amazing...

so i just checked my email, and my mom is actually planning on coming out here to visit with my grandma (her mom)! this is quite a big step for my mom. i didn't think she would come out here at all. even if i had a new grandbaby for her. which i don't! don't start thinking that! this will be her first time flying in YEARS! maybe even decades! ok, maybe one decade and a half. i don't want to make me sound older than i am. they are coming in the summer right before we go on vacation. it will be a change for her and i don't know if we would be able to take her into the mountains much because she gets motion sickness, i think. at least that is what she told us so she wouldn't go on rollar coasters. so that will be exciting! i won't be able to miss work for her visit since all my vacation was used for the wedding and our vacation this summer. oh well. at least she is coming out and i shouldn't complain! well, it's not set in stone, so i'm not going to get all excited about it, but i am rather surprised! anyway, i wanted to share. see when my husband works late, i live on blogger. off to read about the journey of a rider and his dragon to get training done! hope rohan can survive! =)

snow pictures

thought i would share some pictures off my NEW DIGITAL CAMERA! yes, i just got a digital. i wanted a good one, and haven't had the money, but santa pulled through and got one for me! it rocks! it has a snow setting, so i was able to take pretty good pictures. these are from the first snowfall last week.

we had to dig ourselves out of our cal-de-sac (learned how to spell it!) because, as i said, plows don't know our road. this is a view from our house upstairs. the semi-plowed road is to the right. put some neighbors together and this is what you get!

This is a picture of the foothills. there was an overcast over the "high country" so we couldn't get really good pictures of those. so this will have to do, but still awesome! when the sun is out, you can't tell what mountain is what! it's all together.

This one is from the back yard of my co-worker's house where i stayed last night because the drive was too bad for me to go home. she lived around the corner from work.

so are these pictures inviting? see what you are missing by staying in ohio? you should come (when there isn't a storm) and enjoy the snow!!! and yes, this new camera means more pictures in my blogs! oh! and johng, my husband got me the series of harry potter! paperback, but i got it! thought of you and hope all your readings are going well! =) miss you ohio!

3 feet to 5 feet

that is how much snow we have around our house. we were told we just got 2 feet, but with all the drifts, we surpassed it! we had a 5 foot drift along the back of our house, and 2 ft of it were actually along the screen door. i looked at our cat and told him it was a good thing he was not a dog or he wouldn't be going potty! we have drifts that are almost over our fences. we shoveled at least 3 ft off our driveway. we live in a caldasac, i don't know how to spell it, and apparently we don't ever get plowed. so our one neighbor was determined to get out thursday so he shoveled from his driveway to the other road. it's not far but with three feet of snow, whew! we were at our neighbors house when he finished and when we were walking home, my husband shoveled from our driveway to the pathway. and so eventually did all the other neighbors. it is quite a sight! most of the roads were drivable today. the sun was out most of the day and helped to melt the snow, however, a lot of it just froze again and we are supposed to get flurries tomorrow! i still need to go shopping for my husband which i don't know if he deserves anything right now, but i'll get him stuff anyway. i'll have to get up early to do it so we can spend the day together (again, not sure if he's worthy of such treatment). then i have to work christmas eve. then it will be christmas, and then life will get normal again. it's like a roller coaster. those who really look forward to christmas and all the meanings behind it, take that really long track up a really steep hill. the chains going clink, clank, clink, clank, as you slowly reach the top. then on christmas eve, you just hang over the top of the hill, like you are in the first car (best seat ever!) then christmas day comes and you are down the hill, going 60 miles an hour and then it's over in a matter of minutes, or a day in this case. then you get off and start all over. i know. strange comparison,but somebody has to be odd! =) i guess i should go to bed early now so i can my husband his unworthy gifts. oh and if you want to know what he did, or didn't do, i'll tell you. i had to work tonight at my second job and was going to go to kohls since it's open till midnight. well, i don't know his shirt size so i called, and called, and called both phones. even left a message on both phones. did he answer any of them? NO! what if i was in a snowdrift or something? it's still not the safest of driving conditions! then to top it off, i get home and find that he deleted the message on the home phone and obviously was too lazy to go back downstairs and get his cell so he could be on it for two minutes to tell me what size dress shirt he wears. i'm so irritated. anyway, happy holidays!

SNOW DAY!!!

I did not make it to work today. i tried, but i failed. you see, there is this huge snow storm coming from the east (which is odd) and bringing with it 12 hours of snow!!!!!!!! yeah. so the wind started at 4:30 this morning. i woke up and never fell back asleep. so i got up and got ready for work. by this time, there was snow on the ground, but not a whole lot, and most of it was blowing off the roads. so i venture out to work and the main road was alright. tire tracks are always nice. so i get on the highway and hello crappy! i made it to the next exit ( a couple miles) and convinced myself to get off and go home. it was just getting worse and i wanted to live today. so i turn around and come home. which was even worse than when i was heading to work! and so now i am home, not getting paid, and catching up on things! i feel bad that i didn't go in. i feel like a chicken too since i did grow up in ohio and i know how to drive in this stuff. but i am home now and i am staying. my husband went to work, but he doesn't have to go on the highway! which you would think would be better, but it's not. and unlike ohio, we don't have levels here, so they are just advising people to stay home instead of issuing a level 3. they've closed I-70 from outside denver to kansas. denver is in a blizzard. the snow hurts on the face, but it's also pushed by strong winds. if it wasn't so windy it would be a perfect day to ski! fresh snow! it's so peaceful falling when the wind isn't blowing. but i'm not going skiing since i didn't go to work. although i'm sure there are a lot of people that ditched work to go ski! must be nice. i finally gave in and is letting my husband get me the Suburu that he wanted to get me next year. yeah, i need that all wheel drive without being in an suv. experienced that this morning! i wish my husband didn't go in. they we could cuddle all day and drink hot chocolate and watch movies and stuff! but no, he went anyway. did i mention that by 10:30 there was already 4 inches on the drive? we are expected 9 inches by 3 and a foot by 10. at least a foot, if not more. and we are supposed to get 1-2 feet total! fun times! i miss snow!

Moshposh

That's my new word. i love it.and that is pretty much what this blog is going to be. i don't have much to say right now. had no purpose of writing a blog today. no one seems to leave comments on what i say. now don't go starting to leave comments because i miss them. i just want you to leave them when you want to. everyone is busy getting holiday stuff i'm sure. i'm almost done, but that's because half of it i have to ship across country. i haven't written in a while so i thought i would at least leave something. i did get my wedding pictures back! yeay! there was one picture that just made me cry instantly. it's a picture of my brother and i after we just did our brother/sister dance, and he is holding my hands straight down in front of us and is kissing me on the forehead. why would i cry at that? because it's my brother and it's just that sibling closeness that we have that for him to do that is very meaningful. ah, my little brother. see! i even made myself cry right now! anyway, that is one of my most favorite pictures! he's so getting that for christmas! if i can get them printed in time! this christmas is going to be the first i have ever been away from my family. it's going to be wierd. but i look at it this way, it's a great way for my husband and i to start our own things, and enjoy the company of each other every holiday. because i know down the road it won't be so quiet. so far the cat is being good with the tree and lights. knock on wood. now we will see how he does with the gifts! the snow has finally melted from the front of our house. the mountains are still beautiful with the snowcaps. can't travel much in them though. at least this weekend. we will get snow again on sunday. the day i have to work. i think i am going to start taking voice lessons again. i miss singing, and i'm a little rusty now. i haven't sung in over a year! for those who know, sound of music was my last show! i'm going through theatre withdraw. i'm getting hives. my feet are itching. my ears are growing green. must get on stage!!!! ok. none of that is happening, but it would be funny if theatre effected me that way! not much else to say! not a whole lot going on in my head. well, there's lots going on in my head, but i don't feel like sharing. the whole christmas thing. i'm sure there are tons of blogs talking about the spirit or no spirit or whatever they believe or feel like complaining about. and that just bothers me. the complaining part. so i will just keep it to myself for now. actually i haven't really been in the christmas kind of mood! just a different place and it's just and adjustment i'll have to get used to. eventually it will happen! miss you ohio! O-H! I-O!! GO BUCKS!

i'm so bored

so much to do, yet i don't want to do any of it. yes, i know, two blogs in one night! after a break from blogging, i write two in one night.
william sonoma- love the money, hate the extra time taken out of my already busy life. this past weekend, i worked 11 hours on black friday, 8 hours on that saturday, had sunday off, and after a long day of my full time job, i go back on monday 5-11. i now have two days off and go back to work tomorrow. i work again sat for 8 hours (where did the 5 hour shifts go?) and back on monday. yeah, i might have sunday off, but...
stampin up! - business is speeding up! except when i'm not working at the job above on the weekend, the other day is focused on stampin up! what was i thinking? i don't make enough with this to help pay for christmas. although business is good, i just don't know what i will bring home at these parties. the most, i think, so far has been $60 but after this sunday, i won't have a party until january. i don't have any booked, and i'm not going to book anymore parties in december. i will for january, but not december. more for my own sanity than anything else. i would love more money, but i don't think i would make it.
CE - yeah. it's a job, not a career. it pays the bills. i like the people i work with, i like the job enough to stay, but i can't wait to get out of there. just out of the whole 8-5 at a desk, data entry blah blah blah thing. there are things i want to go back to school for, but i'm just afraid i won't do well in that to make a career out of it. yes, it's one of those downer blogs.
sigh. i'm even listening to christmas music, and the lights are on, and i'm still blahish. that's a new word by the way. i just made it up. it's going to be the new fad for '07. "that's blahish"
so husband is home. he'll be up soon, and he will read my blog as i type so i must end. tomorrow is a new day...

