force myself awake. i just don't want to see my mom's house burnt by this evil person i had to work with every day.
That's my horrible dream. i was afraid to go back to sleep and pick up where i left off. i just didn't want to go there. but the other burnt house is still a vivid picture in my mind. and the look on her face while i yelled at her haunts me. it was so cold and uncaring, almost errie! ok, it was errie. i no longer have my orange mist (OJ and sierra mist) before i go to bed. just in case that was the cause of that terrible, horrible, awful dream.

Damn you Columbus!

2007-03-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

i knew i should've stayed here. sulk in my illness. get over the fact i don't have the group i had in Ohio. come to grips that i might never have that group, or any other group to really hang out with and stuff. just stay here, sick, for home. maybe, eventually, some day, 8 years from now, the illness would pass. but, no, i just fed the fire and went home. don't get me wrong, i was very glad i did! i had a great time with everyone, and even a greater time surprising everyone! i just wish the visit could've been longer. way longer, like 5 years. i don't even know when i would be home next. i'm not even allowed to go home for my friend's wedding! we'll see where i am financially by that point. i might be able to go home. but even that wouldn't be a long visit. they go on with thier lives, almost as if i was just a figment. and it even feels like i wasn't there. just a great dream. i try to cram visits with friends in a short time span, making me just a figment. was i really there? although this time i did not cry as i left the airport to go to my husband, i cry now. longing for that happiness that the jets of the planes suck out of my soul as it pulls away from the gate. i must guard the other happiness with my husband with steel walls so that does not get sucked out as well. then i would be left with nothing, but my illness...

success!

2007-03-03T20:32:00.000-07:00

i get to the door of CP, hair short and black (not my norm). My friend was running late, so we had arrived after the show started. Someone inside hears us arrive and meets us at the door. it opens as we approach the steps. i am maybe a foot in front of her. i know her. she looks me dead in the eyes and asks us a question. i don't even remember the question. i was so worried she knew it was me. my friend speaks. she turns to her. takes a second and realizes who she is. talks to her and then looks back at me, dead in the eyes. she gave no indication she reconized me. but would she? she shows us to some seats, there's not room. so she takes us to the other side. there's room and we quietly sit. first round, success.
i reconize the person in front of me. i quickly whisper to my friend not to mention anything about me. a funny part happens in the play. i laugh loudly. i hear my friend i have come to surprise laugh as well. (it's his first full length play to direct) he is sitting where we were about to sit. ironic? my friend tells me not to laugh. good thing it was more drama than humor. i would've been in trouble! intermission comes. the girl comes for our money for the tickets. she stands right next to me. i watch my friend get her check ready. i don't turn around. my friend then goes to get us something to eat. i get out and a good friend of mine comes around the corner and sees my friend. i quickly jump back in the seat, hoping she doesn't reconize me. my friend tells her i am from out of town. technically i am. while she is getting stuff, the director comes around the corner and starts talking to the ladies in front of me. oh crap! so i duck my head and pretend i am reading the program. i don't even know if he looked back at me or not, but he was facing my way. then my friend comes back and sees him standing there. "should we go to the bathroom to get away?" she whispers. "no," i say, "more people to avoid." he then starts to talk to my friend. i barely glance at him. i just look around the theatre, looking bored. occationally, i would look at the program. go away! i think. he's going to reconize me and it will be ruined! finally the music cues him to go sit down. PHEW! we decide to keep the wig on. while i'm watching the second act, i start to think about how much i miss performing on that stage. on any stage! this is my first performance in a year! and it's all improv. the show ends. my friend asks the ladies in front (who know me) to take our picture. no indication they reconized me. second round, success.
we hang around the seats for a little bit. then turn the corner. another friend of mine is at the table with the food. he looks at me. i grab my hair and pull it back. this long natural light brown hair falls. it is i. his eyes get big and he runs around the table and gives me a huge hug. he could not believe i was there. my friend told me to quickly put the wig back on, as the director has not turned the corner yet. so i rush into the bathroom, put the wig back on, and come out. just in time. he comes over to the snack table with his girlfriend. she stops next to me. she has no clue. i wait for him to turn around. he doesn't turn around. my friend trys to talk to me in a way that would make him turn. no luck. he goes to the side of the table. finally, as the glass is to his lips, he turns and looks at me. i pull my short black hair off. his drink goes back into the glass as he bends over in shock. his girlfriend still has not realized it is me. he runs over and gives me a huge hug. i tell him i came to support him, and wanted to surprise him. his girlfriend finally sees it is me and gives me a huge hug. all the freinds i had hoped would show up that night did. lots of hugs and smiles went around. final round, success!

Book Review

2007-02-23T21:43:00.000-07:00

Before i start about the books i've read, i just wanted to tell you how excited i am that i learned how to add all these links and how to change the colors! i think i've spent the last hour playing with the HTML color pallet! i had the previously read as different links, but i decided i liked the books.

Eldest
first off, if you have seen the movie eragon, but have not read the book yet and plan on reading the book, or vice versa, you are in for a big disapointment! the first book is so much better. and, johng, i read it over a year ago, so i don't remember if it was hard to read. he just tries to throw in some big words and it kinda throws off the rhythmn. keep reading! Eldest was very good. it does not have as much action as the first book, but i believe it is simply building up to the third book. my husband has to read at least a chapter before bed. I recommend it, but don't expect a second movie to be at all like the book.

Harry Potter #1
i had to keep reminding myself that the book was written before the movie. i must say i am glad to see the screenwriters stuck to a lot of the book, and used many word for word phrases, even if different people said them. i don't have much to say about this book. just that it was very good, and it read fast. i think i finished it in a week. keep in mind, i was sick (see earlier post) so i got a lot read.

ok, not the best book review person. and let me just tell you, finishing eldest, immediately starting harry potter, and things bothering me at work, i had some messed up dreams about being scryed (is that right?) at work while trying to do/learn magic! yeah they were messed up! i do recommend reading the books though! i think i would've liked eragon the movie had i not read the movie, but the more i read the second book, the more frustrated i got at the movie with how much important stuff they left out. especially if they plan on doing Eldest as a movie! Harry potter i was much more understanding. if they added everything in the book, it would be a 5 hour movie!

speaking of Harry Potter, let me just tell you how frustrated i am about all the publicity that is going on about what's his name doing that play in england. HE'S an ACTOR! actors like to try different things! it is a very good play my husband says. he's not going play a teen forever! he's just expanding his talent! and if the media didn't make such a big deal, no kid would know he was doing such a role. why? because no kid is going to go see the play! and even if they did go see the play, they need to remember, as does everyone, he's an ACTOR! it's not harry potter playing this kid who get's naked on stage! please! they are two different characters and i think he has every right to play whatever role he wants to. i just wish people had a more open mind. come on people. seriously! He's not going to play harry potter forever, and this other play (sorry i am terrible with names of both shows and actors) will be good for him as an actor and as a person! yeah, i might always get casted as playing some form of whore (prostitute, can can girl, on my 9th marriage, cheat on my fiances, wear two pieces - down boys-). i just happen to play those characters well. doesn't mean i am one. it's a good challenge because it is not who i really am. and the more i'm casted as that sort of person, the better an actress i become because i just have to work harder. if that even made any sense to anyone but me. and now i have blabbled from a book review to defending what's his name aka harry potter. if by some strange odd chance you are reading this, i say good for you! and i wish you the best! break a leg!

it is i

2007-02-23T19:09:00.000-07:00

can you believe it? i'm back! back from the dead, or rather reality. don't really have many excuses for my absence. but if i'm going to make up an excuse, i might as well make up a few!
I'm totally whipped. yes, by my husband. and not physically either. that's just not a turn on for me. he wants to spend time with me. cuddling on the couch, watching movies. AAHHHH.. yes i hear you guys. so i don't make it up to the computer.
i've been sick. all last week i would come home so tired from work that i don't even get up to get the phone when my husband calls to tell me he's leaving. and i go to bed shortly after 9. yeah, i was sick.
this past week, hmmm... really no excuse. i can't think of one. just can't make it up to the computer. so what makes we write tonight? yep, you guessed it. he is working his every other friday night, although it's been every week the past month. enough with excuses, even if they were good ones. =) i don't really have a theme for the blog. just what i can remember what is on my mind. i will say this,
I'M TIRED OF SNOW!!!!!
i never thought i would say it, but i did! even if it is just a dusting. i'm so tired of shoveling once or twice a week. although we did have one week of no snow! but we did have three days of frozen fog. that was fun. and now it's been warm enough, all the snow that is not shadowed has melted. our front lawn, yeah, still LOTS of snow. and guess what! it's going to snow AGAIN! seriously. i think we got the point. it's winter! i'm ready for the windows to open and cool breezes at night, and a quiet rain on the rooftops. the smell of wet sky blowing through the room! and my hair getting frizzy.
i'm going to see wicked! i'm so excited!! it's coming in may. let me just tell you about how we got these tickets. i don't know if i ever told you, but my husband made a friend at my cousin's christmas party. my cousin is not straight, and neither were many of the people there, but i was totally cool with that. well, my husband starts talking to this guy (yes, the guy is gay) and they exchanged #s which i guess was teased about afterwards. the guy (we shall call PA) has a serious partner, so it was quite interesting. anyway, they went out one time. i did not go on this adventure. they just went out to dinner. i guess PA just like to talk to my husband because they like to talk about things in ways that most people, including me, don't normally talk. if you've met my husband, you know what i am talking about, and i can't explain it. anyway, the next time PA wanted to do something, my husband wanted me to come too. so where to do we go? the mountains with PA's partner and another couple. the trip was a couple hours and PA kept saying how he wants us (my husband and i) to do all these things with him. the list is very long. we did have a good time, and when we got back, we hung out at their house for a little bit. which is when we were invited to see Wicked. now i kinda feel slightly intruding. there are a group of guys that always do things together, including my cousin. he is getting a ticket for his birthday, even though he really doesn't like theatre. so we are a new addition to this group, kinda. so, PA called us again a couple weeks ago and wanted to go out. so we meet him for a late lunch, meet his partner at the denver art museum (saw monet, it was awesome!!!) and then we decide to go out to dinner and then a movie. now i find myself relating more to PA's partner, who i shall call AL. however, i think he still feels a little akward hanging out the "the other kind" because we aren't normal in thier world. anyway, PA really wants us to go to this dance and drum thing for his birthday. just us and AL. none of his other friends. just us. ok. so we are going next wed. then we are going to wicked with a bunch of guys i don't really know, besides my cousin and these two. it shall be interesting, but it will be fun. for they are a great bunch of guys (from the brief moments i've met them) but i need some straight friends! i have one really good friend. but she's in school and works and writes papers for school, so i don't get to see her much. i have another friend that i hang out with how is also gay, and as much fun as her and her partner are, we need some straight friends! i just can't explain it. i love hanging out with them, don't get me wrong! and i don't feel awkward at all with either of them. i think i just need some friends.
i'm so itching to do theatre, it's killing me! i really want to do a musical, but i think that ship has sailed until after the summer. but maybe i can get into a play. i can do plays. i need to work on monologues, but i can do cold reads!
(side note, the cold front is coming. the wind is really hitting the side of our house! it's supposed to rain, then snow. i can just hear the wind for now. thought you'd want to know) i just want to be on the stage. i want to get really good and win awards again! yeah, i've only won once, but it's a great feeling and i want to accomplish that again! some day...plus, once i get into a show, i will know more of other auditions, and make friends! i won't ever see my husband, but i'll have some more friends! in case you didn't know, i really need to have that social life. my husband, not so much, but i do.
speaking of friends, i'm still terribly homesick. every now and then i will start to stare at my computer and my eyes get watery, and i have a quiet little meltdown of loneliness. my OH friends are just so much fun to hang out with! i totall miss it! and i've made my eyes water again! dang it! i am going to be hanging out with some awesome OH friends this summer as they venture to myrtle beach with us! i can-not wait! it's still a while so i should push it aside.
i shall conclude with the murder of the cat, or rather, some days i would like to! we bought grapes last week. we've gotten them before, however, Ols has decided to discover them this time. he now jumps up on the counter quite frequently, and it is really starting to piss me off! one day we came home and found all these little grapes all over the house! if that doesn't give it away that he was up there! every day, there were more grapes. i ended up not eating them anymore because i don't know what he's touched. do you know where that tounge and those paws have been? NASTY! i woke up the other day and found all the grapes lined up along the side of the sink. then tonight i make chicken nuggets. some were left out. i heard the pan move, and yelled at him. i didn't see him, but the shot glass with toothpicks on it's side was a good indication that he was up there. and he had the NERVE to meow back at me! i just want to cut his jumping muscles so he will stay down. one of these days, i'm going to buy fly paper and leave it on the counter. yeah, he won't like having THAT stuck to his paws. don't know if that will keep him down, but it's worth a shot!
i've written enough. this is what happens when i am left alone, not wanting to do anything, and not written for a couple weeks. hope you made it to THE END!

snowfall #8...

