turn of a dime

See this awesome house? ok, maybe doesn't look all that great, it looks nice though! but then you go through the doors and your eyes just open wide and your jaw drops. you cannot imagine that this house looks like that on the inside. and wait till you go out back! to the back right corner, there is a little waterfall. so relaxing. and above that, an AWESOME view of the mountains. and nothing will ever get in the way, because there is a street behind it that seems to drive right to it! till you hit grass. in case you were wondering what it was like inside, it has for bedrooms. see the two windows upstairs on the left? that would be the master bedroom, that takes up the whole side. the window just to the right of the two is in one of TWO walk in closets in the master bedroom. the other one is in the bathroom. which by the way has a very nice tub to relax in! the other two windows upstairs are bedrooms. and there is one more in the back. the staircase is open at the top, and you can look down into the kitchen and great room because it is an open two story greatroom. with a fireplace. and should you happen to go down to the basement, you will see ... a wet bar. a very nice bar might i add. and if you walk along the bar, you will go into the 4th of 4 bathrooms. this one has a wall to wall tiled shower. and there is also a rec room with a spot for a big screen tv, should you happen to have one. so why do i share this house with you? Because it's ours!!!!!! provided i don't screw things up, we will own this house july 31st. so now you have no excuse not to come visit. there is plenty of room!!!! and you just have to see it for yourself!

so about that whole me screwing things up, well, here is the situation on that. i have not had a good week at work. actually, i have not liked my new job one bit. i have made numerous mistakes, which is very rare for me, but it is being noticed by people who shouldn't notice, like the owner. well, i was told tuesday that they were not sure if the position was going to work out for me. for those who don't know, it's a temp that could go full time. now, i don't like working for my boss. she is too aggressive for me. however, this job is helping us get this awesome house, and pay my bills. i did, however, contact my rep and told him i need out of here asap. he is working on that. so i had a very tearful tuesday. gave myself a migraine from all the crying and spent the night getting sick. the next morning, my eyes are swollen still, and i look like crap. i did not want to go to work at all. but i did. and as soon as i got there, i confronted my boss on what she said to me the day before. and we worked some things out. two downfalls. should i get better at what i do, i could go full time, but it won't pay what i need. 50 cents an hour short. and i don't want to work for her. and again, with the tears. i hate being so sensitive. but luckily this only lasted a couple hours and things were cleared up. i have silently decided to still pursue a better career, while leading on i want to stay if i get things worked out. my biggest fear is it won't work out, they will dismiss me, my rep doesn't have anything for me yet, and i have no job. then this beautiful house might not become ours and it will be all my fault. and my fiance will be out of money for breaking the contract.

my life might sound all exciting - new house, getting married, working out, play in the mountains - but then tuesday came, and right now, my life pretty much sucks. i feel like i am walking on thin ice, and afraid to hit the weak spot and go plummeting into the dark freezing cold water where no one is around to hear me scream, and i drown in my frustration and failure. and although my fiance will still love me, i will have failed him too.