baby or no baby?

my coworker is pregnant. she got married almost 1 year before i did. she kept coming to work so very tired. i kept asking her if she was pregnant. she kept saying no. well, over thanksgiving, she found out she was. then she told me and two other coworkers at lunch that monday. we aren't supposed to say anything yet to the others. she's not that far along. when she told our boss, our boss told her she knew someone was pregnant, but she thought it was me. so that got me slightly paranoid. does she know something i don't? how could she? so then i started to freak out because i have been as tired as my friend. and you know what was so sad about the whole thing? i didn't want it if i was! how cruel am i? i don't want something that my husband and i have made together. maybe some of it was i'm just not ready yet. i just got married after all! and got a house! i can't afford a baby too! but i just don't want kids either! i told my husband i would have one with him, and maybe after that, i will change my mind. but no kids after 35! but now that the thought was in my mind, i really didn't want it! i was going to have to lose weight before i gain baby weight. and if i take after my mom, i won't lose the belly! i totally had a few days of freaking out. then aunt flow came to visit and it was safe for me to tell my husband that my friend was pregnant, and that our boss thought it was me. and you know what he said? if we were going to have a child, we would have to sell the house. that is his answer to any sort of financial situations that might come up. very frustrating. i won't even go into all that frustration. so now my new stress is, what if i still feel that way when i do get pregnant? am i going to have endless nights of crying? thoughts of falling down the stairs? i already feel that way now! i just don't want to be a mother. a mom. i just don't think it's something i will be good at. i know everyone seems to think i will be, but i'm really afraid that i won't! our child will be terrible because i can't control it like a mother should. i can't nurture it like a mother should. i can't love it like a mother would. i don't think i'll be able to have the patience for it! will i always yell at it? will i get bored trying to keep it happy all the time? what is wrong with me? why do i not want this wonderful miracle that God gives us? maybe i'm just not ready yet, so these thoughts are all fresh. and when i do get pregnant, it will be because we are ready as a couple and it will be happy thoughts. i have to have a child though. i told him i would, otherwise he wasn't going to marry me. boy would that piss him off! he would probably leave me right there. or kick me out. either way, it would be very very bad. the joys of motherhood just don't exist in me right now. i'm in for a long 18 years though when it comes.

lion king

Did i tell you i was going to see lion king? yeah, we went last saturday for his birthday! it was awesome! ok, awesome is putting it lightly! it was breath-taking. it is a must see! as soon as the curtain went up, i had goosebumps! and the only thing on the stage was the baboon (can't spell the name) and she was awesome! then the set moved on it's own, and the stage rose, and animals started to come on stage and down the aisles, and i was in heaven! they had an elephant too!!! my fav costume was the giraffes! and the sets were awesome! like when mufasa dies, the whole stampede was just awesome! and the headpieces of the lions were awesome too! and the singing was breathtaking! the guy that played older simba had a slight speach thing, but i got over it. it was spectacular! i can't even begin to put the right words to it! GO SEE IT!! it rocked! and wicked is coming next year! and light in the piatza (however) and yeah, i miss theatre. i miss my theatre friends. they are always the best to hang out with. =) go see lion king! you will love every aspect of it!

GO BUCKS!

And that is all i am going to say on that! oh and big ten champs! YEAH!!!!!! don't look so blue blue! =) hehe.
so i don't really have much to say. i just had to write a blog. i am still insanely doing three jobs. i dread going to the second one, but then once i'm there, i'm fine. it just takes time out of my evenings and weekends, but i'm getting christmas money (not that i have time to shop now) so that works out. i am enjoying being married. it's very wierd to call him my husband, or to hear him call me his wife. or to see my name with my new last name (finally!). but i think i can get used to it. these next couple holidays are going to suck. we won't be able to go home and i seriously doubt our families are coming out here. so it will just be us. but that will be ok. it's bound to happen sometime. so this is quite the mosh posh of blogs! i am thinking on taking voice lessons again. slightly out of practice. hope to be in a show soon. still have to check out auditions. which reminds me, i have to write a new blog after this! =) oh the suspense! i am listening to my other love's cd. josh groban. i just can't explain how his music just moves me. i wish i could be as famous as he is, just singing songs and having people enjoy them. well, i guess i will end this mosh posh and start the other will. *sigh*

did you miss me?

i'm back and married! woowho! and so happy! i was thrilled to see everyone and i was glad that curtain players hung out to the end to keep me company as my new husband had to run home to get the check book to pay the dj. good times. good times! the wedding, i thought, was beautiful and wonderful, and besides a few giggles from me (don't ask, i would give anything to not do that again) the ceremony was everything i hoped it would be. short, sweet, simple, loving, beautiful. my girls were awesome at keeping me calm, for they could tell when my mom was bothering me. and they looked so beautiful! i have no idea how i looked. and my brother looked very handsome. i was quite glad to have him give me away. it was very moving for me. and when we made it to the stairs to the alter, he held my hand until he had to give me away. i love him so. and then i finally got to see my husband to be! and man did he look good! i think i fell in love with him all over again! it was the most beautiful thing i have ever done! and i was glad my closest friends were there to enjoy it with me! and the the party started! i wish i could've spent more time with everyone, but alas, it was impossible. how i miss everyone though! when i'm there with them, it's like i never left. those are true friends to make someone feel that way! i miss you guys terribly! so there's not a whole lot to tell about the honeymoon. it was beautiful in north carolina with the trees changing. my new husband got the flu early monday morning, so that was an exciting start. but he slowly recovered and we slowly did things. saw my new house! ok, not really, but i would love to have it. 250+ rooms, 45 bathrooms, 8,000 acres, winery on site. we of course had to buy some. got to taste some too! definely more a white and rose wine kind of girl! it was awesome! then we came home and started our life as husband and wife. it's like dating all over again! i love it! i'm sure that will fizzle a little, but i know i will never stop loving him. i have officially changed my name and have the SS card and driver's license to prove it! ah, i would totally do it all over agian, and not laugh in the middle of the ceremony. at least i made it memorable for everyone. 30 years from now they are still going to talk about it. i just know it. un amore per sempre!

snowflakes

it is snowing for the first time at our house. it is so pretty. sticking to the leaves, and grass. we have tall grass stalks too, and it looks so pretty on that. it started about 11 this morning, and i got to watch it almost all day, since i have a window by my desk. it's so pretty! thank goodness it didn't stick to the roads! however, i ended up taking mostly side roads home because people can't drive on the highway in it. i was behind this car that kept tapping his breaks and the closest car in front of him was half a mile away. and the roads are only wet. it drove me nuts. i was still going faster than most cars on the highway, when i got onto the service road that is next to it. crazy. by the time i got home, it was a gentle snowfall, and i just wanted to sit outback and drink hot cocoa and cuddle with kelly. not going to happen, since we don't have anything to sit on, but it's a goal! so pretty! and it will quit snowing by the time our flight leaves, so i'm not too worried! i love snow. it's so happy. the mountains are supposed to get a couple feet, where we are only to get a couple inches, but it sure is pretty! as long as it's clear for work tomorrow too, i'll be fine. well, i'm off to make my soon to be husband (4 days, if you are counting) dinner. he wants beagle bites. we eat so well here. happy snow!

Colorado Sunsets

as the sun moves closer to the mountains, the clouds start to disappear. the mountains turn into silhouettes. each row is marked by a dark line, if that line can be seen. there's a slight haze around them, giving the mountains a seamless look. where does one mountain top end and the other begin? they go from rocks and trees, to solid and fog. from browns and greens, to different shades of dark blue. it's amazing what a little sun can do. as the sun approaches the other side of the mountains, the sky turns orange and purple. the mountains grow darker, almost dark purple themselves. the fog is thinner, but there is still something there. blocking any sort of realization of the mountains. even the snowtops become nothing but shadows from the sun. Mt Meeker stands alone. standing tall above all other peaks. dark like night. should a cloud dare to show itself, the sun rays shine around it, giving an even more unreal look. an airbrushed canvas of nature. a picture that changes as the earth moves, relocating the setting sun's destination behind the dark silhouette lines of the mountains. every day, a new picture, every day a new smile.

crazy dream!

so it was not a good dream. and it is very vivid in my mind. i just have to get it out somewhere. it's crazy, and i don't know why i drempt the things i drempt, but i'm not eating animal crackers anymore before i go to bed!