2007-02-01T18:13:00.000-07:00

This was once our light post, until the 7 weeks of snowfall came! fun times. fun times. actually, not really. i hate to say it, but i'm getting tired of it. i likeit on the ground, not on the roads. and i'm getting tired of our road not seeing any sort of snow removal. although today there was a bulldozer clearing the sides of the roads. there was some snow removed from the entry of our road, but that's it. i'm going to need new shocks after this winter! and you would think that we would've been skiing by now. nope. we are yet to go down a slope. oh well. and it is going to be -8 tonight and 8 tomorrow and -6 tomorrow night. then it will gradually get warmer. slowly, but it will get there. so far no snow next week, but that's what they said about this week, and look at my lightpost! soon it will just be shining snow. that would be cool to see! i'm off now to cuddle under the blankets! brrrrrr....

something a little different

2007-01-19T18:53:00.000-07:00

My dream catcher
My heart-throbber
My tear catcher
My lover.

My everything
My everyone
My every being
Together as one

My believer
My laughter
My defender
My ever after

happy wedding days!

2007-01-19T17:40:00.000-07:00

my friend is getting married this saturday. in ohio. i can't go. i already had prior committments. kinda sucks! i'm sure it will be wonderful though! i miss out on so much out here! my other friend is getting married in december. don't know yet if i am invited. don't know if i will be able to go to that one either though! why can't people get married out here? just kidding. it would be convienient for me, but not for the majority of thier guests. oh well. i know the excitement she must be feeling right now. i kinda miss that feeling! too bad it happens only once! it's a good thing, but i'm sure there will be other excitements ahead.
i should be working on getting my workshops ready for this weekend. i'm just not motivated right now. i am going to a surprise birthday party tonight, so the rest of the evening is out of the question. i will have to get up early tomorrow to get ready if i don't start working on it now. sigh. i've been so lazy! i wonder if it has to do with how depressed i am. actually, i'm pretty sure that is why.
two of my coworkers had a little talk with me today. they were concerned about how sad i've been and they found out how i felt about the switching that went on. they tried to make me feel better. reassuring me it's not my performance. my boss does want me to succeed. if she wanted me gone, she would overload me and that would either cause her to fire me, or i quit on my own. i guess that's good to know. but i still feel like shit about the whole thing. it's not like they gave me an easy group. we have the toughest groups out of everyone. but i still don't feel better. i was actually kinda bored today! my emails subsided. my calls subsided. yeah, it will be interesting. sigh.

Peanut Brittle!

2007-01-17T19:40:00.000-07:00

i always like throwing off my coworkers. when they call, sometimes i say "peanut brittle" and they start chuckling. hehe! yeah, i know i'm odd. i'm just trying to lighten my mood. still very depressed about the whole job thing. today was the official switch. i'm going to have a new backup, and she is already driving me nuts! *breathe* it is for the better, i must tell myself. it's a good thing. PEANUT BRITTLE! today is a crying day. i want to go to hawaii and get my marine biology degree. that would mean another move, and then when i would graduate, i would want to go to new england to maybe even get a masters if i'm smart enough. but i want to do marine rescue. that would be the most satisfying emotional rollar coaster i would ever be on, but i would love every single minute of it! so i don't think i am quite ready to move two more times in the next ten years. especially if there are kids by then who are in school! we'll see. i might try to do most of it on-line and then maybe only have to go to hawaii for a semester or two for the hands on, in the ocean, experience. right now, i just want to cuddle up and cry all night. but i don't want my husband to know just how down i am. yeah, i know i shouldn't keep things from him, but he knows about it, so it's not like i'm hiding it. i just hate how i look when i cry a lot. PEANUT BRITTLE! it's an ice cream night, even though it's like 8 degrees outside. it's a good thing i don't have any here! i'm way to lazy to go get it! mainly because i have to manually open the garage door because neither the garage or garage door are insulated, so the door is completely frosted and weighs too much for the motor to pull it up. it's very annoying. so i will stay in the house where it is warm, and read my book. =(

ambitions for the new year

2007-01-12T18:27:00.000-07:00

yeah, i know it's like 12 days into the new year. i have to start sometime! actually, i've thought a lot, pursued not. hehe! i like that!
1. the first thing i want to do is paint our guest bathroom. we registered and recieved stuff for it, and now it's time to make it all grown up. it currently has fish on the walls, and i'm just not interested in them.
2.i'm going to get back into theatre, as soon as i quit missing the auditions and take up voice lessons again. I'm so jealous of those who are involved right now and i just sit at home, writing blogs.
3.hang up our pictures finally!
4. go back to school. what i will major in, i'm not quite sure. i'm leaning towards interior design, but still unsure of that. however, if i go back to school, theatre looks slim. although it will depend on how many classes i take and stuff. my poor husband won't ever see me.
5. get new bedroom furniture.
6. get a new car. after these past 4 weeks of snow every friday, i've finally caved in and will get the WRX STI subaru that my husband wants me to get. all wheel drive will be very helpful on the highways in all this white stuff! I'd get it in gray, however he does not like that color. we shall see.
7. hang out with my cousin more in denver.
8. go skiing on a real mountain!
9. paint our bedroom (after the bathroom is done and funiture is bought)
10. hike more.
those are the 10 things i want to accomplish this year. it's not a resolution, just an ambition. anyone want to join me on any of these? it's not as grand as last years, but it will do! it will keep me busy, and distract my mind that i am terribly homesick. and hopefully i won't go in debt trying to accomplish the list!
by the way Jer, my coworker googled me today at lunch and saw the article you put in the newsletter about my wedding! that is so sweet! thanks for that! i'm off to stay warm (in case you didn't know, -5 tonight, and tomorrows high, 5. is that really a high?)

life and stuff

2007-01-11T17:49:00.000-07:00

it's been one of those weeks. it didn't start out good when that OSU team totally embarrassed any fan on monday. the only good thing that came from that game was i got to know my neighbors more. yesterday my boss had a meeting with me a another coworker and decided to switch our payroll groups because she is a stronger payroll person right now, and i'm just not there yet. i have corp payroll and they always have me bogged down. i don't hold anything against the girl i am switching with. she is my friend and a stronger worker. i'm up fro whatever will help our dept but i am totally disappointed in myself. i feel like i have failed. i'm a disappointment. oh, the not so good words run through my mind. i know it will be a good thing, it just hurts. more me hurting me than my boss trying to. and i don't think that was her intent and she probably has no idea i've cried twice over this at work. not to mention the other times at home. i can't tell her because it's all me. and it is supposed to snow AGAIN! talk about adding some morning stress before i even get to work, having to drive over half an hour when it usually only takes 30 minutes. i got a Christmas card from a friend who is taking up exotic dancing with another friend. sounds like so much fun! especially with those two! my friends are being casted in shows, getting married, having babies, going to parties, taking up dance, and i am out here. haven't really found those friends yet. i am totally homesick. as sad as it is to admit it, i would totally move back to ohio if my husband would allow. but i know he won't. it's not that i miss the actual state (i would rather be here with snow every friday than the unusually warm either there) i just miss my friends and the things i could do there. if all my friends would move out here, i would be the happiest person alive! but i know that won't happen. i have never been homesick before. maybe it's because i knew i would be going home soon. that is not the situation now. don't get me wrong, i am thrilled to be out here with my husband and going on new adventures and playing in the mountains (best playground EVER!) and i look forward to more adventures. i just wish my friends could come too. now i know how my husband felt when his family moved him from Connecticut to ohio and why he doesn't get close to many people anymore. but he had no choice. i could've said no to the proposal. i could've stayed there while he traveled here. i would have this huge dark void in my heart, but my friends would be there for me and eventually my life would get going again, but i would be able to go to parties and baby showers and weddings and theatre productions to support them. now i just watch in the distance. all i can do is leave comments on their blogs or in emails and christmas cards. and the occasional phone call. not the most happy blog, i know. and i did not intend for it to go this far, but sometimes when i don't really know what to say, i just need to write the first sentence, and it's off, like thoughts in the head that don't ever stop. but i will stop. keep in touch my friends! i miss you guys! break a leg in everything you do! KISSES!

Who kidknapped the BUCKEYES?

2007-01-09T18:16:00.000-07:00

To my distraught, someone has kidknapped the OSU football team! did you see the game? yeah, that was not my OSU buckeyes! someone tied them up in the locker room and pretended they were the undefeated buckeyes and made us look so terrible! That was not our team playing last night. no, see the buckeyes would protect troy smith. the defense would not allow the offense to score that many times! no no! the real buckeyes were not on the field! i hope they have been released and demand a rematch! that's all i have to say on the subject....

Because i knew you...

2007-01-04T18:41:00.000-07:00

I read a comment a friend of mine left on one of my blogs about how he still listens to the musical i introduced to him 2 years ago. and it made me think of what i wrote in our thanks yous to our wedding party from "Wicked" . the section i used is as follows: "so much of me is made of what i learned from you. you'll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end, i know you have rewritten mine, by being my friend." i often wonder what would people be like if i never knew them? my friend, he wouldn't have a new musical to listen to! my husband, he would have a new wife, if one at all! wierd to think. i always wanted to just see what it would be like. you see, 17 plus years ago, as not a lot of my current friends know, i was very suicidal. i didn't want to live. i felt ugly, and unloved, even though i had a boyfriend, hated or made fun of by many, abusive father, felt stupid, just not really meant to be in the world at that time. occationally i will look at my scar and wonder what if i really did go all the way? what impact have i put on my friends now? what would be different in thier lives if i never made it through high school? i feel we all have a path to take, and along that path there are many things we influence in every way. i wasn't meant to jump off that path though. i was meant to hit all the bumps, no matter how deep, to find the smoother path. and what if i took a different path at the fork? what if i never moved to columbus or even colorado? everyone would go on with their lives as they do now, never knowing me. and what would that be? what impact have i left? no one really knows. i was meant to meet these people. my mind just lingers of what ifs, knowing that i will never find the answer. and then i wonder what would my life be if i never met my friend who would've never found the musical. what would my life be if i never met him? i would have no one to tease about spilling beer and getting a lid for the cup so he doesn't spill! and what if my husband never moved to ohio? would i be married to someone else? or married at all? would i be able to love someone as much as i love him? i know these are things we should not linger on. so i don't, but i thought i would throw it out in the void. all my what ifs. i'm glad i never got off the path. yea, it was rough. very rough, but i think i needed that to be who i am now. i'm glad i have the friends i have now. it's helped me become who i am. why i think the way i do. why i act the way i do. yeah, i stumble a lot, but my friends are there to lift me back up and dust off my knees. if i never met a friend, i would never have this awesome quote and CD! well, i would eventually, but not when i did! and now through tearful eyes, i end this void of what ifs. i thank you for being my friend. i now anxiously await what is ahead on my path, while knowing what's behind me will also always be beside me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

2007-01-03T19:52:00.000-07:00

so a new year is upon us! i don't know what to do this year! last year was so busy!!! i think i could've done a few more things! let's recap, shall we? exactly a year ago, i did the biggest move ever! in many senses of the word! i packed up my things, and left ohio with a tearful joy. took a trip with the future inlaws which was interesting and i was ready for them to leave after the 4th day. two days in the same car is a LONG time to be with someone! so i moved into a three bedroom apartment that we didn't fit in, but we made it work since we knew we would not be there long. once things settled down with the move and i had no job, i started planning my wedding! for three monthsi went on three interviews and no bites. then i jump on the first job availible that took me. although it was temp, it was a job which i needed. things were not going well there, so the job search journey began again! meanwhile, i am still planning a wedding, and looking for houses with my fiance a the time. we find a house, however we don't close for three months. no pressure on finding a full time job! june finally comes and i fly back to ohio for a weekend for my bachelorette party and bridal shower. then things really were not going well at my current job and i had one possible temp job, but they were being slow on it. finally at the right time, i get a call from my current job, offering me a job. and i take it! not because i needed to, but becuase i wanted to work for them! so i start there, i pack our apartment and we move into our house all in a week! whew! and we are only in the begining of august! still planning a wedding! talked to my bridesmaids a lot! talked to mom way too many times. we get moved in, then i try to get my personal business going. sure enough i am able to get people to a workshop and it just booms from there! at least three parties a month! then i decide i need more to do, so i take a seasonal job at one of my fav stores. then october comes and i am gone for a week and a half doing the most wonderful thing that could ever happen! get married and go on a honeymoon! heck yeah! then we come back and find our cat ate our bird. tragic! i also have two parties within the first week i am back! whew! then christmas starts up and i have more hours at my seasonal job and somewhere in there, i have to get christmas gifts! then snowdays come and i actually stop for the first time. i didn't know what to do! but that quickly picked back up and now it is the new year! started out with a hangover, so i'm thinking it's going to be a pretty good year! why? because last year i had a hang over and it was an AWESOME crazy year! but i would do it all over again! except the interviewing and working at the hotel. insane! so this year, i have nothing planned except a summer vacation! sorry, ohio, going to the beach. but it's going to be a good year and i'm excited to start it with my husband as we begin a new chapter in our lives as husband and wife! life is good. i wish you a great new year too! don't dwell on the bad stuff, for there are way more happy stuff!

amazing...

