life and stuff

it's been one of those weeks. it didn't start out good when that OSU team totally embarrassed any fan on monday. the only good thing that came from that game was i got to know my neighbors more. yesterday my boss had a meeting with me a another coworker and decided to switch our payroll groups because she is a stronger payroll person right now, and i'm just not there yet. i have corp payroll and they always have me bogged down. i don't hold anything against the girl i am switching with. she is my friend and a stronger worker. i'm up fro whatever will help our dept but i am totally disappointed in myself. i feel like i have failed. i'm a disappointment. oh, the not so good words run through my mind. i know it will be a good thing, it just hurts. more me hurting me than my boss trying to. and i don't think that was her intent and she probably has no idea i've cried twice over this at work. not to mention the other times at home. i can't tell her because it's all me. and it is supposed to snow AGAIN! talk about adding some morning stress before i even get to work, having to drive over half an hour when it usually only takes 30 minutes. i got a Christmas card from a friend who is taking up exotic dancing with another friend. sounds like so much fun! especially with those two! my friends are being casted in shows, getting married, having babies, going to parties, taking up dance, and i am out here. haven't really found those friends yet. i am totally homesick. as sad as it is to admit it, i would totally move back to ohio if my husband would allow. but i know he won't. it's not that i miss the actual state (i would rather be here with snow every friday than the unusually warm either there) i just miss my friends and the things i could do there. if all my friends would move out here, i would be the happiest person alive! but i know that won't happen. i have never been homesick before. maybe it's because i knew i would be going home soon. that is not the situation now. don't get me wrong, i am thrilled to be out here with my husband and going on new adventures and playing in the mountains (best playground EVER!) and i look forward to more adventures. i just wish my friends could come too. now i know how my husband felt when his family moved him from Connecticut to ohio and why he doesn't get close to many people anymore. but he had no choice. i could've said no to the proposal. i could've stayed there while he traveled here. i would have this huge dark void in my heart, but my friends would be there for me and eventually my life would get going again, but i would be able to go to parties and baby showers and weddings and theatre productions to support them. now i just watch in the distance. all i can do is leave comments on their blogs or in emails and christmas cards. and the occasional phone call. not the most happy blog, i know. and i did not intend for it to go this far, but sometimes when i don't really know what to say, i just need to write the first sentence, and it's off, like thoughts in the head that don't ever stop. but i will stop. keep in touch my friends! i miss you guys! break a leg in everything you do! KISSES!