THE DREAM:
so, the beginning is slightly foggy, but, i am with a friend, don't know the friend in real life. we are at a party or a bar or something drinking. well, we are both trying to get Brad Pitt (don't ask, he wouldn't be my first pick, but not complaining) and this other actor (don't know who) to ask us out. well. the unknown actor disapears. Brad Pitt takes my friend home. next thing i know, i am in the basement of my first house in ohio. the house i grew up. there are these two guys that come down and i try to fight them off, and this other guy comes from behind me and grabs me and i can't get loose. (this is where it gets creapy, almost don't want to type out creapy) they end up tieing my arms together and hang me from the ceiling. then tie my ankles on other sides of the room if you know what i mean. they tear off my clothes (see creapy) and start raping me and biting me and it was ugly. still very vivid. then Brad Pitt (my hero) comes down the stairs and he knocks the guys out, cuts me down, wraps me in a sheet and sits me against the wall so he can tie up the other guys. i am completely weak from this ordeal. so when he is done, he comes over to my side and i ask him why he came back. he said that i was normal. the other girl just wanted to be with the name. i wanted to know the person. so i was second choice. but he did come back for me and saved me. so now the dream gets a little better. =) he calls the police and they want a statement from me and he told them that i was to dramitized by it at the moment and i will give a statement later. i wanted to be out of there before they came. i had no place to go (even though that was my real house, it must not have been in the dream and i was visiting someplace and didn't really have a place called home. messed up!) so he picks me up and takes me to his place in a very nice sports car. we talked for a little bit, but i eventually fell asleep, in the dream, and he calls someone and gets the best doctor to come to his house to look at me. so he carries me to a room and i am still asleep. oh and heres a kinda funny. since the stangers ruined my underwear, he had the person he was talking to get me some. so he puts one of his t-shirts on me (who wouldn't want one of those!) and waits outside the room, very concerned, while the dr examines me, while i sleep. he just sits in this chair across from the door with his elbows on his knees and his hands fisted by his mouth just staring at the door. she comes out (he got a female dr, how sweet!) and she tells him that i need to stay in bed for a couple days to regain my strength and a nurse will be by every day to change the dressings on my wrists and ankles. the ropes did a number on them i guess. she would be back in a couple days to check up on me. so she leaves and he comes in and sits in a chair next to the bed and does the same sitting formation as outside the door. and he watches me sleep. i'm sure he moved throughout the night. he kept dismissing his butler or whatever he was. he wanted to stay there the whole night in case i woke up and freaked out. so throughout the night i constantly sit up, make sure i have all my clothes on, and lay back down, in my sleep. finally the next morning comes and i do this one more time and actually wake up from it. i was facing away from him, sat up, laid on my back and tried to figure out where i was. i had a confused look on my face so he knew i was awake and he said good morning. oh, and just a sidenote, he's not with jolie. they broke up. how ironic. so anyway, i roll over and see him sitting there with a concerned look on his face. he told me about how i had nightmares all night, and that the dr came and what was going on with all that. i just stare at him this whole time and then ask him when he was done talking, if he had been there all night. he told me yes. i asked him some other questions that i don't remember, but i remember he told me that he respected me and that i have nothing to worry about. he wasn't going to hurt me. but i knew he wouldn't. i somehow trusted him. and i told him that was good or i would've told every tabloid about it. he kinda smiled and snickered at it. then i just stared out to nothing, suddenly gripped the sheets and started balling. the whole event had caught up to me. he wasn't sure what to do, but he came over next to the bed and started stoking my hair. he was afraid to touch me, even on the shoulder. he didn't know who i would react to that. so he just comforted me the best he could and told me i will be ok, and that i am a strong person, and those guys will never be able to do that again, and that he was sorry it happened to me. then he just let me cry, still stroking my hair. then i slowed down on the crying and he asked if i wanted breakfast, so he had someone make me breakfast. he didn't want to leave my side. then i just remember being very quiet for a while, and him still being concerned for me. then i woke up. really woke up.

so that was the dream. told you it was vivid still in my mind! and i drempt it a couple days ago! it's like what every girl wants (except for the rape part) from a guy. which i know i have in my fiance, i just hope we never have to deal with that. so yeah. still freaked out about the whole dream thing. haven't told my fiance about it. i usually don't tell him about my wierd dreams. i keep them to myself or blog it. i like to think that we lived happily ever after and that he quit smoking and doing drugs and stuff and never cheated on me. hehe! it's all a dream though and i will probably never meet him, and i will be married, and he couldn't pay me enough to leave my husband. he's my "Brad Pitt". =)

be sick or not to be sick...

(meant to post this a couple days ago. oops!)
that is the question. so i'm glad that i got my cold before the wedding.but it really sucks to be sick! now it's mostly draining into my chest, so i have really annoying coughs, and i will spare you the details. yesterday was my first working day at my seasonal job. it was so dry there ( i was mostly in the back) and i was coughing and talking, that i now barely have a voice! wouldn't that have been fun during the ceremony. the priest asking me three times if "I DO" because he wouldn't be able to hear me. or i do everything on a dry erase board. that would be fun! and take a very long time! but it is all good because i have two weeks and it will be gone by then! yeay! two weeks! it's all sort of surreal still! i so can't wait! my mom is totally stressed out, although she's trying not to let me know that i think. i thought i was supposed to be that! oh well. she's just SO organized that she feels she has to get everything organized and then organized again, that she doesn't think she will have time. she's so silly. it's quite funny when people ask if we are nervous. why on earth would we be nervous? i never understood that question. if you are nervous, then you shouldn't be getting married. i think i am going to be driving my co-workers crazy these next couple weeks! hehe. i just can't wait to go away too. ok, so i kinda strayed from the title, but come on! i am two weeks away from marrying the man of my dreams. 7 years we've been together. it's time! yeay!!!!!!!

*sniffle*

yep, that's right. i have a cold. a fun annoying cold! my nose is raw and it's only been one day! like most of my colds, i get the sore throat for a couple days. that started sat night. then i was all pressurized inside my sinus' monday and tues. then last night, the waterfall of snot started! i didn't have any drugs so i was blowing my nose every 5 - 10 minutes! i lie not! then i got the miracle drug! mucinex! i'm still slightly stuffy, but i now blow my nose once an hour or so! and all my pressure is gone! and they last 12 hours! i wouldn't say i'm in heaven now, but i'm on my way! and i must say i am SO glad it hit now. i was so afraid i would have a cold for the wedding! i have two weeks to kill it! at least to get it out of the head! otherwise the plane rides are going to suck! oh, and i figured the other day to work that i will be on six planes in the course of a week and a half! we have layovers on all flights! it really sucks, but it was the cheapest way we could get the flights! and i don't even know if we will be able to sit together! we will find out though! anyway, yeah, have a cold. everyone at work is really nice at reminding me that i am sick. " oh i need to stay away from you, blah blah blah". i hate it when people are like that. because i don't feel well as it is, let's add some more to it! i could stay home, but 1 i'm not that sick, and 2 i would just work on my wedding stuff! i would get no rest! i hope to sleep well tonight! i woke up last night at 4:30 and was awake for an hour and a half. i finally fell asleep to be woken in 15 minutes by my alarm! it really sucked! i haven't felt the sleepiness yet, but i'm sure it will hit soon! oh, and for those who are concerned, i do not live by where the shooting was. and that just needs a whole new blog! oh, so pissed about those. anyway, i shall go now. printing my programs! they will be done this weekend! i can't believe it's almost here! i'm so excited! now i just need to rid the cold! blach! see you soon!

big yellow ball

yes, that's right. i just said big, yellow, and ball. what is this you might ask? well, duh! a big yellow ball! ok, it's an exercise ball before they were big. it rocks! i haven't lived with it in years because i just didn't have room in my apartment for it. and we didn't move with it, and i didn't know my fiance's parents were bringing a small u-haul when we moved to the house. so my mom, being the cool person she is, knows that i miss it and shipped it to me! i've had it for about a month now. my fiance was not happy to see it. he just doesn't understand. so he banned it to the basement where all the other weights are that we don't use. so i got it and now use it as my chair for the computer! i don't know what he thinks of it, but i do see him sitting on it. even just sitting here i can work muscles i forgot i had! i LOVE it! i can bounce, and roll, and tilt, and that sound's very kinky. however, i love it and have been so happy to have it back in my life! and since we are a higher altitute, it doesn't need new air, whereas in ohio it was getting a little flat! it rocks! this could be why my lower back hurts as well. that's ok. my muscles down there will get better and it will be all good! bouncey bouncey bouncey. hehe! it's like being a kid again! and it's great for balance. i like to sit indian style (not recommended unless you have something close to grab real quick) and trying to balance that way. not too good at it yet. but i will get there! and i'll get my core all going and stuff! hehe! i just thought i would share my small pleasure with my big yellow ball!
and to update you from my crappy day, it was just a crappy week, and now it is the weekend and hopefully next week will be a little calmer. i hate being a new person and not remembering things. anyway, happy weekend! hoping we will take a bike ride through the mountains and take pictures of the changing leaves! have to buy a new disposable since we can't get a digital yet and we never got around to registering one. it will be all good though. i'll get one soon. just the right one for taking perfect outdoor pictures. and one that will capture the beautiful sunsets behind the mountains. yeah, the beaches are nice, but they just don't shoot the rays the same way mountains do. maybe someday i'll describe such a beautiful sunset. 22 days!