2006-12-29T20:43:00.000-07:00

so i just checked my email, and my mom is actually planning on coming out here to visit with my grandma (her mom)! this is quite a big step for my mom. i didn't think she would come out here at all. even if i had a new grandbaby for her. which i don't! don't start thinking that! this will be her first time flying in YEARS! maybe even decades! ok, maybe one decade and a half. i don't want to make me sound older than i am. they are coming in the summer right before we go on vacation. it will be a change for her and i don't know if we would be able to take her into the mountains much because she gets motion sickness, i think. at least that is what she told us so she wouldn't go on rollar coasters. so that will be exciting! i won't be able to miss work for her visit since all my vacation was used for the wedding and our vacation this summer. oh well. at least she is coming out and i shouldn't complain! well, it's not set in stone, so i'm not going to get all excited about it, but i am rather surprised! anyway, i wanted to share. see when my husband works late, i live on blogger. off to read about the journey of a rider and his dragon to get training done! hope rohan can survive! =)

snow pictures

2006-12-29T19:45:00.000-07:00

thought i would share some pictures off my NEW DIGITAL CAMERA! yes, i just got a digital. i wanted a good one, and haven't had the money, but santa pulled through and got one for me! it rocks! it has a snow setting, so i was able to take pretty good pictures. these are from the first snowfall last week.

we had to dig ourselves out of our cal-de-sac (learned how to spell it!) because, as i said, plows don't know our road. this is a view from our house upstairs. the semi-plowed road is to the right. put some neighbors together and this is what you get!

This is a picture of the foothills. there was an overcast over the "high country" so we couldn't get really good pictures of those. so this will have to do, but still awesome! when the sun is out, you can't tell what mountain is what! it's all together.

This one is from the back yard of my co-worker's house where i stayed last night because the drive was too bad for me to go home. she lived around the corner from work.

so are these pictures inviting? see what you are missing by staying in ohio? you should come (when there isn't a storm) and enjoy the snow!!! and yes, this new camera means more pictures in my blogs! oh! and johng, my husband got me the series of harry potter! paperback, but i got it! thought of you and hope all your readings are going well! =) miss you ohio!

3 feet to 5 feet

2006-12-22T23:58:00.000-07:00

that is how much snow we have around our house. we were told we just got 2 feet, but with all the drifts, we surpassed it! we had a 5 foot drift along the back of our house, and 2 ft of it were actually along the screen door. i looked at our cat and told him it was a good thing he was not a dog or he wouldn't be going potty! we have drifts that are almost over our fences. we shoveled at least 3 ft off our driveway. we live in a caldasac, i don't know how to spell it, and apparently we don't ever get plowed. so our one neighbor was determined to get out thursday so he shoveled from his driveway to the other road. it's not far but with three feet of snow, whew! we were at our neighbors house when he finished and when we were walking home, my husband shoveled from our driveway to the pathway. and so eventually did all the other neighbors. it is quite a sight! most of the roads were drivable today. the sun was out most of the day and helped to melt the snow, however, a lot of it just froze again and we are supposed to get flurries tomorrow! i still need to go shopping for my husband which i don't know if he deserves anything right now, but i'll get him stuff anyway. i'll have to get up early to do it so we can spend the day together (again, not sure if he's worthy of such treatment). then i have to work christmas eve. then it will be christmas, and then life will get normal again. it's like a roller coaster. those who really look forward to christmas and all the meanings behind it, take that really long track up a really steep hill. the chains going clink, clank, clink, clank, as you slowly reach the top. then on christmas eve, you just hang over the top of the hill, like you are in the first car (best seat ever!) then christmas day comes and you are down the hill, going 60 miles an hour and then it's over in a matter of minutes, or a day in this case. then you get off and start all over. i know. strange comparison,but somebody has to be odd! =) i guess i should go to bed early now so i can my husband his unworthy gifts. oh and if you want to know what he did, or didn't do, i'll tell you. i had to work tonight at my second job and was going to go to kohls since it's open till midnight. well, i don't know his shirt size so i called, and called, and called both phones. even left a message on both phones. did he answer any of them? NO! what if i was in a snowdrift or something? it's still not the safest of driving conditions! then to top it off, i get home and find that he deleted the message on the home phone and obviously was too lazy to go back downstairs and get his cell so he could be on it for two minutes to tell me what size dress shirt he wears. i'm so irritated. anyway, happy holidays!

SNOW DAY!!!

2006-12-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

I did not make it to work today. i tried, but i failed. you see, there is this huge snow storm coming from the east (which is odd) and bringing with it 12 hours of snow!!!!!!!! yeah. so the wind started at 4:30 this morning. i woke up and never fell back asleep. so i got up and got ready for work. by this time, there was snow on the ground, but not a whole lot, and most of it was blowing off the roads. so i venture out to work and the main road was alright. tire tracks are always nice. so i get on the highway and hello crappy! i made it to the next exit ( a couple miles) and convinced myself to get off and go home. it was just getting worse and i wanted to live today. so i turn around and come home. which was even worse than when i was heading to work! and so now i am home, not getting paid, and catching up on things! i feel bad that i didn't go in. i feel like a chicken too since i did grow up in ohio and i know how to drive in this stuff. but i am home now and i am staying. my husband went to work, but he doesn't have to go on the highway! which you would think would be better, but it's not. and unlike ohio, we don't have levels here, so they are just advising people to stay home instead of issuing a level 3. they've closed I-70 from outside denver to kansas. denver is in a blizzard. the snow hurts on the face, but it's also pushed by strong winds. if it wasn't so windy it would be a perfect day to ski! fresh snow! it's so peaceful falling when the wind isn't blowing. but i'm not going skiing since i didn't go to work. although i'm sure there are a lot of people that ditched work to go ski! must be nice. i finally gave in and is letting my husband get me the Suburu that he wanted to get me next year. yeah, i need that all wheel drive without being in an suv. experienced that this morning! i wish my husband didn't go in. they we could cuddle all day and drink hot chocolate and watch movies and stuff! but no, he went anyway. did i mention that by 10:30 there was already 4 inches on the drive? we are expected 9 inches by 3 and a foot by 10. at least a foot, if not more. and we are supposed to get 1-2 feet total! fun times! i miss snow!

Moshposh

2006-12-15T19:25:00.000-07:00

That's my new word. i love it.and that is pretty much what this blog is going to be. i don't have much to say right now. had no purpose of writing a blog today. no one seems to leave comments on what i say. now don't go starting to leave comments because i miss them. i just want you to leave them when you want to. everyone is busy getting holiday stuff i'm sure. i'm almost done, but that's because half of it i have to ship across country. i haven't written in a while so i thought i would at least leave something. i did get my wedding pictures back! yeay! there was one picture that just made me cry instantly. it's a picture of my brother and i after we just did our brother/sister dance, and he is holding my hands straight down in front of us and is kissing me on the forehead. why would i cry at that? because it's my brother and it's just that sibling closeness that we have that for him to do that is very meaningful. ah, my little brother. see! i even made myself cry right now! anyway, that is one of my most favorite pictures! he's so getting that for christmas! if i can get them printed in time! this christmas is going to be the first i have ever been away from my family. it's going to be wierd. but i look at it this way, it's a great way for my husband and i to start our own things, and enjoy the company of each other every holiday. because i know down the road it won't be so quiet. so far the cat is being good with the tree and lights. knock on wood. now we will see how he does with the gifts! the snow has finally melted from the front of our house. the mountains are still beautiful with the snowcaps. can't travel much in them though. at least this weekend. we will get snow again on sunday. the day i have to work. i think i am going to start taking voice lessons again. i miss singing, and i'm a little rusty now. i haven't sung in over a year! for those who know, sound of music was my last show! i'm going through theatre withdraw. i'm getting hives. my feet are itching. my ears are growing green. must get on stage!!!! ok. none of that is happening, but it would be funny if theatre effected me that way! not much else to say! not a whole lot going on in my head. well, there's lots going on in my head, but i don't feel like sharing. the whole christmas thing. i'm sure there are tons of blogs talking about the spirit or no spirit or whatever they believe or feel like complaining about. and that just bothers me. the complaining part. so i will just keep it to myself for now. actually i haven't really been in the christmas kind of mood! just a different place and it's just and adjustment i'll have to get used to. eventually it will happen! miss you ohio! O-H! I-O!! GO BUCKS!

i'm so bored

2006-11-29T19:06:00.000-07:00

so much to do, yet i don't want to do any of it. yes, i know, two blogs in one night! after a break from blogging, i write two in one night.
william sonoma- love the money, hate the extra time taken out of my already busy life. this past weekend, i worked 11 hours on black friday, 8 hours on that saturday, had sunday off, and after a long day of my full time job, i go back on monday 5-11. i now have two days off and go back to work tomorrow. i work again sat for 8 hours (where did the 5 hour shifts go?) and back on monday. yeah, i might have sunday off, but...
stampin up! - business is speeding up! except when i'm not working at the job above on the weekend, the other day is focused on stampin up! what was i thinking? i don't make enough with this to help pay for christmas. although business is good, i just don't know what i will bring home at these parties. the most, i think, so far has been $60 but after this sunday, i won't have a party until january. i don't have any booked, and i'm not going to book anymore parties in december. i will for january, but not december. more for my own sanity than anything else. i would love more money, but i don't think i would make it.
CE - yeah. it's a job, not a career. it pays the bills. i like the people i work with, i like the job enough to stay, but i can't wait to get out of there. just out of the whole 8-5 at a desk, data entry blah blah blah thing. there are things i want to go back to school for, but i'm just afraid i won't do well in that to make a career out of it. yes, it's one of those downer blogs.
sigh. i'm even listening to christmas music, and the lights are on, and i'm still blahish. that's a new word by the way. i just made it up. it's going to be the new fad for '07. "that's blahish"
so husband is home. he'll be up soon, and he will read my blog as i type so i must end. tomorrow is a new day...

baby or no baby?

2006-11-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

my coworker is pregnant. she got married almost 1 year before i did. she kept coming to work so very tired. i kept asking her if she was pregnant. she kept saying no. well, over thanksgiving, she found out she was. then she told me and two other coworkers at lunch that monday. we aren't supposed to say anything yet to the others. she's not that far along. when she told our boss, our boss told her she knew someone was pregnant, but she thought it was me. so that got me slightly paranoid. does she know something i don't? how could she? so then i started to freak out because i have been as tired as my friend. and you know what was so sad about the whole thing? i didn't want it if i was! how cruel am i? i don't want something that my husband and i have made together. maybe some of it was i'm just not ready yet. i just got married after all! and got a house! i can't afford a baby too! but i just don't want kids either! i told my husband i would have one with him, and maybe after that, i will change my mind. but no kids after 35! but now that the thought was in my mind, i really didn't want it! i was going to have to lose weight before i gain baby weight. and if i take after my mom, i won't lose the belly! i totally had a few days of freaking out. then aunt flow came to visit and it was safe for me to tell my husband that my friend was pregnant, and that our boss thought it was me. and you know what he said? if we were going to have a child, we would have to sell the house. that is his answer to any sort of financial situations that might come up. very frustrating. i won't even go into all that frustration. so now my new stress is, what if i still feel that way when i do get pregnant? am i going to have endless nights of crying? thoughts of falling down the stairs? i already feel that way now! i just don't want to be a mother. a mom. i just don't think it's something i will be good at. i know everyone seems to think i will be, but i'm really afraid that i won't! our child will be terrible because i can't control it like a mother should. i can't nurture it like a mother should. i can't love it like a mother would. i don't think i'll be able to have the patience for it! will i always yell at it? will i get bored trying to keep it happy all the time? what is wrong with me? why do i not want this wonderful miracle that God gives us? maybe i'm just not ready yet, so these thoughts are all fresh. and when i do get pregnant, it will be because we are ready as a couple and it will be happy thoughts. i have to have a child though. i told him i would, otherwise he wasn't going to marry me. boy would that piss him off! he would probably leave me right there. or kick me out. either way, it would be very very bad. the joys of motherhood just don't exist in me right now. i'm in for a long 18 years though when it comes.

lion king

2006-11-18T19:14:00.000-07:00

Did i tell you i was going to see lion king? yeah, we went last saturday for his birthday! it was awesome! ok, awesome is putting it lightly! it was breath-taking. it is a must see! as soon as the curtain went up, i had goosebumps! and the only thing on the stage was the baboon (can't spell the name) and she was awesome! then the set moved on it's own, and the stage rose, and animals started to come on stage and down the aisles, and i was in heaven! they had an elephant too!!! my fav costume was the giraffes! and the sets were awesome! like when mufasa dies, the whole stampede was just awesome! and the headpieces of the lions were awesome too! and the singing was breathtaking! the guy that played older simba had a slight speach thing, but i got over it. it was spectacular! i can't even begin to put the right words to it! GO SEE IT!! it rocked! and wicked is coming next year! and light in the piatza (however) and yeah, i miss theatre. i miss my theatre friends. they are always the best to hang out with. =) go see lion king! you will love every aspect of it!