day for staying home

today is one of those days that i should've stayed home. i am having a really crappy day at work. i've found way too many errors for my comfort. which isn't much. i decided to take a lunch break now. yeah, little late, but i'm really not supposed to not take a lunch or leave early. besides, i start my seasonal job tonight and with the mood i'm in, i'll have to shop to kill the time. not good. so i thought i would vent in my blog. blog blog blog. i would rather be anywhere else than right here right now. and i don't want to leave, because i might not come back. i must resist looking at my work email. i don't need any more problems. good thing i sit in the back. easier to cry and not have anyone see me. it's just one of those days. and i'm homesick again. this really sucks! at least my boss here is a little more understanding on screwing up than my old one. she at least understands that it happens and it will be ok. although i don't feel ok. i'm not even in the mood to eat my sandwich. i had half a breakfast burrito. that was a waste. it wasn't very good. should've gotten syrup. had two pepsis. again, isn't good cause i won't fit in my dress. i should've stayed home. but then, someone else would have to figure out my problems, and then i would have to hear about it when i got back, and i would feel even more bad that they had to deal with it. i just wouldn't win. i should've known it was going to be a bad day when i drempt about my old boss. AAAAHHHHH!!! nothing good comes when she is around. sigh. tomorrow is another day. hopefully better!

new blog look!

so do you like? i like. no, the picture is not me. thank you sony and johng for the links off your blog. little did you know huh! now i just have to play a little more when i find time in the insane world i decided to make right now. but for now, this will work! i'm quite proud of myself that i could figure out where to put them. may be simple to most people, but this is not my forte, that's music. not computers. anyway, new look, new me! like how my future name is already up? i just had to! i even got a stamp at work that has my new initial on it so they wouldn't have to get a new one. i'm going to try to get rid of my last name as much as possible! ok, totally changed the subject. let me know what you think! i know it's dark, but it's fun! all the words are bright! like my personality! boy am i moody! one blog i'm all homesick, next blog i'm all happy! still homesick, but i know i will see a lot of my friends in 25 days, 19 hours and 7 minutes! but who's counting. really! love ya! big kisses!

am i insane?

am i really? am i trying to see how much i can jam in one month? so i got a part time job. actually it's seasonal. but if i like and if they like me, it could stay after the holidays. that is going to be at least a couple days a week. i would like to get 20 hours in. my personal business is finally on a role. i have two parties in the next couple weeks. and some where in all that i have to find a time to finish the programs (which you are going to love!) finish the place cards as the rsvps come in, meet with the priest one more time here, and i don' t even know what else i have to do! i don't have much left to do for the wedding, but it's all running around inside my head. so dizzy! so, let's take a trip down insanity lane of this past year. let's see. got engaged. moved across country in less than a month from that. plan a wedding, job search. find a terrible job, continue job searching, house searching. find house, still looking for new job. find new job, move into house. get stampin up going. start new part time job, get married. go on honeymoon. still happy in job and house and with fiance - which is a good thing! and that leaves two months to convince my mom to come out here for christmas. oh, so that would mean that we would have to still christmas shop, stay in part-time job and do shows. WHEW! are you tired? me too! i'm going to be so bored next year! i know what i'll do! THEATRE! yeay! oh, and by the way:
GO BUCKS!

Home-sick

yeay ohio! i know not a lot of people like ohio. even ohioans! but for some reason i do. maybe because it's home. no matter where i live, it will always be home. even in my family moves out of state, it will still be home. even when all my friends there forget about me and we all move on different ways, it will still be home. yep. pretty homesick lately. and some people who said they will be at my wedding, aren't coming. it's like the only time they are going to see me! might be the last time some people will see me! kinda hurts. by the way Mr. Sony, JohnG beat you on the RSVP as well as my comments! are you getting yours in? you better! don't make me have to add you to my hitlist! sorry, digress. i feel really bad that my one friend was not invited because someone doesn't like him and want him at the wedding. and both his roommates are invited. i really hate doing that. and i just miss my friends while they are still friends! i miss going to theatre shows to support them. i miss going out afterwards till all hours of the night with them. i miss my friend's parties. i miss going to chick flicks. i miss girls' night. i miss the trees. i miss max and ermas. i just want everyone and everything to move out here! the odds of that are slim to none i know. i miss my friends babies. i haven't even seen one yet! i know i'll make friends out here. and i'll have a new set of theatre peopel. and yes, i do have some friends, but they just aren't the same. and my fiance isn' t making much effort in finding someone to hang out with. not that i mind him home with me, i just wish he would find someone to go see guy movies with and stuff! i'll see some, but i'm sure it's not the same. just like him seeing a girly movie! anyway, just lonely and homesick. 30 more days and i'll be home but i won't get to see many people. hang out like i used to. i guess it's just part of life.

blog blog blog

i was checking out my blog today, and i noticed something. it is very boring! i don't have links, i don't have my friends blogs on, i don't have a profile... it's just boring! i guess it's good that not a lot of people (from what i assume) view it. yeah, some of my blogs may be entertaining in some way or another, but really? just boring. and i'm too stupid (computerwise) to figure out how to change things, or how to add things, or whatever. i don't want to post my picture. i don't want to post "my life" in a profile. i just don't think people need to know what i look like or what my life was like, or what i do for a living, or my interests. i don't know. it just seems to be one of those days. actually, i've kinda been in a slump all week! yeah, my wedding may be 50 days, 19 hours and 51 minutes away, and i should be excited about that. i am, i'm just having the slumps. and i've quit working out. i should've transfered when i was there, but i didn't. i said i'll wait till the end of the month. they are having this bingo thing and i just wanted to win something, however, it's 15 minutes the opposite way from my house when i get off the highway. i was going to go today, but there was an accident. so now that i have not gone, and have been having ice cream every day, my belly is not of it's best figure! and i can't get big there or i will not fit in the dress! this is most of my slump. i can't diet. it just doesn't work for me. i don't like the things you are supposed to eat. i just don't. and i'm not going to suffer just to lose weight. then i will binge and get a big belly again. and don't even get me started on my arms. i'm going to be flying down the aisle (and if you two say anything at the wedding, don't think i won't hit you at the church!). i'm just miserable. i just don't even want to eat. yeah, i know that will do a lot of good too! and now at my new job we aren't supposed to work overtime. so i get home before 5. my fiance still gets home so much later. i'm just so bored! i want to do theatre, but who is going to cast someone who is going to miss a week and a half of rehearsals a week before opening? no one. unless i was that good they just had to. but i'm not. don't get me wrong, there are a lot of good things going on right now. just this week, blah. i haven't even signed up for benefits! what's wrong with me? well, i shall continue my slump and won't slump anymore on you. *sigh*

it's getting closer!!!!

HEHE! getting excited! the wedding is less than two months away! we are getting rsvps (have you turned yours in yet? didn't think so!) i just ordered my fiance's ring! what do you think?

yeah, i like it too. i hope he likes it! i know he will like it. and if he wants a different one, then we can get a different one down the road. after i pay this one off. i'm so excited! i have mentioned that yet? yeah, i'm probably going to drive you guys crazy over the next couple months! oh, and if you are wondering the outcome of the "in-laws" the uncles are being invited. much to my dismay. we hadn't talked about it, and they called while we were in a store and he told them right then that we just had to find the stuff again to make the invitations, and had them send us the addresses. boy did he get a look from me! then when he got off the phone, he told me it was all politics. we didn't really have a choice, even though she said we did. not too happy about this! so they better hope they don't really come, or if they do that there is enough room. otherwise, we are putting them at their table and it will be crowded! so that is all the drama that is going on and hopefully that will be it! my mom finished my dress! she's so awesome! we have our program set up for the most part! just one page to figure out! i'm going to work on the cover today and see if we can get it how we want from a printing place. we won't be able to do it on ours. and we will be making those, so that is the last thing i have to make until i go home! =) which will be thursday for those who are wondering, but probably won't be able to see you until the wedding! man i miss everyone! that is going to be the one downfall for the wedding. i won't be able to really spend lots of time with everyone! but i will be married to the most wonderful man that can ever exist! i'm sure everyone says that about their other serious half! but to them it is true! he is the most wonderful man for me! he's not meant for anyone else! =) and he's going to look so good! i'm just going to want to eat him up right away! we have to take these "classes" with the church (not as bad as catholic) and the priest has said every time he can tell we are truly in love. that we really love each other. i'm sure they get couples that they aren't sure are going to make it or not, but i guess it's pretty obvious with us. i mean i do love him very much (i'm really just marrying him for his last name - hehe) as he does me, but i guess it still shows after 7 years when we are around people. we don't notice, but i guess there is something there that we don't see. anyway, now that i've gotten all mushy i guess that's all that i really have to say right now! except i'm so excited!!!!!!! can't wait to see you (you know who you are!!!) yeay!

accidents

no i wasn't in an accident, but there was one on the way home from work today. and let me just tell you. if the accident is on the other side of the median by like 100 yards you don't need to slow down! there is a barrier there to avoid the accident from coming over to the other side!
so i'm driving home from work today. the exit before mine starts to back up. i think nothing of it since it merges to two lanes, and then there are cars coming on the highway after the bridge. usually it then breaks up. not today! i always seem to hit thicker traffic there and every day, i wonder why i didn't get off the exit before and take the service road home. oh yeah, cause the highway is 75 and the service road is 55. except when there is an accident on the OTHER SIDE! come on people! don't you know you are backing up traffic when you slow down to look? do you really think the people on the other side want you to look at their stupidity (if they caused the accident) or thier frustrations of a broken car? respect the accident people! they don't stop and stare at you! now i can understand if the accident and the traffic is on the same side. just to make sure no one gets hurt. i've learned to be patient with those. but when it is on the other side? have i mentioned that bothers me? just checking. that's all i have to say today. just venting about that. i've done a few vents on here! maybe soon i will have a happy one! not that i'm not happy, just have things to vent on.
countdown to wedding: 65 days, 20 hours, 18 minutes. but who's counting. =)

all on the in-laws

let me just say, i am so frustrated right now with my fiance's mom, it isn't even funny. first off, i didn't want kids at the wedding. except my flowergirl, since she's in the wedding. well, we now have an 18th month old coming... ok, i need to start from the top...
we had our wedding list ready to go. we had all the invitations made. all envelopes were addressed. we were just waiting till it got closer to send them out. (they've been ready since march). i told my fiance they are done and we aren't inviting anyone else. well, then his mom kinda guilts us into inviting her three sisters in which she is close to, i've NEVER met, and i don't even know how often they have seen my fiance, but it's not much. seeing as one lives in hawaii, one lives in NC and one lives far into PA. SO i have to make more invites. not that i minded, but i thought we were done. i had my fiance get the names of everyone from each family. knowing they had kids, but i thought they were all teens. when his parents came out to help us move, she asked if there were going to be any babies, and who was going to watch them. i said there might be one, but either the husband or my friend's mom will watch her. this is when i find out there is a baby with one of her sisters. i was not planning on finding a sitter. i believe it was concluded that if they wanted a sitter, she will have to arrange it. after all, she's the one that wanted us to invite them! so, again, i thought this was the end of that. i was wrong...
we get an email today saying that one of the sisters asked a brother or two if they were coming to the wedding. well, they said they didn't get an invite. so now she wants to know if we can send invites to the three brothers (unfortunately he has a HUGE family from aunts and uncles to siblings) even though she doesn't think they will come. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGJHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
here's the problem with that. 1. we have limited space on the stage. there are certain friends that were not invited because of limited space. i would rather have friends at my wedding then aunts and uncles that only come around once in a blue moon! i don't even think they know waht he looks like except through pictures! so by inviting them, we are taking a risk of them coming and not having any room on the stage. like i said, would rather have friends there. 2. i have to make MORE invitations!
now i am trying to be the cool bride, and not have any drama, and i was doing good! i thought my family would be the ones with all the dramas. nope, it would be his mother. i don't know what to do! i don't want to make more invites for one, i just don't want to make them, and second, what if they all do decide to come? huh? then what? everyone must sit on other laps? i have a slight safety net where i know my two cousins aren't coming (no surprise to me) and i know that i have two friends who are involved with a show that night, that won't be able to make it. so that frees up 8 seats, but again, with the whole invite a certain % more than what it will seat thing still has me a little freaked out. i know that if i don't invite them, she will still somehow get it in a conversation and make me feel guilty.
OH! and if her sisters come in in time, she wants them to come to the rehearsal dinner! ok, now on this, she's paying for the dinner, so as long as those that are involved in the wedding are accounted for, it's not as big a deal, except that i only wanted those who were involved in the wedding to be at the rehearsal. it never ends! i don't know what to do! i know that if i argue anything or deny anything, that she will still somehow, without knowing it, or knowing it, make me feel like shit! she's good like that. and she's good at making me feel stupid sometimes too. now i love her to death (but not as much as my mom) but there are just some things, i just can't handle! anyway, i think i have vented enough for one night. i am trying not to talk about the wedding much, but really! this needed to be vented. i'm sure everything will work out, and i will be so engrossed at being a newly wed and partying that i will forget all this drama. but for now, it's drama. ARG!

sanity is great!

i talked to the girl that took over payroll at my old job today. she finally learned about how crazy my old boss was. found out a few things that she has said not only about me, but about some of my friends there to people who hadn't even met us yet. not too happy about that. a long letter was written to HR from my coworker about what is going on with the boss. and i can just tell you, i am in a much happier place! so far, even though it's only been a week and a day, i really like my new boss. i like my job, i like the coworkers, i like the company, and i like that the days go by pretty quick! it's great! it's like the old job was a nightmare that i got to keep the friends when i woke up. but i still have the afterthoughts. i'm not there anymore though, and it is for the better! i'm sure i will have my days at the new job, but it will help a lot more in paying the bills. only problem is it's biweekly, so i won't be getting a check for a couple weeks. have to watch myself these next two weeks so i can make sure i can help pay the morgage! what also isn't helping is that my loan consolidation hasn't gone through yet. there was some confusion on thier part so i have to pay full amount on my loans one more month. and with the wedding coming around the corner (yeay!) i really could've used that one extra month. anywho, for those that have asked and are wondering, i love my new job! i think i will be staying there for a while! there is another girl there that has almost the same personality as me. could get interesting! oh, and for those who are eager, the invites are going out next week, so watch your mail! i made them myself. i'm so proud. =) talk soon!

I still got it!

i could tell you all about my new house, again. but this is a much more exciting story...

i was in one of my favorite stores today looking for some things for my new house =) i was winding in and out of some of the aisles when i noticed this kid was in the same sections i was. i thought it ironic more than anything and wondered if he would come around the next aisle. as i am standing there looking at cork/dry erase boards, i noticed he did not take the turn with me. just as i finished the thought he comes right around the corner and says "excuse me, i think you are pretty cute and was wondering if you would go out on a date with me."
before i go on, let me draw you a picture ( i guess it's more write). i am almost 30. not a fun age. at this point i am feeling fat and old. i know i'm not fat, but it's a girl thing. this morning i actually styled my hair and put on make-up. was in a short skirt (to the knees boys) and a fitting shirt. HE on the other hand was MAYBE 16. glasses, short, scrawny, boyish! no offense should you happen to cross this blog.
i go on...
i was totally taken back by what was just said to me. i giggled and smiled and told him i was sorry but i was engaged. he was slightly disappointed, and i told him that was was totally flattered by him asking me. he said then said " well, i just think you are really hot (FLATTERED!) and thought i would ask you out." i appoligized again and he asked for a hug. this is the best part. i told him sure, and gave him a hug. when he let go and said thanks his cheeks were beat red! it was so cute!
so yes, i was just thought of still being in high school, and hot! which i never got in high school. if the kid only knew i was at least 12 years older than him! i just couldn't break his little heart more than it already was. and i give him credit! that took guts to ask out a hot "girl"! i couldn't do that to a guy! it made my night. made me feel young and skinny (and hot) again.
and about the house, moved in last monday, inlaws were here, they are finally gone, half unpacked, lots of empty space, awesome views of the mountains and summer storms. smells like farm poop. but we love it!

perfect timing

Today is a good day. actually, today is a great day! i am getting a new job! saturday, i am going to go through some one on one training with my new boss. and i am getting a substantial pay increase! let's just say i am going to make over $5 more an hour! oh yeah! way higher than i thought i would ever get! but i am not going to complain at all! and i can wear jeans any day that i want! how awesome is that! and t-shirts (without print) whenever i want! and sandals, and and, i can come in any time before 8:30 as long as i work 8 hours. and and the environment is going to be awesome. i already really like my new boss. i am so excited! still waiting on the offer letter, but i will be getting that this week! and she is letting me have the 31st off so i can move into our new house! now we can get cable! big deal for us! we now don't have to stress as much about financials! it is a good day. my fiance is very proud of me. i think i am still shocked! even getting the house is still surreal! probably even after we are already living there! and i am working the new totally awesome job! oh yeah! so excited! things are finally starting to turn around for me since being out here! i can't wait to tell my old boss that friday will be my last day! i don't have to work for crazywoman anymore! no more nausous stomachs, dreading going in, stressing over sneezing wrong! oh yeah. did i mention today is a great day? just checking!

TP on the roll!

alright boys. i'm putting the question out there that every woman wants to know. why is it SO hard to put a new roll of toilet paper on the roll? it's right there, you are just sitting there anyway, not going anywhere till you need it. why not make it easier on yourself! here's how you change it.

1. there is a tube that holds the toilet paper. it's spring loaded. push in one end. this should free the tube from the holder. pull towards you.

2. take the empty cardboard roll off the tube and put it in the trash. the trash should be conveniently located next to the toilet, for such an occasion.

3. take the new roll of toilet paper (you will find this wherever your TP is stored. varies per household) and slide the tube through the hole in the middle.

4. put one end of the tube into the holder.