GO BUCKS!

2006-11-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

And that is all i am going to say on that! oh and big ten champs! YEAH!!!!!! don't look so blue blue! =) hehe.
so i don't really have much to say. i just had to write a blog. i am still insanely doing three jobs. i dread going to the second one, but then once i'm there, i'm fine. it just takes time out of my evenings and weekends, but i'm getting christmas money (not that i have time to shop now) so that works out. i am enjoying being married. it's very wierd to call him my husband, or to hear him call me his wife. or to see my name with my new last name (finally!). but i think i can get used to it. these next couple holidays are going to suck. we won't be able to go home and i seriously doubt our families are coming out here. so it will just be us. but that will be ok. it's bound to happen sometime. so this is quite the mosh posh of blogs! i am thinking on taking voice lessons again. slightly out of practice. hope to be in a show soon. still have to check out auditions. which reminds me, i have to write a new blog after this! =) oh the suspense! i am listening to my other love's cd. josh groban. i just can't explain how his music just moves me. i wish i could be as famous as he is, just singing songs and having people enjoy them. well, i guess i will end this mosh posh and start the other will. *sigh*

did you miss me?

2006-11-07T18:21:00.000-07:00

i'm back and married! woowho! and so happy! i was thrilled to see everyone and i was glad that curtain players hung out to the end to keep me company as my new husband had to run home to get the check book to pay the dj. good times. good times! the wedding, i thought, was beautiful and wonderful, and besides a few giggles from me (don't ask, i would give anything to not do that again) the ceremony was everything i hoped it would be. short, sweet, simple, loving, beautiful. my girls were awesome at keeping me calm, for they could tell when my mom was bothering me. and they looked so beautiful! i have no idea how i looked. and my brother looked very handsome. i was quite glad to have him give me away. it was very moving for me. and when we made it to the stairs to the alter, he held my hand until he had to give me away. i love him so. and then i finally got to see my husband to be! and man did he look good! i think i fell in love with him all over again! it was the most beautiful thing i have ever done! and i was glad my closest friends were there to enjoy it with me! and the the party started! i wish i could've spent more time with everyone, but alas, it was impossible. how i miss everyone though! when i'm there with them, it's like i never left. those are true friends to make someone feel that way! i miss you guys terribly! so there's not a whole lot to tell about the honeymoon. it was beautiful in north carolina with the trees changing. my new husband got the flu early monday morning, so that was an exciting start. but he slowly recovered and we slowly did things. saw my new house! ok, not really, but i would love to have it. 250+ rooms, 45 bathrooms, 8,000 acres, winery on site. we of course had to buy some. got to taste some too! definely more a white and rose wine kind of girl! it was awesome! then we came home and started our life as husband and wife. it's like dating all over again! i love it! i'm sure that will fizzle a little, but i know i will never stop loving him. i have officially changed my name and have the SS card and driver's license to prove it! ah, i would totally do it all over agian, and not laugh in the middle of the ceremony. at least i made it memorable for everyone. 30 years from now they are still going to talk about it. i just know it. un amore per sempre!

snowflakes

2006-10-17T18:01:00.000-07:00

it is snowing for the first time at our house. it is so pretty. sticking to the leaves, and grass. we have tall grass stalks too, and it looks so pretty on that. it started about 11 this morning, and i got to watch it almost all day, since i have a window by my desk. it's so pretty! thank goodness it didn't stick to the roads! however, i ended up taking mostly side roads home because people can't drive on the highway in it. i was behind this car that kept tapping his breaks and the closest car in front of him was half a mile away. and the roads are only wet. it drove me nuts. i was still going faster than most cars on the highway, when i got onto the service road that is next to it. crazy. by the time i got home, it was a gentle snowfall, and i just wanted to sit outback and drink hot cocoa and cuddle with kelly. not going to happen, since we don't have anything to sit on, but it's a goal! so pretty! and it will quit snowing by the time our flight leaves, so i'm not too worried! i love snow. it's so happy. the mountains are supposed to get a couple feet, where we are only to get a couple inches, but it sure is pretty! as long as it's clear for work tomorrow too, i'll be fine. well, i'm off to make my soon to be husband (4 days, if you are counting) dinner. he wants beagle bites. we eat so well here. happy snow!

Colorado Sunsets

2006-10-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

as the sun moves closer to the mountains, the clouds start to disappear. the mountains turn into silhouettes. each row is marked by a dark line, if that line can be seen. there's a slight haze around them, giving the mountains a seamless look. where does one mountain top end and the other begin? they go from rocks and trees, to solid and fog. from browns and greens, to different shades of dark blue. it's amazing what a little sun can do. as the sun approaches the other side of the mountains, the sky turns orange and purple. the mountains grow darker, almost dark purple themselves. the fog is thinner, but there is still something there. blocking any sort of realization of the mountains. even the snowtops become nothing but shadows from the sun. Mt Meeker stands alone. standing tall above all other peaks. dark like night. should a cloud dare to show itself, the sun rays shine around it, giving an even more unreal look. an airbrushed canvas of nature. a picture that changes as the earth moves, relocating the setting sun's destination behind the dark silhouette lines of the mountains. every day, a new picture, every day a new smile.

crazy dream!

2006-10-09T17:40:00.000-07:00

so it was not a good dream. and it is very vivid in my mind. i just have to get it out somewhere. it's crazy, and i don't know why i drempt the things i drempt, but i'm not eating animal crackers anymore before i go to bed!

THE DREAM:
so, the beginning is slightly foggy, but, i am with a friend, don't know the friend in real life. we are at a party or a bar or something drinking. well, we are both trying to get Brad Pitt (don't ask, he wouldn't be my first pick, but not complaining) and this other actor (don't know who) to ask us out. well. the unknown actor disapears. Brad Pitt takes my friend home. next thing i know, i am in the basement of my first house in ohio. the house i grew up. there are these two guys that come down and i try to fight them off, and this other guy comes from behind me and grabs me and i can't get loose. (this is where it gets creapy, almost don't want to type out creapy) they end up tieing my arms together and hang me from the ceiling. then tie my ankles on other sides of the room if you know what i mean. they tear off my clothes (see creapy) and start raping me and biting me and it was ugly. still very vivid. then Brad Pitt (my hero) comes down the stairs and he knocks the guys out, cuts me down, wraps me in a sheet and sits me against the wall so he can tie up the other guys. i am completely weak from this ordeal. so when he is done, he comes over to my side and i ask him why he came back. he said that i was normal. the other girl just wanted to be with the name. i wanted to know the person. so i was second choice. but he did come back for me and saved me. so now the dream gets a little better. =) he calls the police and they want a statement from me and he told them that i was to dramitized by it at the moment and i will give a statement later. i wanted to be out of there before they came. i had no place to go (even though that was my real house, it must not have been in the dream and i was visiting someplace and didn't really have a place called home. messed up!) so he picks me up and takes me to his place in a very nice sports car. we talked for a little bit, but i eventually fell asleep, in the dream, and he calls someone and gets the best doctor to come to his house to look at me. so he carries me to a room and i am still asleep. oh and heres a kinda funny. since the stangers ruined my underwear, he had the person he was talking to get me some. so he puts one of his t-shirts on me (who wouldn't want one of those!) and waits outside the room, very concerned, while the dr examines me, while i sleep. he just sits in this chair across from the door with his elbows on his knees and his hands fisted by his mouth just staring at the door. she comes out (he got a female dr, how sweet!) and she tells him that i need to stay in bed for a couple days to regain my strength and a nurse will be by every day to change the dressings on my wrists and ankles. the ropes did a number on them i guess. she would be back in a couple days to check up on me. so she leaves and he comes in and sits in a chair next to the bed and does the same sitting formation as outside the door. and he watches me sleep. i'm sure he moved throughout the night. he kept dismissing his butler or whatever he was. he wanted to stay there the whole night in case i woke up and freaked out. so throughout the night i constantly sit up, make sure i have all my clothes on, and lay back down, in my sleep. finally the next morning comes and i do this one more time and actually wake up from it. i was facing away from him, sat up, laid on my back and tried to figure out where i was. i had a confused look on my face so he knew i was awake and he said good morning. oh, and just a sidenote, he's not with jolie. they broke up. how ironic. so anyway, i roll over and see him sitting there with a concerned look on his face. he told me about how i had nightmares all night, and that the dr came and what was going on with all that. i just stare at him this whole time and then ask him when he was done talking, if he had been there all night. he told me yes. i asked him some other questions that i don't remember, but i remember he told me that he respected me and that i have nothing to worry about. he wasn't going to hurt me. but i knew he wouldn't. i somehow trusted him. and i told him that was good or i would've told every tabloid about it. he kinda smiled and snickered at it. then i just stared out to nothing, suddenly gripped the sheets and started balling. the whole event had caught up to me. he wasn't sure what to do, but he came over next to the bed and started stoking my hair. he was afraid to touch me, even on the shoulder. he didn't know who i would react to that. so he just comforted me the best he could and told me i will be ok, and that i am a strong person, and those guys will never be able to do that again, and that he was sorry it happened to me. then he just let me cry, still stroking my hair. then i slowed down on the crying and he asked if i wanted breakfast, so he had someone make me breakfast. he didn't want to leave my side. then i just remember being very quiet for a while, and him still being concerned for me. then i woke up. really woke up.

so that was the dream. told you it was vivid still in my mind! and i drempt it a couple days ago! it's like what every girl wants (except for the rape part) from a guy. which i know i have in my fiance, i just hope we never have to deal with that. so yeah. still freaked out about the whole dream thing. haven't told my fiance about it. i usually don't tell him about my wierd dreams. i keep them to myself or blog it. i like to think that we lived happily ever after and that he quit smoking and doing drugs and stuff and never cheated on me. hehe! it's all a dream though and i will probably never meet him, and i will be married, and he couldn't pay me enough to leave my husband. he's my "Brad Pitt". =)

be sick or not to be sick...

2006-10-08T08:38:00.000-07:00

(meant to post this a couple days ago. oops!)
that is the question. so i'm glad that i got my cold before the wedding.but it really sucks to be sick! now it's mostly draining into my chest, so i have really annoying coughs, and i will spare you the details. yesterday was my first working day at my seasonal job. it was so dry there ( i was mostly in the back) and i was coughing and talking, that i now barely have a voice! wouldn't that have been fun during the ceremony. the priest asking me three times if "I DO" because he wouldn't be able to hear me. or i do everything on a dry erase board. that would be fun! and take a very long time! but it is all good because i have two weeks and it will be gone by then! yeay! two weeks! it's all sort of surreal still! i so can't wait! my mom is totally stressed out, although she's trying not to let me know that i think. i thought i was supposed to be that! oh well. she's just SO organized that she feels she has to get everything organized and then organized again, that she doesn't think she will have time. she's so silly. it's quite funny when people ask if we are nervous. why on earth would we be nervous? i never understood that question. if you are nervous, then you shouldn't be getting married. i think i am going to be driving my co-workers crazy these next couple weeks! hehe. i just can't wait to go away too. ok, so i kinda strayed from the title, but come on! i am two weeks away from marrying the man of my dreams. 7 years we've been together. it's time! yeay!!!!!!!

sniffle

2006-10-04T19:18:00.000-07:00

yep, that's right. i have a cold. a fun annoying cold! my nose is raw and it's only been one day! like most of my colds, i get the sore throat for a couple days. that started sat night. then i was all pressurized inside my sinus' monday and tues. then last night, the waterfall of snot started! i didn't have any drugs so i was blowing my nose every 5 - 10 minutes! i lie not! then i got the miracle drug! mucinex! i'm still slightly stuffy, but i now blow my nose once an hour or so! and all my pressure is gone! and they last 12 hours! i wouldn't say i'm in heaven now, but i'm on my way! and i must say i am SO glad it hit now. i was so afraid i would have a cold for the wedding! i have two weeks to kill it! at least to get it out of the head! otherwise the plane rides are going to suck! oh, and i figured the other day to work that i will be on six planes in the course of a week and a half! we have layovers on all flights! it really sucks, but it was the cheapest way we could get the flights! and i don't even know if we will be able to sit together! we will find out though! anyway, yeah, have a cold. everyone at work is really nice at reminding me that i am sick. " oh i need to stay away from you, blah blah blah". i hate it when people are like that. because i don't feel well as it is, let's add some more to it! i could stay home, but 1 i'm not that sick, and 2 i would just work on my wedding stuff! i would get no rest! i hope to sleep well tonight! i woke up last night at 4:30 and was awake for an hour and a half. i finally fell asleep to be woken in 15 minutes by my alarm! it really sucked! i haven't felt the sleepiness yet, but i'm sure it will hit soon! oh, and for those who are concerned, i do not live by where the shooting was. and that just needs a whole new blog! oh, so pissed about those. anyway, i shall go now. printing my programs! they will be done this weekend! i can't believe it's almost here! i'm so excited! now i just need to rid the cold! blach! see you soon!