5. push in the tube just enough to fit into the hole on the other side of the holder and release. this should pop it right in.

there! 5 quick easy steps on how to change the TP! what else are you doing just sitting there besides pooping and stinking up the place? so what provoked me to write such a blog? i got up to go to the bathroom, and my fiance had taken a roll out and placed it on the counter. NOT on the roll. HELLO!! right there! really? is it really that hard? come on now boys! my friend's husband does this as well, so i know it's not just my fiance. and the way boys are, i'm sure 99% of you do this as well! really. it won't hurt you. i promise!

tides of change

boy do i have a rollercoaster of a life right now! hopefully the ride will be ending soon, and i can get off. so yesterday, my cell phone was non stop at work. i obviously didn't answer any of them. don't need to piss the boss off. so i would check my messages when i could. the first call was from a job that i had interviewed with about a month ago. they gave the job to someone who had a lot more experience in their pay system (i had none). i found this out yesterday too. however, something came open and to give them a call if i was still interested. so at lunch i called and left HR a message. then after lunch, the payroll manager called and wanted to talk to me when i could. then my boss needed me to go to the post office. it's close enough to walk to, far enough to take a while. and it was so hot! anyway, so i took advantage of being away from any co-worker and called as i went to the post office! and she told me that there have been some changes in the dept and some people are not able to handle the extra workload, and so something has come open if i was still interested. this place is awesome to work for, so i of course said yes i was. we talked a little more, and i will be making at least $2 more than i am now an hour. she still had to talk to HR and see what they could do, and hopefully get an offer letter out that day so i can start pretty soon! oh yeah, and i was her second pick for the first job, which is why she gave me a call for this job. i am so excited. not that i want to keep doing payroll, but i will have a more secure job, full time, more money, benefits out the wazoo if i want them, cafeteria, better environment, oh the list could go on. then later that afternoon, i got a call from the place that wanted to hire me temp with potential to hire if i could step up to the plate. well, she wanted to let me know that the person she needed to talk to was at a seminar which she forgot, and will talk to her on monday. so i should hear something monday. pretty cool that i will have two job offers. but i am going with the full time one. i need to wait till i have the letter though before i tell the other place i got a new job. i can't wait to get out of the hotel. and what is even better is my boss here thinks that with my experience, i won't get more than what i am making now anywhere. HA! showed her! she's good at busting your ego and making hers HUGE! anywho, so i hope this tide is flowing in the right direction and doesn't take another turn. i can't handle any more of it! YEAY!!!!!!!!

sigh

yes, this is two in one day. if i wrote about aspen and my life on one blog, i would probably crash the computer. so my fiance was very mad at me for not telling him about losing my job. it took about three days for him to finally talk to me. yeah, that was fun. slept in the other bedroom two nights. then we saw pirates and it was all good. as good as it could get i guess. we are still getting the house. i am still at the hotel, unfortunately. i am so miserable there. she asked if i could stay a little longer. make up your mind woman! see, the AR guy quit and so there was just her, if i left. so i stayed on a week to week basis. then two weeks ago, there were two temps that i had to train. yes, the whole accounting dept was temps. not going to go there. the one that was supposed to do payroll was so slow at picking up at things that it really frustrated me. although i shouldn't care if she gets it or not. won't be my problem. but i'm not like that. so she lasted a week. she then didn't come in on monday, and apparently got a job that started monday. i don't know how much of it i believe. she didn't want to work there i don't think. so monday i had to train the girl who was learning AP. oye. she picked up on it though very quickly. and now they are going to hire her full time. i want to tell her don't do it, but she needs to learn for herself. she's even taking a paycut. not the best move. so i am still there. i talked to the woman from the other company today, and i really hope they decide to hire me on. it will be more pay, more my style, more sane! i won't have crazy woman as my boss! and i don't think this other woman will be like that. i hope not. i don't think i can go through that again! although i have felt much better since i'm going to be leaving anytime now. my boss isn't so hard on me becuase she knows she needs me and all she has to do is piss me off again, and i'm out of there! that, and i'm just helping her clean up some stuff, so i don't really do payroll anymore. just train! although the AP girl is going on vacation fri-tues so i will probably have to do payroll. i'm hoping i will get a call tomorrow saying they would like me to start monday, and then i just won't go in anymore! i've been debating if i should tell her or just not come in. we'll see though. think happy thoughts for me! i need to give my fiance some lovin' (aka, cuddle on the couch) before we go for a walk. we like to watch so you think you can dance. and i just sigh and wish i was that skinny and could dance like that. OH! and i broke my cell phone. the spring. so now i have to force it open. so i will eventually be getting a new phone, and probably change to a CO # so beware my friends! miss you!

Aspen

last weekend i went to aspen to enjoy my birthday present from my mom. to go see my favorite opera in Aspen at their music school. it was pretty good. the singing was awesome, but the acting and blocking were not a favorite. i saw many backs of actors who were not singing, and they were blocking those that were singing upstage. yeah. the one thing that bothered me the most was the guy that played the lead male's dad. the lead looked older than this guy. they didn't do so well on the age thing. but his singing was very good. the only one that really impressed me was the male lead. he was excellent all around! we stayed in snowmass, which was 20 minutes from aspen. we were right next to the ski hill! obviously we didn't go skiing. but there was still snow patches! aspen is a really pretty town, but so very expensive. it was about 4 hours from us. i got burnt. yeah. see, my fiance wanted more power through the mountains, so we didn't have the air on. which was fine because it wasn't tooo hot in the mountains (denver 102 degrees, aspen 85) however, the sun was beating down on me. you can see where the seatbelt crossed my chest. yeah. anywho, it was a beautiful drive. went by vail. can't wait to ski there! passed lots of slopes! hopefully we will be able to go skiing this year! $$$ on our way home, we took independence pass, which is pretty much a scenic drive. talk about beauty! sorry, no camera this trip, but we will be back. we stopped at one of the pulloffs and climbed on these massive granite rocks by a creek (creek, river, who knows what it was) and the water was so clear! it was beautiful, rolling off the rocks, half expecting to see a bear come get a fish. the water was still cold, but felt good! and we even drank some! it was pretty good! i can't even explain it! then we drove on a little further and found a ghost town! no, not haunted, just abandoned. it's in this valley where it is constantly windy, and in the winter has major blizzards and brisk winds. according to the sign. it was during the late 1800's when everyone was mining for gold. there were about 500 people living there, 4 groceries, 3 bars, a hotel, a boarding home, there used to be a three story building along the hill, but we couldn't find it. most of the buildings were just holes in the ground. they rebuilt some homes, but mostly just fallen wood. there were still nails and glass and cans everywhere! the town was only there for about 30 years, till everyone started to move to aspen for the better climate. and you won't believe the name of the town. independence. hmmm... insperiation for the name of the road? so then, after walking around that, we went further up the road. and i mean up. we stopped at the outlook (AWESOME) and we were over 12,000 ft. it didn't effect us a whole lot since were were at 10,000 the whole weekend. anyway, it was a beautiful drive. aspen is beautiful, the opera as pretty good. it was just nice to get away for a little while. could live without the burn, but now i have a nice tan! =) have to look good in that wedding dress! =) that is my trip to aspen. i'm sure i will be back again, and this time i will take pictures! even if i have to get a disposable again! (blech)

dog house

i am in the dog house. i told my fiance tonight about my last day of work being this friday. he told me after some silence that he will support me in my decision, and i told him, i just couldn't work for her anymore. he asked me if i heard from the other place, and i said no. and that was the last word he has said to me all night. now he is in the bedroom, and i just can't be in the same room as him. it just hurts too much. i think i will be sleeping in the extra room tonight. my choice. i'm sure eventually he will want me to come in, but i'm not going to. i have 15 days to find a new job. that's when they will do the employment check on us. i just don't know what to do. i really think i have this new job, i just don't have a start date. i hate that this is moving so slowly! it's not even a full time job. it's a temp to possibly hire if she gets her way job. i hate that we have to work to survive. i am so miserable right now. i've hurt my fiance. he probably wants to back out of the house, which hurts even more. i hate my job. i feel like a loser. i'm probably going to end up working in some retail store with a bunch of teens who will drive me crazy. and i won't even be making probably 8 an hour, which would mean i would have to get two jobs, and that might, might get me close to what i work now. i feel so low right now. so ... oh there's a word. i just can't think of it. but it's not a happy word. i'm almost 30 and i feel like i've gone no where with my life. except to colorado, and it even sucks here. the only thing holding me together is my fiance, but right now, i don't even have that! i am the worst person in the world.

red white and boom!

so today is July 3rd. every year for the past 6 years i think, i have gone to red white and boom in columbus ohio. the best time to hang out with friends, soak up some sun, eat really bad food, and watch an amazing fireworks show. i would always take half a day off, get a good seat with either my love, or friend, or brother, and claim space for all the other friends who will join us later that evening. by the time the fireworks go off, we find our borders have fallen, people are on our stuff, the streets are PACKED, and an amazing show starts. then we walk through trash to get to our cars, and drive home satisfied, burnt, stuffed, tired. then the next day, we are off to find another fireworks show, which won't compare to columbus, but it's not as crowded and more calm. now that i am in colorado, we have no idea what to do. there's no really big river going through downtown denver. even though we have had some rain for about a week, longmont has canceled their fireworks about a month ago due to the dryness. all the really good places are far away, and unfortunately, they are tomorrow night which means we would get home really late and have to work the next day. what makes it worse, there are no close friends to hang out with while we wait for the show. it's events like these that really make me homesick. i've got to get into some theatre. i need some crazy theatre friends to hang out with! and a gay one so i can go dancing and get all grindy with him and it means nothing. won't see my fiance doing that! we might go into the mountains, which will be a whole new way to see fireworks. no one in columbus will know what that's like. it's just not the same. yeah, i'll be all cuddled up the man i love, and get kisses in the hair (which i LOVE by the way), but i don't have the other people dear to me there to share in the experience. anyway, i'm really bumbed today. homesick yet again. how i miss red white and boom. one more hour, and columbus will be celebrating. and i will be sitting on the couch watching some reality show, and eating ice cream.

it's official

i could go on and on about how much i don't like my boss. but i would run out of room. so lets just say i have been struggling to keep a job till i find another and put up with the "harassment" as some people think she is doing to me. to make it short, i will tell you that she micromanages, questions me on EVERYTHING, and i feel like i have to defend myself all day. she expects perfection, and she's not going to get that from me. everything turns around to be about her. i don't even know what she tells me people say are true or if she is making it up so the focus comes on me because she's in trouble on something. i don't know. i had a coworker appoligize to me for my boss being so mean to me. now that is saying something. the most recent event has me without a job as of next friday. last weekend apperently she hurt her back. and not many people believe her. she knows it too and is all paranoid. anyway, she was out friday, monday and tues. she came in wed and called me in her office. apperently me and the other accountant made her look bad while she was out. and people are telling her things that i am saying to other people, not to her, about things that she does that bothers me. she was pretty pissed. anyway, to make a long story short, we mutually agreed next friday will be my last day. she tried to get it out of me what i have been saying about her, and i didn't say a thing. why? becuase i knew she would argue and argue on what i said, and i'm exhausted on arguing with her, when i know i will never be right. no matter what the subject is. oh, and the shoes i wore today REALLY make my feet stink! sorry, the smell is really bothering me. thought i'd share. anyway, she told me that if i'm not going to tell her than next friday will be my last day. (which is when i believe my contract ends anyway) so i said fine, got up and walked out of her office. being pissed off, my eyes would water. something that happens that apperently she thinks is for attention. WHOLE other story. anyway, so i was trying to block the leak. when i went in her office to tell her something, she tried to get it out of me agian, and we went through the whole thing again! what the hell! i didn't go in there to talk about it agian. i had to tell her something! i was emotionally and physically exhausted before lunch! i guess she was in and out of keeping me though because my friend in HR said she couldn't make up her mind. so i go in this morning and she askes if next friday is going to be my last day. i said yep. i just can't take it anymore! she already lost someone becuase of how she treats us. and what is really funny, is the AR guy is resigning wed, and it's his last day, becuase he got a job in chicago. she does almost the same thing to him. he can't wait to get out of there. and i think it is going to be awesome. yeah, i might not have a job, but i will be so much better mentally! we are already down two people, and two people are starting wed or thurs, and she has no idea he is leaving. it's going to be great. i wish i had the pleasure of coming in and saying it's my last day and then she's all alone. oh well.
there is a silver lining however. i have a temp job that could go full time if the person gets her way. we have been back and forth on the phone, and she has to talk to her boss, who happens to live in PA and the office got flooded. one time when i was talking to her, i asked her if it was really a go. she said yes, she just needs to get some details (probably pay) and a start date. i talked to her yesterday and told her i could start at any time (hoping to leave before next friday, but i don't think it will happen) and she said she probably won't call me till wed due to the flood in PA and her boss trying to make sense of things again out there. she hopes to talk to her wed and then get with me.
i haven't told my fiance what is going on with my current job. i don't want him to pull out of the house, when it is quite possible i will have a job agian shortly. i might tell him monday after work. i just don't want to screw things up with the house. i wish he would've said an earlier date, like a month ago, but i know why he said the date he did. you don't need those details. by the way jeremy, you could get a great story out of all the drama in my life right now. it is such a rollercoaster, it isn't even funny. oh, and our bird is probably going to die soon. he's only maybe 6. there is this really ugly growth by his beak, and we can't really afford to get it taken off. even though it is so tiny and so this the bird, it would still cost $5,000. i'm guessing. i just want to cut it off myself. but i won't. so as much as i hate to see him suffer, we really can't get it taken off. oh, and we aren't getting cable right away when we get the house. that's a bummer. still going to have the rabbit ears. i really need to quit typing so much. i just go on and on and on. and by the end, it doesn't even relate to what i started with. so i will make it end as it began. as of next friday, i will have my sanity back. it's official.

EWWWW....

Yeah, so you see that? THAT would be 14 pieces of Bubble gum. And i'm not talking about your normal size gum. no, this was like bubba yum or something. The really sugary juicey kind till you've chewed it for 10 minutes. well, i didn't have 10 minutes per piece. THIS would be the result of my bachelorette party. My loving friend got this game and each person had a pack of gum. each different flavors. there was cotton candy, sour apple (which i made them change cause i could barely swollow), regular, watermelon, strawberry, and lemonade. THIS would be the result of getting 14 questions WRONG about my fiance out of 40. so each person had to ask me a question. and if i got it wrong, i had to put a piece in my mouth. i could barely swollow by the end. i looked like a chipmunk. they were very entertained. and then, when i tell my fiance the questions i got wrong, he said, oh that would've counted. HE WASN'T THERE TO JUDGE! so i was stuck eating the piece that i could've gotten right.
one question i got wrong, where was he born. i said Winsor which is where he grew up, but he was born in a hospital in Hartford. which is the answer he gave them, but winsor would've counted. (i find this out afterwards)
where was our first kiss? i said outside his house. he said in the family room. let me just tell you about this. he officially put his lips on mine outside his house, by my car. it was right before i had to go back to school, and a week after we started dating. the unofficial kiss, which i guess he counted, was when i gave him butterfly kisses. he was so shy to kiss me that i would give him butterfly kisses and he loved them. now this is sweet, yes, that he counts that as the first kiss, but it made me eat another piece of GUM!!!!
i don't even remember the other questions i got wrong. anyway, it is gross. if only you could see the other pictures. i don't want to crash the computer though. the rest of the night turned out much better. the only bad thing about the whole weekend was i didn't get to see my guys except one cause i stay at his house. he's kinda married to my friend who took me out. but i didn't get to see any of the other guys. MISS YOU! and i really miss hanging out with everyone. lets just say, i was fine until i got on the plane. then the waterworks came. once we got in the air, i was able to read my book (wicked, recommend!) but then when we landed and ported, the tears came again. i don't think the guy next to me knew what to do. which by the way, snored and farted the whole 3 and a half hour flight. and then when i saw kelly i cried more. i was glad to see him, but i so miss all my friends in ohio. and i miss all the trees. we have trees. just not as much. so, anyway, i have written enough and have cuased myself to cry again. I hope everyone comes out at once to see me and we can go out here! all my friends. just scoop them all up and bring them here. oh well. at least there is one more time i KNOW i will see most of them. OCTOBER 21st! 113 days, 18hrs, 34 minutes. but whos counting. miss you!

TGIF! (after 5)

no longer excited from the day before. today was a crappy day. i tried to set up an interview with the call i got yesterday, but she can't meet after work hours, so i am going to have to figure something out. i guess i'll just "have an appointment". and then i really screwed up today at work and it wasn't noticed till the end of the day. it really sucked, and i wouldn't be surprised if my boss doesn't want hire me anymore. it was just a frustrating day overall and she wouldn't let me work on payroll. she thinks i can get it done on monday. which i don't think i can when she keeps giving me things that need done in the morning and that would only leave me 4 hours to get done what i need done. i so need a new job. i hate this so much. and all i keep doing tonight is think about all the stuff i need to do at work and i hate that! i even tried to read a book, and my eyes kept following the words, but my mind went to other things. then i tried to go to sleep and think about the wedding, but i kept going back to work! now i know how my fiance is! i don't know why this job is just getting the best of me! i have never been this terrible at anything! except maybe french. and i haven't been able to work out, and i'm not sleeping well. i'm just a wreck! i need like a week off instead of a day! and next weekend is going to go sooooo fast i won't even know what hit me. i need to find a better more enjoyable way to make money. this just isn't cutting it. and now my fiance is freaking out (again) because he's afraid they aren't going to hire me and we are going to lose the house. i just wish we were in the house. then we wouldn't have to worry about it anymore and if i don't have a job, it will be tough, but i think we would make it. ARG! it's amazing what 24 hours can do! i am so glad the weekend is here, and i hope it just skips right to friday!

more excitement!