big yellow ball

2006-09-29T17:54:00.000-07:00

yes, that's right. i just said big, yellow, and ball. what is this you might ask? well, duh! a big yellow ball! ok, it's an exercise ball before they were big. it rocks! i haven't lived with it in years because i just didn't have room in my apartment for it. and we didn't move with it, and i didn't know my fiance's parents were bringing a small u-haul when we moved to the house. so my mom, being the cool person she is, knows that i miss it and shipped it to me! i've had it for about a month now. my fiance was not happy to see it. he just doesn't understand. so he banned it to the basement where all the other weights are that we don't use. so i got it and now use it as my chair for the computer! i don't know what he thinks of it, but i do see him sitting on it. even just sitting here i can work muscles i forgot i had! i LOVE it! i can bounce, and roll, and tilt, and that sound's very kinky. however, i love it and have been so happy to have it back in my life! and since we are a higher altitute, it doesn't need new air, whereas in ohio it was getting a little flat! it rocks! this could be why my lower back hurts as well. that's ok. my muscles down there will get better and it will be all good! bouncey bouncey bouncey. hehe! it's like being a kid again! and it's great for balance. i like to sit indian style (not recommended unless you have something close to grab real quick) and trying to balance that way. not too good at it yet. but i will get there! and i'll get my core all going and stuff! hehe! i just thought i would share my small pleasure with my big yellow ball!
and to update you from my crappy day, it was just a crappy week, and now it is the weekend and hopefully next week will be a little calmer. i hate being a new person and not remembering things. anyway, happy weekend! hoping we will take a bike ride through the mountains and take pictures of the changing leaves! have to buy a new disposable since we can't get a digital yet and we never got around to registering one. it will be all good though. i'll get one soon. just the right one for taking perfect outdoor pictures. and one that will capture the beautiful sunsets behind the mountains. yeah, the beaches are nice, but they just don't shoot the rays the same way mountains do. maybe someday i'll describe such a beautiful sunset. 22 days!

day for staying home

2006-09-27T12:27:00.000-07:00

today is one of those days that i should've stayed home. i am having a really crappy day at work. i've found way too many errors for my comfort. which isn't much. i decided to take a lunch break now. yeah, little late, but i'm really not supposed to not take a lunch or leave early. besides, i start my seasonal job tonight and with the mood i'm in, i'll have to shop to kill the time. not good. so i thought i would vent in my blog. blog blog blog. i would rather be anywhere else than right here right now. and i don't want to leave, because i might not come back. i must resist looking at my work email. i don't need any more problems. good thing i sit in the back. easier to cry and not have anyone see me. it's just one of those days. and i'm homesick again. this really sucks! at least my boss here is a little more understanding on screwing up than my old one. she at least understands that it happens and it will be ok. although i don't feel ok. i'm not even in the mood to eat my sandwich. i had half a breakfast burrito. that was a waste. it wasn't very good. should've gotten syrup. had two pepsis. again, isn't good cause i won't fit in my dress. i should've stayed home. but then, someone else would have to figure out my problems, and then i would have to hear about it when i got back, and i would feel even more bad that they had to deal with it. i just wouldn't win. i should've known it was going to be a bad day when i drempt about my old boss. AAAAHHHHH!!! nothing good comes when she is around. sigh. tomorrow is another day. hopefully better!

new blog look!

2006-09-25T18:24:00.000-07:00

so do you like? i like. no, the picture is not me. thank you sony and johng for the links off your blog. little did you know huh! now i just have to play a little more when i find time in the insane world i decided to make right now. but for now, this will work! i'm quite proud of myself that i could figure out where to put them. may be simple to most people, but this is not my forte, that's music. not computers. anyway, new look, new me! like how my future name is already up? i just had to! i even got a stamp at work that has my new initial on it so they wouldn't have to get a new one. i'm going to try to get rid of my last name as much as possible! ok, totally changed the subject. let me know what you think! i know it's dark, but it's fun! all the words are bright! like my personality! boy am i moody! one blog i'm all homesick, next blog i'm all happy! still homesick, but i know i will see a lot of my friends in 25 days, 19 hours and 7 minutes! but who's counting. really! love ya! big kisses!

am i insane?

2006-09-25T17:57:00.000-07:00

am i really? am i trying to see how much i can jam in one month? so i got a part time job. actually it's seasonal. but if i like and if they like me, it could stay after the holidays. that is going to be at least a couple days a week. i would like to get 20 hours in. my personal business is finally on a role. i have two parties in the next couple weeks. and some where in all that i have to find a time to finish the programs (which you are going to love!) finish the place cards as the rsvps come in, meet with the priest one more time here, and i don' t even know what else i have to do! i don't have much left to do for the wedding, but it's all running around inside my head. so dizzy! so, let's take a trip down insanity lane of this past year. let's see. got engaged. moved across country in less than a month from that. plan a wedding, job search. find a terrible job, continue job searching, house searching. find house, still looking for new job. find new job, move into house. get stampin up going. start new part time job, get married. go on honeymoon. still happy in job and house and with fiance - which is a good thing! and that leaves two months to convince my mom to come out here for christmas. oh, so that would mean that we would have to still christmas shop, stay in part-time job and do shows. WHEW! are you tired? me too! i'm going to be so bored next year! i know what i'll do! THEATRE! yeay! oh, and by the way:
GO BUCKS!

Home-sick

2006-09-19T17:14:00.000-07:00

yeay ohio! i know not a lot of people like ohio. even ohioans! but for some reason i do. maybe because it's home. no matter where i live, it will always be home. even in my family moves out of state, it will still be home. even when all my friends there forget about me and we all move on different ways, it will still be home. yep. pretty homesick lately. and some people who said they will be at my wedding, aren't coming. it's like the only time they are going to see me! might be the last time some people will see me! kinda hurts. by the way Mr. Sony, JohnG beat you on the RSVP as well as my comments! are you getting yours in? you better! don't make me have to add you to my hitlist! sorry, digress. i feel really bad that my one friend was not invited because someone doesn't like him and want him at the wedding. and both his roommates are invited. i really hate doing that. and i just miss my friends while they are still friends! i miss going to theatre shows to support them. i miss going out afterwards till all hours of the night with them. i miss my friend's parties. i miss going to chick flicks. i miss girls' night. i miss the trees. i miss max and ermas. i just want everyone and everything to move out here! the odds of that are slim to none i know. i miss my friends babies. i haven't even seen one yet! i know i'll make friends out here. and i'll have a new set of theatre peopel. and yes, i do have some friends, but they just aren't the same. and my fiance isn' t making much effort in finding someone to hang out with. not that i mind him home with me, i just wish he would find someone to go see guy movies with and stuff! i'll see some, but i'm sure it's not the same. just like him seeing a girly movie! anyway, just lonely and homesick. 30 more days and i'll be home but i won't get to see many people. hang out like i used to. i guess it's just part of life.

blog blog blog

2006-08-31T17:47:00.000-07:00

i was checking out my blog today, and i noticed something. it is very boring! i don't have links, i don't have my friends blogs on, i don't have a profile... it's just boring! i guess it's good that not a lot of people (from what i assume) view it. yeah, some of my blogs may be entertaining in some way or another, but really? just boring. and i'm too stupid (computerwise) to figure out how to change things, or how to add things, or whatever. i don't want to post my picture. i don't want to post "my life" in a profile. i just don't think people need to know what i look like or what my life was like, or what i do for a living, or my interests. i don't know. it just seems to be one of those days. actually, i've kinda been in a slump all week! yeah, my wedding may be 50 days, 19 hours and 51 minutes away, and i should be excited about that. i am, i'm just having the slumps. and i've quit working out. i should've transfered when i was there, but i didn't. i said i'll wait till the end of the month. they are having this bingo thing and i just wanted to win something, however, it's 15 minutes the opposite way from my house when i get off the highway. i was going to go today, but there was an accident. so now that i have not gone, and have been having ice cream every day, my belly is not of it's best figure! and i can't get big there or i will not fit in the dress! this is most of my slump. i can't diet. it just doesn't work for me. i don't like the things you are supposed to eat. i just don't. and i'm not going to suffer just to lose weight. then i will binge and get a big belly again. and don't even get me started on my arms. i'm going to be flying down the aisle (and if you two say anything at the wedding, don't think i won't hit you at the church!). i'm just miserable. i just don't even want to eat. yeah, i know that will do a lot of good too! and now at my new job we aren't supposed to work overtime. so i get home before 5. my fiance still gets home so much later. i'm just so bored! i want to do theatre, but who is going to cast someone who is going to miss a week and a half of rehearsals a week before opening? no one. unless i was that good they just had to. but i'm not. don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good things going on right now. just this week, blah. i haven't even signed up for benefits! what's wrong with me? well, i shall continue my slump and won't slump anymore on you. *sigh*

it's getting closer!!!!

2006-08-27T13:00:00.000-07:00

HEHE! getting excited! the wedding is less than two months away! we are getting rsvps (have you turned yours in yet? didn't think so!) i just ordered my fiance's ring! what do you think?

yeah, i like it too. i hope he likes it! i know he will like it. and if he wants a different one, then we can get a different one down the road. after i pay this one off. i'm so excited! i have mentioned that yet? yeah, i'm probably going to drive you guys crazy over the next couple months! oh, and if you are wondering the outcome of the "in-laws" the uncles are being invited. much to my dismay. we hadn't talked about it, and they called while we were in a store and he told them right then that we just had to find the stuff again to make the invitations, and had them send us the addresses. boy did he get a look from me! then when he got off the phone, he told me it was all politics. we didn't really have a choice, even though she said we did. not too happy about this! so they better hope they don't really come, or if they do that there is enough room. otherwise, we are putting them at their table and it will be crowded! so that is all the drama that is going on and hopefully that will be it! my mom finished my dress! she's so awesome! we have our program set up for the most part! just one page to figure out! i'm going to work on the cover today and see if we can get it how we want from a printing place. we won't be able to do it on ours. and we will be making those, so that is the last thing i have to make until i go home! =) which will be thursday for those who are wondering, but probably won't be able to see you until the wedding! man i miss everyone! that is going to be the one downfall for the wedding. i won't be able to really spend lots of time with everyone! but i will be married to the most wonderful man that can ever exist! i'm sure everyone says that about their other serious half! but to them it is true! he is the most wonderful man for me! he's not meant for anyone else! =) and he's going to look so good! i'm just going to want to eat him up right away! we have to take these "classes" with the church (not as bad as catholic) and the priest has said every time he can tell we are truly in love. that we really love each other. i'm sure they get couples that they aren't sure are going to make it or not, but i guess it's pretty obvious with us. i mean i do love him very much (i'm really just marrying him for his last name - hehe) as he does me, but i guess it still shows after 7 years when we are around people. we don't notice, but i guess there is something there that we don't see. anyway, now that i've gotten all mushy i guess that's all that i really have to say right now! except i'm so excited!!!!!!! can't wait to see you (you know who you are!!!) yeay!