yes, another blog for today! i just had too much to say that i didn't want to put it on the other one. we have our loans approved for the new house, so things are moving forward with that! so excited! it's just so far away that it seems surreal. my fiance is driving me nutz with the budgeting and stuff. if he didn't think we could afford it, we shouldn't have gotten it. but it's too late now. we got our loans consolidated so that will make some money free. I'll just be paying mine for another 12 years. stupid college. and now i want to go back, so i probably won't ever stop paying those. but it will all work out. i like to freak him out and tell him i'm going to buy a whole lot at kohls. hehe! let's see.
i'm finally going back to ohio next weekend! i am so excited. keep saturday open! you know who you are! or sunday. i fly home friday afternoon. i wish i could come home sooner and stay longer so i could see everyone, but i just can't afford to miss that much work. i miss everyone so much. i miss hanging out with my guys and doing theatre with everyone and random parties at jeremy's. oh well. everyone will just have to come out here for a party at our new house!!!!!!!!! that would be the best time ever!
OH! i'm also going to see two shows this year! lion king is coming this fall!!!!!!!! i got my fiance tickets for his birthday at the end of the month. he doesn't know. unless he looked at my credit card statement. which wouldn't surprise me because it's rather large and i haven't been able to pay it off and pay for the wedding. hhmmmm... anyway, so we are going to that in november, and then my mom got me tickets to my favorite opera (which she didn't know at the time) la traviata in Aspen! so that will be a new adventure for us! so i am going to that in july!!! AND my fiance's coworkers from ohio got him a gift card to a dinner theatre in denver and we are planning on going to see SWING! which is my most favorite style of dance! we haven't gotten the tickets yet, but that's on our schedule of theatre! yeay! so out of all the shows, the only tickets we have to buy are lion king and it will be well worth the money i am sure!
we are constantly driving into the mountains on the weekends and enjoying finding new things and watching it blossom as summer arrives. i have a disposable and a half full of pictures of our adventures last weekend. when those are developed i will share! and i am bringing them home next weekend so if i see you, i will show you then! well, i guess i better go do the dishes before my fiance comes home. i told him i would do them, and, well, haven't gotten there yet. Life''s on a turn right now and i hope there isn't another turn the other way! hopefully everything will work out! ok, ok, i'm coming dishes! never teach them to talk. they just don't shut up!!!!! =)

excitement

Yeah yeah. i've been bad. so i started blogs to keep busy while i await my fiance to come home, but then i started working out after work, and blah blah and then he would come home. well, he is working tonight so i thought i would catch everyone up. well, more just to tell you about my day today since he isn't here to hear about it right now.
so last you knew my job was on the line. well, now not so much! i started to step up to the plate and really let her show me things. not that i thought i wasn't, but according to others, i was. anyway, last friday i was basically told hire or fire. i don't want to work there, but since we are getting a house, i thought it would be pretty wise to stay. and they were going to pay me what i need. so that is in the works. but in the meantime, i have been looking for that perfect job. which won't really happen until after i go back to college. So today, and yesterday, i scored major brownie points with my boss. i stayed till 9:00 pm to finish month end. then today i told her i would help with A/P (our ap person left). so within 4 hours she coded and i entered a week's worth of invoices. i stayed over today too. and she was greatly impressed at that. she kept saying how much i rock! heck yeah!
next exciting thing. i had an interview saturday for a job. waiting on the callback. checked my home email at lunch and i got a questionnaire to fill out before being considered for a job. which is awesome because it's a sales position for a closet design company and i really want to do that, but have very very little sales experience. so i have to fill that out. then when i got home, i have a message of another company that wants to interview me! heck yeah! i will feel really bad if i leave my current boss, but if something with better pay, environment, benefits comes along, i'm going to take it.
and then! i come home and there is a card from one of my grandma's who is unable to come to my bridal shower and sent me a nice size check! that is going towards the wedding. as much as i would like it to go towards the house, i kinda need to pay for the photographer and reception. so that was exciting too!
and yesterday (i know it's not today, but they kinda go together right now with all the hours) my friend who is in the wedding called me last night! i haven't talked to her in a couple months. she's very pregnant and i was afraid she wouldn't come to the shower, but she's coming! so excited.
so those are my exciting things that have happened to me the past couple days. oh, and i saw the cutest puppy at lunch by the river! so cute! they always make me happy. thanks for reading about my excitements!

turn of a dime

See this awesome house? ok, maybe doesn't look all that great, it looks nice though! but then you go through the doors and your eyes just open wide and your jaw drops. you cannot imagine that this house looks like that on the inside. and wait till you go out back! to the back right corner, there is a little waterfall. so relaxing. and above that, an AWESOME view of the mountains. and nothing will ever get in the way, because there is a street behind it that seems to drive right to it! till you hit grass. in case you were wondering what it was like inside, it has for bedrooms. see the two windows upstairs on the left? that would be the master bedroom, that takes up the whole side. the window just to the right of the two is in one of TWO walk in closets in the master bedroom. the other one is in the bathroom. which by the way has a very nice tub to relax in! the other two windows upstairs are bedrooms. and there is one more in the back. the staircase is open at the top, and you can look down into the kitchen and great room because it is an open two story greatroom. with a fireplace. and should you happen to go down to the basement, you will see ... a wet bar. a very nice bar might i add. and if you walk along the bar, you will go into the 4th of 4 bathrooms. this one has a wall to wall tiled shower. and there is also a rec room with a spot for a big screen tv, should you happen to have one. so why do i share this house with you? Because it's ours!!!!!! provided i don't screw things up, we will own this house july 31st. so now you have no excuse not to come visit. there is plenty of room!!!! and you just have to see it for yourself!

so about that whole me screwing things up, well, here is the situation on that. i have not had a good week at work. actually, i have not liked my new job one bit. i have made numerous mistakes, which is very rare for me, but it is being noticed by people who shouldn't notice, like the owner. well, i was told tuesday that they were not sure if the position was going to work out for me. for those who don't know, it's a temp that could go full time. now, i don't like working for my boss. she is too aggressive for me. however, this job is helping us get this awesome house, and pay my bills. i did, however, contact my rep and told him i need out of here asap. he is working on that. so i had a very tearful tuesday. gave myself a migraine from all the crying and spent the night getting sick. the next morning, my eyes are swollen still, and i look like crap. i did not want to go to work at all. but i did. and as soon as i got there, i confronted my boss on what she said to me the day before. and we worked some things out. two downfalls. should i get better at what i do, i could go full time, but it won't pay what i need. 50 cents an hour short. and i don't want to work for her. and again, with the tears. i hate being so sensitive. but luckily this only lasted a couple hours and things were cleared up. i have silently decided to still pursue a better career, while leading on i want to stay if i get things worked out. my biggest fear is it won't work out, they will dismiss me, my rep doesn't have anything for me yet, and i have no job. then this beautiful house might not become ours and it will be all my fault. and my fiance will be out of money for breaking the contract.

my life might sound all exciting - new house, getting married, working out, play in the mountains - but then tuesday came, and right now, my life pretty much sucks. i feel like i am walking on thin ice, and afraid to hit the weak spot and go plummeting into the dark freezing cold water where no one is around to hear me scream, and i drown in my frustration and failure. and although my fiance will still love me, i will have failed him too.

motivation

i have joined Curves, for women. why you might ask? because i'm getting married in 172 days (not that i'm counting) and i have to look good! as every bride feels they need to. and i am glad i did. i have only been going for a week (technically 4 workout days) and every time, for the first time, i feel great after working out. sometimes i even come home and go for a nice long walk too. i don't know why this is so different. every other time i go to the gym or go running, i feel even more depressed and fat. i know it doesn't sound right, but that was how i felt. and now, i can't wait for work to end so i can go workout and hope to loose a lot of weight in the process! =) i was hoping to get 50 workouts, which would earn me a t-shirt, before i came home in june, but there aren't enough workout days! bummer. but i am motivated now. and i don't recall ever feeling that way. now i just need to control a little more on what i eat and i will be good to go. i can fit back in my clothes again, and i will look DAMN good at my wedding! =)

Colorado vs. Ohio

Anyone from Ohio will tell you that the weather there is crazy. Having been, and always will be, an Ohioan, I agree. This week though just made me ask a question to myself (since no one else would understand) "is the weather crazy everywhere?" Here's why I asked such a curious question.
in Ohio, the theme is "wait till tomorrow. the weather will change." and 9 out of 10 times, it's true! i got used to the gloomy winters, and actually, being a full-blood ohioan, never really noticed the gloomy winters until i started dating my fiance, who is originally from new england. yeah. apperently they get better weather out there. i never really noticed what it did in ohio, except in school when i would hear a blizzard might come, and i would just hope my mom would sneak in my room to turn off my alarm because school got canceled. but now that i know what ohio weather does, i was expecting colorado weather to be the same. WRONG!
when we first moved out here in january, it was sunny almost every day. it didn't snow until about a month later. which i guess is not the norm. usually there have been 3-4 big (like feet, not inches ohio) snowfalls by february. they've only had one before we got there. anyway, that didn't bother me because, well, i happen to like snow. yea, i know. i'm wierd. but the sunny days i was not used to! and it was really nice! well, then the temps started to warm up and i thought nothing of it. we are having better weather than ohio. until monday.
sunday, it was so nice and warm! but a front was coming. which i have found out, i can now tell you when a front is coming (besides the news) becuase it gets terribly windy! sunday, i thought i was going to blow away. monday's high was at 12:01am. yeah, it just got colder. which i am used to in ohio, but colorado? it was raining when i left for work, and when i was coming home after a day of work, it had turned to snow. now, luckily the ground was too warm, so nothing stuck, unless you live in the foothills and higher. and then it snowed over night and i actually had to brush snow off my car and it was FREEZING! ok, like 20 something. but compared to 80, it was cold! but it was so beautiful (agian with the wierd likeness for snow). the trees were starting to bloom and the snow was sticking to the trees and bushes, and i just thought it was beautiful. but it was the last weekend in april! not a surprise for ohio, but here?
so i guess in the short run (too late, huh) i think i would prefer the colorado weather, but i miss all the snow ohio gets. and now i am ready to see what the summer will bring out here. oh and in case you were wondering, it was 65 today and getting warmer tomorrow. so you ohioans, the weather is crazy everywhere. you just get more clouds. HAHA!