accidents

2006-08-16T17:08:00.000-07:00

no i wasn't in an accident, but there was one on the way home from work today. and let me just tell you. if the accident is on the other side of the median by like 100 yards you don't need to slow down! there is a barrier there to avoid the accident from coming over to the other side!
so i'm driving home from work today. the exit before mine starts to back up. i think nothing of it since it merges to two lanes, and then there are cars coming on the highway after the bridge. usually it then breaks up. not today! i always seem to hit thicker traffic there and every day, i wonder why i didn't get off the exit before and take the service road home. oh yeah, cause the highway is 75 and the service road is 55. except when there is an accident on the OTHER SIDE! come on people! don't you know you are backing up traffic when you slow down to look? do you really think the people on the other side want you to look at their stupidity (if they caused the accident) or thier frustrations of a broken car? respect the accident people! they don't stop and stare at you! now i can understand if the accident and the traffic is on the same side. just to make sure no one gets hurt. i've learned to be patient with those. but when it is on the other side? have i mentioned that bothers me? just checking. that's all i have to say today. just venting about that. i've done a few vents on here! maybe soon i will have a happy one! not that i'm not happy, just have things to vent on.
countdown to wedding: 65 days, 20 hours, 18 minutes. but who's counting. =)

all on the in-laws

2006-08-15T19:31:00.000-07:00

let me just say, i am so frustrated right now with my fiance's mom, it isn't even funny. first off, i didn't want kids at the wedding. except my flowergirl, since she's in the wedding. well, we now have an 18th month old coming... ok, i need to start from the top...
we had our wedding list ready to go. we had all the invitations made. all envelopes were addressed. we were just waiting till it got closer to send them out. (they've been ready since march). i told my fiance they are done and we aren't inviting anyone else. well, then his mom kinda guilts us into inviting her three sisters in which she is close to, i've NEVER met, and i don't even know how often they have seen my fiance, but it's not much. seeing as one lives in hawaii, one lives in NC and one lives far into PA. SO i have to make more invites. not that i minded, but i thought we were done. i had my fiance get the names of everyone from each family. knowing they had kids, but i thought they were all teens. when his parents came out to help us move, she asked if there were going to be any babies, and who was going to watch them. i said there might be one, but either the husband or my friend's mom will watch her. this is when i find out there is a baby with one of her sisters. i was not planning on finding a sitter. i believe it was concluded that if they wanted a sitter, she will have to arrange it. after all, she's the one that wanted us to invite them! so, again, i thought this was the end of that. i was wrong...
we get an email today saying that one of the sisters asked a brother or two if they were coming to the wedding. well, they said they didn't get an invite. so now she wants to know if we can send invites to the three brothers (unfortunately he has a HUGE family from aunts and uncles to siblings) even though she doesn't think they will come. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGJHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
here's the problem with that. 1. we have limited space on the stage. there are certain friends that were not invited because of limited space. i would rather have friends at my wedding then aunts and uncles that only come around once in a blue moon! i don't even think they know waht he looks like except through pictures! so by inviting them, we are taking a risk of them coming and not having any room on the stage. like i said, would rather have friends there. 2. i have to make MORE invitations!
now i am trying to be the cool bride, and not have any drama, and i was doing good! i thought my family would be the ones with all the dramas. nope, it would be his mother. i don't know what to do! i don't want to make more invites for one, i just don't want to make them, and second, what if they all do decide to come? huh? then what? everyone must sit on other laps? i have a slight safety net where i know my two cousins aren't coming (no surprise to me) and i know that i have two friends who are involved with a show that night, that won't be able to make it. so that frees up 8 seats, but again, with the whole invite a certain % more than what it will seat thing still has me a little freaked out. i know that if i don't invite them, she will still somehow get it in a conversation and make me feel guilty.
OH! and if her sisters come in in time, she wants them to come to the rehearsal dinner! ok, now on this, she's paying for the dinner, so as long as those that are involved in the wedding are accounted for, it's not as big a deal, except that i only wanted those who were involved in the wedding to be at the rehearsal. it never ends! i don't know what to do! i know that if i argue anything or deny anything, that she will still somehow, without knowing it, or knowing it, make me feel like shit! she's good like that. and she's good at making me feel stupid sometimes too. now i love her to death (but not as much as my mom) but there are just some things, i just can't handle! anyway, i think i have vented enough for one night. i am trying not to talk about the wedding much, but really! this needed to be vented. i'm sure everything will work out, and i will be so engrossed at being a newly wed and partying that i will forget all this drama. but for now, it's drama. ARG!

sanity is great!

2006-08-09T21:54:00.000-07:00

i talked to the girl that took over payroll at my old job today. she finally learned about how crazy my old boss was. found out a few things that she has said not only about me, but about some of my friends there to people who hadn't even met us yet. not too happy about that. a long letter was written to HR from my coworker about what is going on with the boss. and i can just tell you, i am in a much happier place! so far, even though it's only been a week and a day, i really like my new boss. i like my job, i like the coworkers, i like the company, and i like that the days go by pretty quick! it's great! it's like the old job was a nightmare that i got to keep the friends when i woke up. but i still have the afterthoughts. i'm not there anymore though, and it is for the better! i'm sure i will have my days at the new job, but it will help a lot more in paying the bills. only problem is it's biweekly, so i won't be getting a check for a couple weeks. have to watch myself these next two weeks so i can make sure i can help pay the morgage! what also isn't helping is that my loan consolidation hasn't gone through yet. there was some confusion on thier part so i have to pay full amount on my loans one more month. and with the wedding coming around the corner (yeay!) i really could've used that one extra month. anywho, for those that have asked and are wondering, i love my new job! i think i will be staying there for a while! there is another girl there that has almost the same personality as me. could get interesting! oh, and for those who are eager, the invites are going out next week, so watch your mail! i made them myself. i'm so proud. =) talk soon!

I still got it!

2006-08-07T20:53:00.000-07:00

i could tell you all about my new house, again. but this is a much more exciting story...

i was in one of my favorite stores today looking for some things for my new house =) i was winding in and out of some of the aisles when i noticed this kid was in the same sections i was. i thought it ironic more than anything and wondered if he would come around the next aisle. as i am standing there looking at cork/dry erase boards, i noticed he did not take the turn with me. just as i finished the thought he comes right around the corner and says "excuse me, i think you are pretty cute and was wondering if you would go out on a date with me."
before i go on, let me draw you a picture ( i guess it's more write). i am almost 30. not a fun age. at this point i am feeling fat and old. i know i'm not fat, but it's a girl thing. this morning i actually styled my hair and put on make-up. was in a short skirt (to the knees boys) and a fitting shirt. HE on the other hand was MAYBE 16. glasses, short, scrawny, boyish! no offense should you happen to cross this blog.
i go on...
i was totally taken back by what was just said to me. i giggled and smiled and told him i was sorry but i was engaged. he was slightly disappointed, and i told him that was was totally flattered by him asking me. he said then said " well, i just think you are really hot (FLATTERED!) and thought i would ask you out." i appoligized again and he asked for a hug. this is the best part. i told him sure, and gave him a hug. when he let go and said thanks his cheeks were beat red! it was so cute!
so yes, i was just thought of still being in high school, and hot! which i never got in high school. if the kid only knew i was at least 12 years older than him! i just couldn't break his little heart more than it already was. and i give him credit! that took guts to ask out a hot "girl"! i couldn't do that to a guy! it made my night. made me feel young and skinny (and hot) again.
and about the house, moved in last monday, inlaws were here, they are finally gone, half unpacked, lots of empty space, awesome views of the mountains and summer storms. smells like farm poop. but we love it!

perfect timing

2006-07-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

Today is a good day. actually, today is a great day! i am getting a new job! saturday, i am going to go through some one on one training with my new boss. and i am getting a substantial pay increase! let's just say i am going to make over $5 more an hour! oh yeah! way higher than i thought i would ever get! but i am not going to complain at all! and i can wear jeans any day that i want! how awesome is that! and t-shirts (without print) whenever i want! and sandals, and and, i can come in any time before 8:30 as long as i work 8 hours. and and the environment is going to be awesome. i already really like my new boss. i am so excited! still waiting on the offer letter, but i will be getting that this week! and she is letting me have the 31st off so i can move into our new house! now we can get cable! big deal for us! we now don't have to stress as much about financials! it is a good day. my fiance is very proud of me. i think i am still shocked! even getting the house is still surreal! probably even after we are already living there! and i am working the new totally awesome job! oh yeah! so excited! things are finally starting to turn around for me since being out here! i can't wait to tell my old boss that friday will be my last day! i don't have to work for crazywoman anymore! no more nausous stomachs, dreading going in, stressing over sneezing wrong! oh yeah. did i mention today is a great day? just checking!

TP on the roll!

2006-07-22T06:39:00.000-07:00

alright boys. i'm putting the question out there that every woman wants to know. why is it SO hard to put a new roll of toilet paper on the roll? it's right there, you are just sitting there anyway, not going anywhere till you need it. why not make it easier on yourself! here's how you change it.

1. there is a tube that holds the toilet paper. it's spring loaded. push in one end. this should free the tube from the holder. pull towards you.

2. take the empty cardboard roll off the tube and put it in the trash. the trash should be conveniently located next to the toilet, for such an occasion.

3. take the new roll of toilet paper (you will find this wherever your TP is stored. varies per household) and slide the tube through the hole in the middle.

4. put one end of the tube into the holder.

5. push in the tube just enough to fit into the hole on the other side of the holder and release. this should pop it right in.

there! 5 quick easy steps on how to change the TP! what else are you doing just sitting there besides pooping and stinking up the place? so what provoked me to write such a blog? i got up to go to the bathroom, and my fiance had taken a roll out and placed it on the counter. NOT on the roll. HELLO!! right there! really? is it really that hard? come on now boys! my friend's husband does this as well, so i know it's not just my fiance. and the way boys are, i'm sure 99% of you do this as well! really. it won't hurt you. i promise!

tides of change

2006-07-22T05:47:00.000-07:00

boy do i have a rollercoaster of a life right now! hopefully the ride will be ending soon, and i can get off. so yesterday, my cell phone was non stop at work. i obviously didn't answer any of them. don't need to piss the boss off. so i would check my messages when i could. the first call was from a job that i had interviewed with about a month ago. they gave the job to someone who had a lot more experience in their pay system (i had none). i found this out yesterday too. however, something came open and to give them a call if i was still interested. so at lunch i called and left HR a message. then after lunch, the payroll manager called and wanted to talk to me when i could. then my boss needed me to go to the post office. it's close enough to walk to, far enough to take a while. and it was so hot! anyway, so i took advantage of being away from any co-worker and called as i went to the post office! and she told me that there have been some changes in the dept and some people are not able to handle the extra workload, and so something has come open if i was still interested. this place is awesome to work for, so i of course said yes i was. we talked a little more, and i will be making at least $2 more than i am now an hour. she still had to talk to HR and see what they could do, and hopefully get an offer letter out that day so i can start pretty soon! oh yeah, and i was her second pick for the first job, which is why she gave me a call for this job. i am so excited. not that i want to keep doing payroll, but i will have a more secure job, full time, more money, benefits out the wazoo if i want them, cafeteria, better environment, oh the list could go on. then later that afternoon, i got a call from the place that wanted to hire me temp with potential to hire if i could step up to the plate. well, she wanted to let me know that the person she needed to talk to was at a seminar which she forgot, and will talk to her on monday. so i should hear something monday. pretty cool that i will have two job offers. but i am going with the full time one. i need to wait till i have the letter though before i tell the other place i got a new job. i can't wait to get out of the hotel. and what is even better is my boss here thinks that with my experience, i won't get more than what i am making now anywhere. HA! showed her! she's good at busting your ego and making hers HUGE! anywho, so i hope this tide is flowing in the right direction and doesn't take another turn. i can't handle any more of it! YEAY!!!!!!!!

sigh

2006-07-20T18:25:00.000-07:00

yes, this is two in one day. if i wrote about aspen and my life on one blog, i would probably crash the computer. so my fiance was very mad at me for not telling him about losing my job. it took about three days for him to finally talk to me. yeah, that was fun. slept in the other bedroom two nights. then we saw pirates and it was all good. as good as it could get i guess. we are still getting the house. i am still at the hotel, unfortunately. i am so miserable there. she asked if i could stay a little longer. make up your mind woman! see, the AR guy quit and so there was just her, if i left. so i stayed on a week to week basis. then two weeks ago, there were two temps that i had to train. yes, the whole accounting dept was temps. not going to go there. the one that was supposed to do payroll was so slow at picking up at things that it really frustrated me. although i shouldn't care if she gets it or not. won't be my problem. but i'm not like that. so she lasted a week. she then didn't come in on monday, and apparently got a job that started monday. i don't know how much of it i believe. she didn't want to work there i don't think. so monday i had to train the girl who was learning AP. oye. she picked up on it though very quickly. and now they are going to hire her full time. i want to tell her don't do it, but she needs to learn for herself. she's even taking a paycut. not the best move. so i am still there. i talked to the woman from the other company today, and i really hope they decide to hire me on. it will be more pay, more my style, more sane! i won't have crazy woman as my boss! and i don't think this other woman will be like that. i hope not. i don't think i can go through that again! although i have felt much better since i'm going to be leaving anytime now. my boss isn't so hard on me becuase she knows she needs me and all she has to do is piss me off again, and i'm out of there! that, and i'm just helping her clean up some stuff, so i don't really do payroll anymore. just train! although the AP girl is going on vacation fri-tues so i will probably have to do payroll. i'm hoping i will get a call tomorrow saying they would like me to start monday, and then i just won't go in anymore! i've been debating if i should tell her or just not come in. we'll see though. think happy thoughts for me! i need to give my fiance some lovin' (aka, cuddle on the couch) before we go for a walk. we like to watch so you think you can dance. and i just sigh and wish i was that skinny and could dance like that. OH! and i broke my cell phone. the spring. so now i have to force it open. so i will eventually be getting a new phone, and probably change to a CO # so beware my friends! miss you!

Aspen

2006-07-20T17:56:00.000-07:00

last weekend i went to aspen to enjoy my birthday present from my mom. to go see my favorite opera in Aspen at their music school. it was pretty good. the singing was awesome, but the acting and blocking were not a favorite. i saw many backs of actors who were not singing, and they were blocking those that were singing upstage. yeah. the one thing that bothered me the most was the guy that played the lead male's dad. the lead looked older than this guy. they didn't do so well on the age thing. but his singing was very good. the only one that really impressed me was the male lead. he was excellent all around! we stayed in snowmass, which was 20 minutes from aspen. we were right next to the ski hill! obviously we didn't go skiing. but there was still snow patches! aspen is a really pretty town, but so very expensive. it was about 4 hours from us. i got burnt. yeah. see, my fiance wanted more power through the mountains, so we didn't have the air on. which was fine because it wasn't tooo hot in the mountains (denver 102 degrees, aspen 85) however, the sun was beating down on me. you can see where the seatbelt crossed my chest. yeah. anywho, it was a beautiful drive. went by vail. can't wait to ski there! passed lots of slopes! hopefully we will be able to go skiing this year! $$$ on our way home, we took independence pass, which is pretty much a scenic drive. talk about beauty! sorry, no camera this trip, but we will be back. we stopped at one of the pulloffs and climbed on these massive granite rocks by a creek (creek, river, who knows what it was) and the water was so clear! it was beautiful, rolling off the rocks, half expecting to see a bear come get a fish. the water was still cold, but felt good! and we even drank some! it was pretty good! i can't even explain it! then we drove on a little further and found a ghost town! no, not haunted, just abandoned. it's in this valley where it is constantly windy, and in the winter has major blizzards and brisk winds. according to the sign. it was during the late 1800's when everyone was mining for gold. there were about 500 people living there, 4 groceries, 3 bars, a hotel, a boarding home, there used to be a three story building along the hill, but we couldn't find it. most of the buildings were just holes in the ground. they rebuilt some homes, but mostly just fallen wood. there were still nails and glass and cans everywhere! the town was only there for about 30 years, till everyone started to move to aspen for the better climate. and you won't believe the name of the town. independence. hmmm... insperiation for the name of the road? so then, after walking around that, we went further up the road. and i mean up. we stopped at the outlook (AWESOME) and we were over 12,000 ft. it didn't effect us a whole lot since were were at 10,000 the whole weekend. anyway, it was a beautiful drive. aspen is beautiful, the opera as pretty good. it was just nice to get away for a little while. could live without the burn, but now i have a nice tan! =) have to look good in that wedding dress! =) that is my trip to aspen. i'm sure i will be back again, and this time i will take pictures! even if i have to get a disposable again! (blech)

dog house

2006-07-05T21:15:00.000-07:00

i am in the dog house. i told my fiance tonight about my last day of work being this friday. he told me after some silence that he will support me in my decision, and i told him, i just couldn't work for her anymore. he asked me if i heard from the other place, and i said no. and that was the last word he has said to me all night. now he is in the bedroom, and i just can't be in the same room as him. it just hurts too much. i think i will be sleeping in the extra room tonight. my choice. i'm sure eventually he will want me to come in, but i'm not going to. i have 15 days to find a new job. that's when they will do the employment check on us. i just don't know what to do. i really think i have this new job, i just don't have a start date. i hate that this is moving so slowly! it's not even a full time job. it's a temp to possibly hire if she gets her way job. i hate that we have to work to survive. i am so miserable right now. i've hurt my fiance. he probably wants to back out of the house, which hurts even more. i hate my job. i feel like a loser. i'm probably going to end up working in some retail store with a bunch of teens who will drive me crazy. and i won't even be making probably 8 an hour, which would mean i would have to get two jobs, and that might, might get me close to what i work now. i feel so low right now. so ... oh there's a word. i just can't think of it. but it's not a happy word. i'm almost 30 and i feel like i've gone no where with my life. except to colorado, and it even sucks here. the only thing holding me together is my fiance, but right now, i don't even have that! i am the worst person in the world.

red white and boom!

2006-07-03T17:19:00.000-07:00

so today is July 3rd. every year for the past 6 years i think, i have gone to red white and boom in columbus ohio. the best time to hang out with friends, soak up some sun, eat really bad food, and watch an amazing fireworks show. i would always take half a day off, get a good seat with either my love, or friend, or brother, and claim space for all the other friends who will join us later that evening. by the time the fireworks go off, we find our borders have fallen, people are on our stuff, the streets are PACKED, and an amazing show starts. then we walk through trash to get to our cars, and drive home satisfied, burnt, stuffed, tired. then the next day, we are off to find another fireworks show, which won't compare to columbus, but it's not as crowded and more calm. now that i am in colorado, we have no idea what to do. there's no really big river going through downtown denver. even though we have had some rain for about a week, longmont has canceled their fireworks about a month ago due to the dryness. all the really good places are far away, and unfortunately, they are tomorrow night which means we would get home really late and have to work the next day. what makes it worse, there are no close friends to hang out with while we wait for the show. it's events like these that really make me homesick. i've got to get into some theatre. i need some crazy theatre friends to hang out with! and a gay one so i can go dancing and get all grindy with him and it means nothing. won't see my fiance doing that! we might go into the mountains, which will be a whole new way to see fireworks. no one in columbus will know what that's like. it's just not the same. yeah, i'll be all cuddled up the man i love, and get kisses in the hair (which i LOVE by the way), but i don't have the other people dear to me there to share in the experience. anyway, i'm really bumbed today. homesick yet again. how i miss red white and boom. one more hour, and columbus will be celebrating. and i will be sitting on the couch watching some reality show, and eating ice cream.

it's official

2006-06-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

i could go on and on about how much i don't like my boss. but i would run out of room. so lets just say i have been struggling to keep a job till i find another and put up with the "harassment" as some people think she is doing to me. to make it short, i will tell you that she micromanages, questions me on EVERYTHING, and i feel like i have to defend myself all day. she expects perfection, and she's not going to get that from me. everything turns around to be about her. i don't even know what she tells me people say are true or if she is making it up so the focus comes on me because she's in trouble on something. i don't know. i had a coworker appoligize to me for my boss being so mean to me. now that is saying something. the most recent event has me without a job as of next friday. last weekend apperently she hurt her back. and not many people believe her. she knows it too and is all paranoid. anyway, she was out friday, monday and tues. she came in wed and called me in her office. apperently me and the other accountant made her look bad while she was out. and people are telling her things that i am saying to other people, not to her, about things that she does that bothers me. she was pretty pissed. anyway, to make a long story short, we mutually agreed next friday will be my last day. she tried to get it out of me what i have been saying about her, and i didn't say a thing. why? becuase i knew she would argue and argue on what i said, and i'm exhausted on arguing with her, when i know i will never be right. no matter what the subject is. oh, and the shoes i wore today REALLY make my feet stink! sorry, the smell is really bothering me. thought i'd share. anyway, she told me that if i'm not going to tell her than next friday will be my last day. (which is when i believe my contract ends anyway) so i said fine, got up and walked out of her office. being pissed off, my eyes would water. something that happens that apperently she thinks is for attention. WHOLE other story. anyway, so i was trying to block the leak. when i went in her office to tell her something, she tried to get it out of me agian, and we went through the whole thing again! what the hell! i didn't go in there to talk about it agian. i had to tell her something! i was emotionally and physically exhausted before lunch! i guess she was in and out of keeping me though because my friend in HR said she couldn't make up her mind. so i go in this morning and she askes if next friday is going to be my last day. i said yep. i just can't take it anymore! she already lost someone becuase of how she treats us. and what is really funny, is the AR guy is resigning wed, and it's his last day, becuase he got a job in chicago. she does almost the same thing to him. he can't wait to get out of there. and i think it is going to be awesome. yeah, i might not have a job, but i will be so much better mentally! we are already down two people, and two people are starting wed or thurs, and she has no idea he is leaving. it's going to be great. i wish i had the pleasure of coming in and saying it's my last day and then she's all alone. oh well.
there is a silver lining however. i have a temp job that could go full time if the person gets her way. we have been back and forth on the phone, and she has to talk to her boss, who happens to live in PA and the office got flooded. one time when i was talking to her, i asked her if it was really a go. she said yes, she just needs to get some details (probably pay) and a start date. i talked to her yesterday and told her i could start at any time (hoping to leave before next friday, but i don't think it will happen) and she said she probably won't call me till wed due to the flood in PA and her boss trying to make sense of things again out there. she hopes to talk to her wed and then get with me.
i haven't told my fiance what is going on with my current job. i don't want him to pull out of the house, when it is quite possible i will have a job agian shortly. i might tell him monday after work. i just don't want to screw things up with the house. i wish he would've said an earlier date, like a month ago, but i know why he said the date he did. you don't need those details. by the way jeremy, you could get a great story out of all the drama in my life right now. it is such a rollercoaster, it isn't even funny. oh, and our bird is probably going to die soon. he's only maybe 6. there is this really ugly growth by his beak, and we can't really afford to get it taken off. even though it is so tiny and so this the bird, it would still cost $5,000. i'm guessing. i just want to cut it off myself. but i won't. so as much as i hate to see him suffer, we really can't get it taken off. oh, and we aren't getting cable right away when we get the house. that's a bummer. still going to have the rabbit ears. i really need to quit typing so much. i just go on and on and on. and by the end, it doesn't even relate to what i started with. so i will make it end as it began. as of next friday, i will have my sanity back. it's official.

EWWWW....

2006-06-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so you see that? THAT would be 14 pieces of Bubble gum. And i'm not talking about your normal size gum. no, this was like bubba yum or something. The really sugary juicey kind till you've chewed it for 10 minutes. well, i didn't have 10 minutes per piece. THIS would be the result of my bachelorette party. My loving friend got this game and each person had a pack of gum. each different flavors. there was cotton candy, sour apple (which i made them change cause i could barely swollow), regular, watermelon, strawberry, and lemonade. THIS would be the result of getting 14 questions WRONG about my fiance out of 40. so each person had to ask me a question. and if i got it wrong, i had to put a piece in my mouth. i could barely swollow by the end. i looked like a chipmunk. they were very entertained. and then, when i tell my fiance the questions i got wrong, he said, oh that would've counted. HE WASN'T THERE TO JUDGE! so i was stuck eating the piece that i could've gotten right.
one question i got wrong, where was he born. i said Winsor which is where he grew up, but he was born in a hospital in Hartford. which is the answer he gave them, but winsor would've counted. (i find this out afterwards)
where was our first kiss? i said outside his house. he said in the family room. let me just tell you about this. he officially put his lips on mine outside his house, by my car. it was right before i had to go back to school, and a week after we started dating. the unofficial kiss, which i guess he counted, was when i gave him butterfly kisses. he was so shy to kiss me that i would give him butterfly kisses and he loved them. now this is sweet, yes, that he counts that as the first kiss, but it made me eat another piece of GUM!!!!
i don't even remember the other questions i got wrong. anyway, it is gross. if only you could see the other pictures. i don't want to crash the computer though. the rest of the night turned out much better. the only bad thing about the whole weekend was i didn't get to see my guys except one cause i stay at his house. he's kinda married to my friend who took me out. but i didn't get to see any of the other guys. MISS YOU! and i really miss hanging out with everyone. lets just say, i was fine until i got on the plane. then the waterworks came. once we got in the air, i was able to read my book (wicked, recommend!) but then when we landed and ported, the tears came again. i don't think the guy next to me knew what to do. which by the way, snored and farted the whole 3 and a half hour flight. and then when i saw kelly i cried more. i was glad to see him, but i so miss all my friends in ohio. and i miss all the trees. we have trees. just not as much. so, anyway, i have written enough and have cuased myself to cry again. I hope everyone comes out at once to see me and we can go out here! all my friends. just scoop them all up and bring them here. oh well. at least there is one more time i KNOW i will see most of them. OCTOBER 21st! 113 days, 18hrs, 34 minutes. but whos counting. miss you!

TGIF! (after 5)

2006-06-09T22:54:00.000-07:00

no longer excited from the day before. today was a crappy day. i tried to set up an interview with the call i got yesterday, but she can't meet after work hours, so i am going to have to figure something out. i guess i'll just "have an appointment". and then i really screwed up today at work and it wasn't noticed till the end of the day. it really sucked, and i wouldn't be surprised if my boss doesn't want hire me anymore. it was just a frustrating day overall and she wouldn't let me work on payroll. she thinks i can get it done on monday. which i don't think i can when she keeps giving me things that need done in the morning and that would only leave me 4 hours to get done what i need done. i so need a new job. i hate this so much. and all i keep doing tonight is think about all the stuff i need to do at work and i hate that! i even tried to read a book, and my eyes kept following the words, but my mind went to other things. then i tried to go to sleep and think about the wedding, but i kept going back to work! now i know how my fiance is! i don't know why this job is just getting the best of me! i have never been this terrible at anything! except maybe french. and i haven't been able to work out, and i'm not sleeping well. i'm just a wreck! i need like a week off instead of a day! and next weekend is going to go sooooo fast i won't even know what hit me. i need to find a better more enjoyable way to make money. this just isn't cutting it. and now my fiance is freaking out (again) because he's afraid they aren't going to hire me and we are going to lose the house. i just wish we were in the house. then we wouldn't have to worry about it anymore and if i don't have a job, it will be tough, but i think we would make it. ARG! it's amazing what 24 hours can do! i am so glad the weekend is here, and i hope it just skips right to friday!

more excitement!

2006-06-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

yes, another blog for today! i just had too much to say that i didn't want to put it on the other one. we have our loans approved for the new house, so things are moving forward with that! so excited! it's just so far away that it seems surreal. my fiance is driving me nutz with the budgeting and stuff. if he didn't think we could afford it, we shouldn't have gotten it. but it's too late now. we got our loans consolidated so that will make some money free. I'll just be paying mine for another 12 years. stupid college. and now i want to go back, so i probably won't ever stop paying those. but it will all work out. i like to freak him out and tell him i'm going to buy a whole lot at kohls. hehe! let's see.
i'm finally going back to ohio next weekend! i am so excited. keep saturday open! you know who you are! or sunday. i fly home friday afternoon. i wish i could come home sooner and stay longer so i could see everyone, but i just can't afford to miss that much work. i miss everyone so much. i miss hanging out with my guys and doing theatre with everyone and random parties at jeremy's. oh well. everyone will just have to come out here for a party at our new house!!!!!!!!! that would be the best time ever!
OH! i'm also going to see two shows this year! lion king is coming this fall!!!!!!!! i got my fiance tickets for his birthday at the end of the month. he doesn't know. unless he looked at my credit card statement. which wouldn't surprise me because it's rather large and i haven't been able to pay it off and pay for the wedding. hhmmmm... anyway, so we are going to that in november, and then my mom got me tickets to my favorite opera (which she didn't know at the time) la traviata in Aspen! so that will be a new adventure for us! so i am going to that in july!!! AND my fiance's coworkers from ohio got him a gift card to a dinner theatre in denver and we are planning on going to see SWING! which is my most favorite style of dance! we haven't gotten the tickets yet, but that's on our schedule of theatre! yeay! so out of all the shows, the only tickets we have to buy are lion king and it will be well worth the money i am sure!
we are constantly driving into the mountains on the weekends and enjoying finding new things and watching it blossom as summer arrives. i have a disposable and a half full of pictures of our adventures last weekend. when those are developed i will share! and i am bringing them home next weekend so if i see you, i will show you then! well, i guess i better go do the dishes before my fiance comes home. i told him i would do them, and, well, haven't gotten there yet. Life''s on a turn right now and i hope there isn't another turn the other way! hopefully everything will work out! ok, ok, i'm coming dishes! never teach them to talk. they just don't shut up!!!!! =)

excitement

2006-06-08T18:40:00.000-07:00

Yeah yeah. i've been bad. so i started blogs to keep busy while i await my fiance to come home, but then i started working out after work, and blah blah and then he would come home. well, he is working tonight so i thought i would catch everyone up. well, more just to tell you about my day today since he isn't here to hear about it right now.
so last you knew my job was on the line. well, now not so much! i started to step up to the plate and really let her show me things. not that i thought i wasn't, but according to others, i was. anyway, last friday i was basically told hire or fire. i don't want to work there, but since we are getting a house, i thought it would be pretty wise to stay. and they were going to pay me what i need. so that is in the works. but in the meantime, i have been looking for that perfect job. which won't really happen until after i go back to college. So today, and yesterday, i scored major brownie points with my boss. i stayed till 9:00 pm to finish month end. then today i told her i would help with A/P (our ap person left). so within 4 hours she coded and i entered a week's worth of invoices. i stayed over today too. and she was greatly impressed at that. she kept saying how much i rock! heck yeah!
next exciting thing. i had an interview saturday for a job. waiting on the callback. checked my home email at lunch and i got a questionnaire to fill out before being considered for a job. which is awesome because it's a sales position for a closet design company and i really want to do that, but have very very little sales experience. so i have to fill that out. then when i got home, i have a message of another company that wants to interview me! heck yeah! i will feel really bad if i leave my current boss, but if something with better pay, environment, benefits comes along, i'm going to take it.
and then! i come home and there is a card from one of my grandma's who is unable to come to my bridal shower and sent me a nice size check! that is going towards the wedding. as much as i would like it to go towards the house, i kinda need to pay for the photographer and reception. so that was exciting too!
and yesterday (i know it's not today, but they kinda go together right now with all the hours) my friend who is in the wedding called me last night! i haven't talked to her in a couple months. she's very pregnant and i was afraid she wouldn't come to the shower, but she's coming! so excited.
so those are my exciting things that have happened to me the past couple days. oh, and i saw the cutest puppy at lunch by the river! so cute! they always make me happy. thanks for reading about my excitements!

turn of a dime

2006-05-11T18:01:00.000-07:00

See this awesome house? ok, maybe doesn't look all that great, it looks nice though! but then you go through the doors and your eyes just open wide and your jaw drops. you cannot imagine that this house looks like that on the inside. and wait till you go out back! to the back right corner, there is a little waterfall. so relaxing. and above that, an AWESOME view of the mountains. and nothing will ever get in the way, because there is a street behind it that seems to drive right to it! till you hit grass. in case you were wondering what it was like inside, it has for bedrooms. see the two windows upstairs on the left? that would be the master bedroom, that takes up the whole side. the window just to the right of the two is in one of TWO walk in closets in the master bedroom. the other one is in the bathroom. which by the way has a very nice tub to relax in! the other two windows upstairs are bedrooms. and there is one more in the back. the staircase is open at the top, and you can look down into the kitchen and great room because it is an open two story greatroom. with a fireplace. and should you happen to go down to the basement, you will see ... a wet bar. a very nice bar might i add. and if you walk along the bar, you will go into the 4th of 4 bathrooms. this one has a wall to wall tiled shower. and there is also a rec room with a spot for a big screen tv, should you happen to have one. so why do i share this house with you? Because it's ours!!!!!! provided i don't screw things up, we will own this house july 31st. so now you have no excuse not to come visit. there is plenty of room!!!! and you just have to see it for yourself!

so about that whole me screwing things up, well, here is the situation on that. i have not had a good week at work. actually, i have not liked my new job one bit. i have made numerous mistakes, which is very rare for me, but it is being noticed by people who shouldn't notice, like the owner. well, i was told tuesday that they were not sure if the position was going to work out for me. for those who don't know, it's a temp that could go full time. now, i don't like working for my boss. she is too aggressive for me. however, this job is helping us get this awesome house, and pay my bills. i did, however, contact my rep and told him i need out of here asap. he is working on that. so i had a very tearful tuesday. gave myself a migraine from all the crying and spent the night getting sick. the next morning, my eyes are swollen still, and i look like crap. i did not want to go to work at all. but i did. and as soon as i got there, i confronted my boss on what she said to me the day before. and we worked some things out. two downfalls. should i get better at what i do, i could go full time, but it won't pay what i need. 50 cents an hour short. and i don't want to work for her. and again, with the tears. i hate being so sensitive. but luckily this only lasted a couple hours and things were cleared up. i have silently decided to still pursue a better career, while leading on i want to stay if i get things worked out. my biggest fear is it won't work out, they will dismiss me, my rep doesn't have anything for me yet, and i have no job. then this beautiful house might not become ours and it will be all my fault. and my fiance will be out of money for breaking the contract.

my life might sound all exciting - new house, getting married, working out, play in the mountains - but then tuesday came, and right now, my life pretty much sucks. i feel like i am walking on thin ice, and afraid to hit the weak spot and go plummeting into the dark freezing cold water where no one is around to hear me scream, and i drown in my frustration and failure. and although my fiance will still love me, i will have failed him too.

motivation

2006-05-02T19:09:00.000-07:00

i have joined Curves, for women. why you might ask? because i'm getting married in 172 days (not that i'm counting) and i have to look good! as every bride feels they need to. and i am glad i did. i have only been going for a week (technically 4 workout days) and every time, for the first time, i feel great after working out. sometimes i even come home and go for a nice long walk too. i don't know why this is so different. every other time i go to the gym or go running, i feel even more depressed and fat. i know it doesn't sound right, but that was how i felt. and now, i can't wait for work to end so i can go workout and hope to loose a lot of weight in the process! =) i was hoping to get 50 workouts, which would earn me a t-shirt, before i came home in june, but there aren't enough workout days! bummer. but i am motivated now. and i don't recall ever feeling that way. now i just need to control a little more on what i eat and i will be good to go. i can fit back in my clothes again, and i will look DAMN good at my wedding! =)

Colorado vs. Ohio

2006-04-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

Anyone from Ohio will tell you that the weather there is crazy. Having been, and always will be, an Ohioan, I agree. This week though just made me ask a question to myself (since no one else would understand) "is the weather crazy everywhere?" Here's why I asked such a curious question.
in Ohio, the theme is "wait till tomorrow. the weather will change." and 9 out of 10 times, it's true! i got used to the gloomy winters, and actually, being a full-blood ohioan, never really noticed the gloomy winters until i started dating my fiance, who is originally from new england. yeah. apperently they get better weather out there. i never really noticed what it did in ohio, except in school when i would hear a blizzard might come, and i would just hope my mom would sneak in my room to turn off my alarm because school got canceled. but now that i know what ohio weather does, i was expecting colorado weather to be the same. WRONG!
when we first moved out here in january, it was sunny almost every day. it didn't snow until about a month later. which i guess is not the norm. usually there have been 3-4 big (like feet, not inches ohio) snowfalls by february. they've only had one before we got there. anyway, that didn't bother me because, well, i happen to like snow. yea, i know. i'm wierd. but the sunny days i was not used to! and it was really nice! well, then the temps started to warm up and i thought nothing of it. we are having better weather than ohio. until monday.
sunday, it was so nice and warm! but a front was coming. which i have found out, i can now tell you when a front is coming (besides the news) becuase it gets terribly windy! sunday, i thought i was going to blow away. monday's high was at 12:01am. yeah, it just got colder. which i am used to in ohio, but colorado? it was raining when i left for work, and when i was coming home after a day of work, it had turned to snow. now, luckily the ground was too warm, so nothing stuck, unless you live in the foothills and higher. and then it snowed over night and i actually had to brush snow off my car and it was FREEZING! ok, like 20 something. but compared to 80, it was cold! but it was so beautiful (agian with the wierd likeness for snow). the trees were starting to bloom and the snow was sticking to the trees and bushes, and i just thought it was beautiful. but it was the last weekend in april! not a surprise for ohio, but here?
so i guess in the short run (too late, huh) i think i would prefer the colorado weather, but i miss all the snow ohio gets. and now i am ready to see what the summer will bring out here. oh and in case you were wondering, it was 65 today and getting warmer tomorrow. so you ohioans, the weather is crazy everywhere. you just get more clouds. HAHA!

Time alone

2006-04-22T09:19:00.000-07:00

So here I be. On a blog. Thanks Jeremy. Don't know quite what i am getting myself into, but we shall soon see. i figured this would be a good way for me to pass my time, since i have no friends here yet, and my fiance (which is so cool to say) works way too many hours. For instance, today. It is a beautiful... no gorgous day out today. Grant it, it is only 9:07 MT but it is still awesome. It is also saturday. and where is my fiance? work. why? because someone thought it would be fun to have a confrence call at 9:00 MT and they are probably on ET since the main headquarters is in florida. and they probably got to sleep in two more hours. And my poor fiance has worked over 13 hours everyday all week, and now is sick (he's thinking broncitis, not good) and all he wants to do is sleep in just a few more hours. but no, someone wanted to talk to everyone on a beautiful...no gorgeous saturday morning. so i was awaken at 7:30 by his alarm, and have not been able to fall back asleep. So why not try a blog! i have time. i'm awake. sure i could start working on things for the wedding (which is a very long list of "to do's") and i could clean the apartment. I just don't want to. this can be an out, a venting place for when he works late. looks like i will be on here almost every day. don't hold your breath though. And you know, i was thinking of all the things i could say, things that have been pondering in my mind for a few days now (thanks again jeremy) but now, i can't think of them to save my life. so here you go world. here's my first blog. are you hooked? didn't think so. but my dear friends in ohio, here's my life in colorado. know that in a couple minutes, i can go hundreds of feet higher, ears popping, air thinning, and get the most spectacular views and hiking trails anyone can possibly imagine.